[Monica1]

Yes, that says it all really. Have had enough if this situation. There is nothing anyone can say really to make it any better, at a complete loss.

[Monica1]

Life is indeed too short and there are too many rubbish jobs with awful employers out there so you did the right thing for you. It is about what we will tolerate in this life and you made a good decision. Shows good self esteem. Well done! Onward and upward.

[Monica1]

Pete came in at 9 ish with a small amount of food and cigs. I have many times gone past despair in what is two weeks off of six months not gambling.
I am still waiting for a test result, a diagnosis, a grant for filing for bankruptcy.
With no Money to live on I am stuck and I am stunned really at how cruel life is being to me. I pray for a breakthrough so I can move i in some way. I have no life and it sucks.

[Monica1]

Not enough food or cigs. Comtacted by a debt collector today. I wept when I describe my situation. Some days it feels hopeless. I am so stuck.

[Monica1]

Saturday and Sunday chats empty. Not much to post really. Waiting for a diagnosis and kinda fed up with my ongoing situation.
Whilst the course was very good, I would not say it caused a spiritual renewal. For that I think I need a small miracle. Will be in 10pm chat.

[Monica1]

4 months you can do Liz! The days go so quickly now, and I know you can do it.

[Monica1]

Hi, thanks for your post on my thread. What is it you don’t like about your job? I am also my worst critic so know how self defeating this can be? And you are right, you can do this!

[Monica1]

Is that Sue or Suzie, I expect it is Sue. Hope you are doing ok and gamble free!

[Monica1]

Yes, it was a good programme and I would recommend it. It is exactly the right sort of support for women for a gambling addiction. I was triggered on the way home with a couple of the ladies on the long train journey with recollections of big wins but I did not remotely feel like gambling. The ruin is still with me nearly six months on and not a lot has moved forward. But I have faith that it will. The real test is when I have income coming in and always will be.
Pete fell out of a tree whilst I was away when he was on a job, and is not 100 percent at the moment but bought me food yesterday. Another macdonalds and a sandwich today. I am still grateful for this. My stomach is holding out but funnily enough only when I eat very small amounts. Three good vege meals a day away and I was unable to digest the food, at all. I was so hungry too but probably ate way too much cos it was so delicious.
I read two good books while away from the collection there on the bookshelf. One was about spirit written by the Christian spiritualist association which delighted me because there is a way forward in Christianity for some of the spiritual things I have learned, they are in London and have healing sessions. I have decided to go as I need to renew my strength in my faith. The inner anger has reduced by 99 per cent so that is one positive move forward. The second was by Ram Dass whose work I read decades ago. It was about ageing and written after he had his stroke. It was interesting stuff and reminded me that god isn’t just the fluffy stuff, he also is the creator, preserver and destroyer, the three in one. This is what I like to do when away, learn some spiritual truths, and I feel I did.

[Monica1]

Welcome to the forum which I have found so very helpful. Put the lapse behind you. If it’s any consolation on the way home I was really triggered by all the talk of big wins, but I did not gamble. The destruction it caused to me is too close to home still nearly six months on and I simply won’t do it.

[Monica1]

Well back posting. A bit late as my iPad charger fell down the toilet yesterday and have had to concoct a makeshift charger from the phone charger which is a bit slow to charge but works, hurray!
It was a very good programme in a lovely venue with 13 very normal ladies whose lives had been damaged by problem gambling . Some stories were moving and even worse than mine! I think a few will become new members of the forum and I see that one has already listed.
The venue is lovely and in the middle of nowhere, 40 minutes by taxi from Hereford station. The food was excellent vegetarian food and is really like going on retreat that you would normally lay a lot of money for, for a few days. The programme gives us the tools to remain gambling free. I shared a room with a very nice lady. The programme will be followed by six weeks of 1 to one counselling, then get together again for three days, followed by further week,y counselling. We hand in our mobile phones and have them for a few hours in the evening. I did not miss mine at all and did not even retrieve it it’s evenings. This is the best and most intensive programme I have seen let alone the only programme for women, and also one which is not based in the sackcloth and ashes GA programme, which I really don’t like and is so wrong for women. It was good, only hampered by the fact that I was unwell on the way there and missed the last half day. I won’t go into detail about that as it woulddetract from what was a very helpful 4 days. Suffice to say I have now done the test that I was unable to do prior to going. My son rang me yesterday and sId he would help with the cost of a definitive test and some probiotics. So grateful for that as it will help enormously wth diagnosing this thing I have had now for five months and is progressively getting worse.
Well. A good friend who stopped same time as me relapsed and lost a lot of money and I was very sad to read about that. It tilled her over the edge. In the programme, we learn about our cues and triggers and have work to do at home in between counselling sessions. My friends triggers was just the long haul in debt repayments and Being refused a loan.
Gambling has destroyed many things in my life and I never want to return to it, one day at a time. Good to be back on the forum with my good friends.

[Monica1]

Just a short note to,say thanks for the posts. No,idi, it was sitting in a weird gravy!
Thanks tta, talk to you when I am back, have to get up at 4.30 so just,packing now.

[Monica1]

It is so cold today. Well, I spent a couple of hours this afternoon building my Facebook page for Neal’s Yard. It always takes me twice as long to do Stuff like this this as I struggle with this sort of thing ie Images and publishing. Will finish it when back from gma and set up a virtual winter wellness event.
Pete came back and gave me a really revolting salad type mix that I couldn’t swallow or take one bite of without throwing up. I really offended him As he had made it but often when he brings bits and pieces back they are revolting and make me sick. He went back out again, clearly fed up. This is such a tricky situation. Glad I will be away for most of the week.

[Monica1]

It is so cold today. Well, I spent a couple of hours this afternoon building my Facebook page for Neal’s Yard. It always takes me twice as long to do Stuff like this this as I struggle with this sort of thing ie Images and publishing. Will finish it when back from gma and set up a virtual winter wellness event.
Pete came back and gave me a really revolting salad type mix that I couldn’t swallow or take one bite of without throwing up. I really offended him As he had made it but often when he brings bits and pieces back they are revolting and make me sick. He went back out again, clearly fed up. This is such a tricky situation. Glad I will be away for most of the week.

[Monica1]

So do I, would have been a different life. But what we do now and going forward is most important.

[Author]

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