[Monica1]

I think that is so right. I have earned a lot of money in my time and have supported my family financially. And what have I got to show for it? Absolutely nothing, no assets, everything in my home needing replacing. I got lost along the way. So recovery comes first now. We need to do this for ourselves, whether this is deemed to be selfish by others or not. We can do this.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post. Yes, it was very helpful. It takes the scariness out of going bankrupt. Talking about this seems to be quite a taboo, like it’s ome of those things we just do t like to talk about, a bit like death. But we do need to discuss these things. I have fought against it for so many years and it just doesn’t feel so bad after that the chat. I agree with you thatit just feels like the end of the world, Many people have done it, including 2 in my direct family and my sons business partner did it, for much more than I will. There is life afterwards and as I never use credit and think the credit system is a capitalist trap for people, on that level it won’t bother me. I sound more and more like a raving communist but I am actually serious in that credit is a massive trap. Where else can you be paying 300 a month on a large irresponsibly given credit limit and yet only 50 quid pays the actual debt. That was my p.oght on just,one card and withthis addiction when the real cash runs out it will use every pound of credit we have on credit cards.
Well today I am feeling that all things are possible, that recovery is possible and that resurrection of the Phoenix from the ashes is possible. I had good wishes sent to me from my mum and sister, who remembered the date when I only mentioned it once, and my lady GA friend. I just have to sort out my energy levels.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post. Yes, it was very helpful. It takes the scariness out of going bankrupt. Talking about this seems to be quite a taboo, like it’s ome of those things we just do t like to talk about, a bit like death. But we do need to discuss these things. I have fought against it for so many years and it just doesn’t feel so bad after that the chat. I agree with you thatit just feels like the end of the world, Many people have done it, including 2 in my direct family and my sons business partner did it, for much more than I will. There is life afterwards and as I never use credit and think the credit system is a capitalist trap for people, on that level it won’t bother me. I sound more and more like a raving communist but I am actually serious in that credit is a massive trap. Where else can you be paying 300 a month on a large irresponsibly given credit limit and yet only 50 quid pays the actual debt. That was my p.oght on just,one card and withthis addiction when the real cash runs out it will use every pound of credit we have on credit cards.
Well today I am feeling that all things are possible, that recovery is possible and that resurrection of the Phoenix from the ashes is possible. I had good wishes sent to me from my mum and sister, who remembered the date when I only mentioned it once, and my lady GA friend. I just have to sort out my energy levels.

[Monica1]

Yes, on a big win one day of elation. On a big loss or gambling to 0 weeks of depression and suicidal feelings, self hatred, guilt, despair, creditors ringing and ringing, tearing hair out about making ends meet…
I rest my case!

[Monica1]

Thank you so much for posting this thread and for the chat which I found very helpful. It was nice to talk to you and meet you. I think it would be useful to have this thread to track your progress and any issues that arise. This will help other,people who are going through the same. One of the things we get in this situation is lot of conflicting advice and I have to say from some of the the experts, in my experience, wrong advice.
An example is that everyone recommends stepchange but stepchange will not deal with inland revenue debts and refer On to business debt line, who will ony provide advice and not do the same thing as step change do re budgeting and supporting debt management plans.
I for one have had to get support to apply for a charitable grant to file for bankruptcy. My post gambling situation means no income left to even pay five pounds a week.
I have had this debt for many years but it all could have been paid off I I had not gambled. Over the years, I’ve been ground down and down by the debtsand was sick and tired of constantly dealing with creditors all the time and each and every time circumstances change which in my case was frequent.
There were other things that contributed to my depression, but I have no doubt that debts were a very big part of it.
Again ty, and I will post questions on here re filing for bankruptcy as and when. Good luck with the process and I hope it all goes smoothly. You have manyyears nowinwhich to rebuild your credit. Hope we speak again soon.

[Monica1]

Pete and l lost each other the day he moved into the front room over six years ago idi, he just happens to have a knack for giving pedicures lol and has done this for me over the years. Odd huh?
I get the feeling he doesn’t think I mean it giving him the deadline to move’out but I have never been more serious in my life about it. Just 2years ago he had no work and I could not ask him to leave then as he would be homeless and broke, even though I wanted to but he can now support himself,just about so it is time to put an end to this and move on. I remember saying a prayer about then 2 years ago asking that he find work so that he can support himself. That time has come now,. It is difficult as he has helped me with food and cigs this past year, a very strange position to be sure. But if he had not left me in the way he had, the gambling addiction would not have started. I am pretty sure of that.

[Monica1]

As I memtikned in group one of the rules of gma is not to pass on personal details. The rule is there for good reasons to protect us and also gma.
Could you set up a thread tta about your recovery journey. As you have been through bankruptcy, this would help me enormously. Cheers.

