[Monica1]

Worked from home but had a clutzy morning. Coffee machine milk exploded everywhere and then five minutes later on opening the fridge door a whole big carton of yoghurt split and splattered everywhere. I also had five minutes of constant sneezing. Plus getting emails now from gambling sites which I delete without reading them. It has been a cold day today.
Heard today that dental staff r being redeployed to the front line and my team too are on the redeployed list, everyone except me. Boss said no to that as I am probably the only one that is working on the expansion of capacity in the private sector for cancer patients or has the know how to deal with everyone else’s job.
My son turned down the LAS job and today had interview for an amazon driver, pay is pretty low though and he is thinking about it.
Having wonderful home cooked soups.

[Monica1]

Today I learned quite a bit. Did a medical intuitive session and thinking about doing the Course.
Today was check in on family time.
Lots of texts from my daughter, the shops r better in terms of stocks but she said the queue of people were miles long. She is bored. So I said that this is a time for courage and patience and we need to learn to be with ourselves. I am trying to find what she is interested in, moving and this has stopped it was the response.
My mum needs her b12 injection, she starts to feel ill when it is due. Her gp surgery has closed with no recourse for patients so I am going to try for her on Monday. She is 86 next week and should be on the vulnerable list but has not heard anything.
My friend with cancer is improving. The burns from radiotherapy r healing. She gave me the address of where could get corona homeopathic kits for prevention and symptom treatment. She has had a fever and cough just from going out of the house once after being confined at home since discharge and has been using homeopathic and herbal remedies to treat it. Expensive but I ordered it. She is about 9 days in and has gone past the dangerous time. She feels she is getting better. Has had a lot of support for food from local church and local friends.
We r continuing to eat really well. I am on the rota for washing up, have been putting it off all day but gotta go and do it now.

[Monica1]

Today I learned quite a bit. Did a medical intuitive session and thinking about doing the Course.
Today was check in on family time.
Lots of texts from my daughter, the shops r better in terms of stocks but she said the queue of people were miles long. She is bored. So I said that this is a time for courage and patience and we need to learn to be with ourselves. I am trying to find what she is interested in, moving and this has stopped it was the response.
My mum needs her b12 injection, she starts to feel ill when it is due. Her gp surgery has closed with no recourse for patients so I am going to try for her on Monday. She is 86 next week and should be on the vulnerable list but has not heard anything.
My friend with cancer is improving. The burns from radiotherapy r healing. She gave me the address of where could get corona homeopathic kits for prevention and symptom treatment. She has had a fever and cough just from going out of the house once after being confined at home since discharge and has been using homeopathic and herbal remedies to treat it. Expensive but I ordered it. She is about 9 days in and has gone past the dangerous time. She feels she is getting better. Has had a lot of support for food from local church and local friends.
We r continuing to eat really well. I am on the rota for washing up, have been putting it off all day but gotta go and do it now.

[Monica1]

Had the day off today. Finally did all the paperwork this morning for the course I will be doing. Worked on my sons business plan this afternoon and cash flow projections. Broke my smokes target today but still well below where I was.

[Monica1]

I completely agree, well done.

[Monica1]

Yes, it will go away, it will pass, but is is helpful to remember how that feels and whether you want that in your life. Whether you want the self induced bipolar that gambling brings. The beating up of oneself, the emotional extremes of highs and lows. I know the answer to that and it is a big NO.
And when it starts to calm we are left with the issues that drove us to gambling, they start to pop up. Dealing with them through counselling, going on to chat etc is very liberating, painful at times but liberating when we come through the other end a wiser and better person. We can become the best versions of who we really are.

[Monica1]

It was nice to meet you in chat last night, and well done on the cigs. I am doing same and it is a tough one. I started self isolating 19 days ago and in the early days of anxiety with all of this went up from 20 to 30 a day and yesterday it was 3. It is a tough nut to crack.
What are the things you have always wanted to do if you had the time? I have a few things and we now have the time. What are those things that are sitting in the background, if I wasn’t working so much, I would do .. and do them. Make a list. What are your interests?
As kolberg says, there will be a new world of new addicts at the end of all this, gambling, alcohol etc. Let us not be in that group.
Relapses happen,they have all happened to each one of us, multiple times until one day we stop, the pain of it all becomes too much, and stay stopped one day at a time. Gambling is an ugly industry.
You can do this. Keep posting and coming to chat.

[Monica1]

Today has been a good day as far as it can under the circumstances. My colleague and I volunteered to return to work under certain conditions. Turns out there has been a complete change of direction now and my team and I are to work from home for the for sea level future. I helped my son with his business plan today At lunchtime between work jobs, virtually rewriting it. My, what a time to be self employed. The chancellors bail out plans won’t help him so it is universal credit. But he won’t do that.
The only glitch today has been Ben invited Kai round to fix the wi fi which keeps cutting out and he put in a device that bounced the wi fi all round the house. I gave a strong lecture on protecting everyone in both households. Kais dad has lung disease and important to be careful. That will not happen again. Had a teleconference about shifting cancer patients and urgent surgery out to the private sector.
Had a wonderful tea with home made hummus salad and fish cakes.
I started to cry when everyone in the street clapped for the brave nhs front line staff. I found it very moving although it might be withdrawal from the two cigs I have had today.

[Monica1]

Today has been Ok, worked from home as have my colleagues. Trying to sort out alternatives to people being seen in hospital as it isn’t safe for them.
Last night I drank two thirds of a bottle of prosecco as felt a lot of pressure throughout the day. I rarely drink. And hey, no hangover at all! As predicted, government under pressure to test but not happening yet. Hopefully soon. The person I emailed last night published a damning piece on testing and the b s spouted by the Government. They are exposing everyone to the disease to protect the NHS. Nothing new said in Boris 5pm do apart from the 400,000 volunteers, well done all.
Tried to get my daughter food online today and I found an organic box with one month delivery time, it’s bad out there for on line food.
My knitting pack for a lovely baby blanket delayed by three weeks. I don’t mind. My son is busy transforming the front room.
If I could be safe at work, and on public transport, I would go back now but those who are at work administratively say they can’t socially distance in the lift, in the stairs on in the loo.
Got an email from gma outreach to restart some check in sessions and maybe groups. Grateful for that as I feel I need it.
Emailed today looking for a six week admin person for the new hospital at the excel centre to stay there, almost volunteered but I am pretty sure my boss won’t let me do it.
Again, I have gratitude for small things, homemade soup at lunchtime, the sunning coffee in the morning. Dr who doing her thing which was great. Staying calm seems to be the order of the day.

[Monica1]

We will see what tomorrow brings. You can see that things are falling apart Government wise, and out there. Titanic and deckchairs spring to mind. No ones fault per se aside from starving the health service for a decade and now throwing everything at it. Plus the wrong leaders. Where oh where are there decent leaders? Boris is a ditherer and they are still only doing 5k tests a day despite all their ramping up claims.
Thank you for reminding me again that God is in charge. It is up to HIm but I know I will not betray my staff and others who are sick by telling them to go in…

[Monica1]

Thanks for you your reply. I acknowledge and respect your reality. It isn’t everyone’s reality and that is the point I was making.

[Monica1]

Thank you. I went public to a media source this evening. He is about to lay into the Government big time tomorrow morning.

[Monica1]

It is good to be positive and it is good to have positive affirmations, but I have to say it has to be tempered with the reality of where we are else it becomes like an automaton, saying the same things over and over again wishing them to be true and not being touch with who we are, how we feel and the reality of where our lives are.
The depth of a human being is about how much they allow themselves to be true with who they are and where they are.
This isn’t a criticism, just a word to that saying the same things over and over again to someone doesn’t make them true, or their realiy.
This is not a criticism of you but positive affirmations have their place, the emotional depth of how people feel is another place.

[Monica1]

As idi’s post today, we are both angry today for very different reasons.
My boss called me to say that all nhs staff are key workers and that people who are post self isolating 7 days need to return. I said no, not without testing and i would not be instructing colleagues who have been sick to return without that in place. It is simply negligent considering my hospital has the highest death toll in the country, but are also the busiest. This made me so angry. Policy has changed from those who can work from home, which was my team to everyone has to return, even though myself and another team member are in the underlying condition category,
I said no to London transport journeys, yes I would return after testing but I would have to live on sites I am notJeopardising my son and pregnant girlfriend. Even though I worked all day, my heart wasn’t in it, I was just livid.
As anyone who reads my thread knows, like the hulk I don’t like being angry. This is also a key issue on the news right Now and the message is that all Nhs employees go to work.

[Monica1]

A long booked days annual leave but I still tune in to work emails as we are sending all our cancer patients to the private sector and I need to do the contractual arrangements.
Today I feel I can breathe with ease. I stand in the front room with the sun pouring in and I truly appreciate it. I do some emails about gaining support with the inland revenue stuff. Ben and Shanti spend some time in the communal garden. They gain some colour. My son does me a wonderful caramel latte from our new coffee machine which I bought recently. He has been asked to do nights for the London ambulance helping with their IT work from home programme. He chose the wrong time to become self employed and although he has set up his new company his salary from his job ends at the end of this month. I give him a lecture about staying safe but he has it covered. shanti does a healthy salad for lunch and it is lovely. She is a great healthy food cook. I admire both of them, my son is transforming the house. He is getting rid of my perfectly decent leather suite. I don’t mind. It is letting go of stuff and I have had it for many years even though it is in great condition. Time was I would have said no,but we live in different times now and we have no time to hold onto things we no longer need or to make way for the new. I throw out loads of clothes and say he can get rid of all my card collection, tarot, angel etc. Now I am a Christian ihave no need for them.
I have broken my juice fast for a small healthy meal each day as I actually don’t want to lose weight. Yesterday it was root vegetables, today a salad.
I listen to Prem Rawat on Timeless Today and I find his words inspiring.

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