[Monica1]

How annoying is that!
Well Pete came in and saw me beavering away with the washing. He saw that my toe was bleeding from a. ingrowing toenail and said that I was doing something, he would cut my nails. He used to do this for his mother before she passed. So he set up the vibrating foot bath, something I had forgotten I had and cut my nails saying he would file and varnish them tomorrow as he was going out. Pete likes to reward good behaviour. He said his only pleasure in life was watching Chelsea play.
On reading Bettie posts, she talks about codependency and I asked myself whether I was codependent. And you know what, I am not. If anything, early on, 15 to 18 years ago, I possibly was a little as I was more concerned about him rather than myself to great cost. Mysponsor also asked me when I started GA whether I was codependent and I was happy to say I was not. In fact I cant wait to move on and out.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your posts. Yes idi, in short it did impact his whole life and loss perpetuated loss.
Anyhoo, the therapy has sort of started for me already. All my small cases have broken on my travels so I have to use my only suitcase which is quite large lol. It was full of summer clothes not from 2017 but from the previous year. 2016 feels like the last year I had a life. . 2017 was truly horrible. just done three loads of washing clearing mountains of clothes on my bedroom floor. Covered in dog hair. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I only wear 2 or 3 of my favourite things out of some much junk. The dog has snuck back in to my bedroom and has slept in my room for the past three days. When I shut the door he pines and claws at the door.
My upline rang me for a pep talk in the middle of clearing up the mess for an hour or so about starting the business. She sure can talk. So tomorrow I will work on my Facebook page and get started,

[Monica1]

Sorry if you feel it is that way. My situation is what it is, yours is how you describe. This forum is amazing as a support when we are in recovery.
I apologise if anything I have posted has offended you.
Warm wishes

[Monica1]

Right, firstly erekle, you did not ask for this addiction. We are good people with a bad addiction. If you thought when you started gambling that it would lead to a trail of addiction and destruction would you have done it? I would not. Harmless fun becomes funless harm. Easier said than done but try not to feel so guilty about what has happened. I went through huge guilt and when we feel that way it is easier to just keep digging the hole because we feel that there is no way out.
Awful that there is help in Georgia. But this site and the groups have been an enormous source of help for me. It can help to keep you motivated and supported. One of the things we do as compulsive gamblers is isolate ourselves. We have to get help and support. This is so important.

[Monica1]

Yes, your situation is difficult. I also cashed in a very small four figure pension to gamble in january17 when I could not gambling, the longer the better.
Throughout my life Sherrie with two main. partners, I have always been the breadwinner with the man staying at home with the kids, cooking and cleaning. I am worse than hopeless wth domestic chores even now. This also weighed heavily on me, but not as heavy as when I started earning large amounts of money for just a short time in my 50s. I even had a vision board with me winning a fortune on it. But ihave torn to hat up now and thrown it away. First, has to be your health and maintaining your income. As they say in GA, we can’t tackle all of our life problems at once. I expect you may well be feeling depressed. When our negative emotions turn inward we become ill. Gambling is never going to take our problems away and will only ever make them worse Sherrie. A big win will not solve our life problems. We have to tackle why we are using gambling to escape.
My brother in law has copd and this Xmas he had an exacerbation. It was scary to see. I suspect with my lifelong smoking I probably have it too. Once I have gambling under control and my life is to as destitute as it is now, smoking will be tackled. But it can only be one day at a time. You have a home, your husband is alive, you have a job. ***** your blessings Sherrie because your position is better than mine. My home has been under threat of repossession, I have no job and no partner. It can get better Sherrie. But you have to really want it to. Doyou?

[Monica1]

Yes, it was probably up there with one of the proudest moments in my life. I put off the ceremony for six months as still not over the surgery. How proud I was to pay for the entire family and a friend to stay in the holiday inn in Brighton with lunch and dinner. It everyone came but my sister, mum, middle son and friend did. Pete did come but not to the celebratory dinner out of respect for my son who hated him. My eldest granddaughter stayed the next day with me for Sunday lunch her first time In a hotel. I felt her excitement. My sister still has the grad photo in pride of place. My mum cried when I was all gowned up. The only person in the entire family, going back a few generations to ever do it. And it took me 24 years lol. My mum is Austrian coming from the mountains from a family of coopers. My fathers family which he lost virtually all of them in the war were farmers. He is Latvian and his father was a war hero being the leader of the local resistance, there is a monument to him in Riga. He was shot by Russian firing squad which myfather witnessed. my dad was next but he was only 15 and they told him to slowly walk away, which he did. His mother died in a concentration camp. That was just the start of an awful Iife of loss for him. He never let go of my mother when she left and when he passed in 2006 we found her wedding dress in his wardrobe.
Well. Enough of all that reminiscing. I have to do my washing and get ready to go to Hereford. Haven’t started yet. I spent most of last night and today reading Betties thread and still haven’t finished it. Interesting reading.

[Monica1]

Thanks for the reply back. How r u doing? My view, which many may not agree with is to tell your wife when you feel strong enough to do so. And not in a letter. Why doyou. It feel able to do it face to face? See if you can have a financial recovery plan in place before you do so. Is there no help for compulsive gamblers in Georgia?

[Monica1]

Don’t you just hate it when there are constant gambling ads on tv and I hate it even more when they are new sites which crop up weekly. When is Gamstop coming? If I was in government I would ban all gambling ads or give them their own channel. It feels like sodom and Gomorrah in this country sometimes!

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