[Monica1]

I have had problems too Laura and got into a pickle to change my password. Now I don’t know what it is.
Thanks for the lovely post on my thread. Sounds like you are getting very active which is a big improvement on just a week ago. Well done and I hope we can get into chat soon.

[Monica1]

Well, yes, I am glad I inspired you idi. Did you sort out the thing we were talking about last chat? The thought of going back to work is scary, I kinda got very lazy, but I know I am in my comfort zone in the work arena so I hope it will all slot into place. I used to avoid looking at my bank statements and was one of the reasons I changed banks. Just seeing 10 deposits at 200 a go used to sicken me and it is like if you do t look at it, it hasn’t happened. Escapism again I guess. Hope to see u later. Have tried the groups but got into a twizzle with my password and not sure I can access them now but hope to get into chat later.

[Monica1]

Laura is right, you are doing good. I think being able to make a difference gives us purpose an as we get older more important that we find activities that give us purpose. Like laura, I also get anxious ringing companies around debt etc. I find it so hard to face and do as it is a lot of what I have been doing now for years and it wears you down. Onward and upward Liz.

[Monica1]

Yes, he is ok ty, sent me a text saying sorry for unsettling me. I said we need to talk about his self medication.
Well, the stunningly good news is that I have been offered the job and accepted it. It is away from home. I am taking this one step at a time. It scares me a little. It is a couple of grades lower than I would normally do but it doesn’t matter. The pay is only a bit less than I used to earn. I am hoping I am seeing the end to these awful past six months and give thanks for God for helping me with this.

[Monica1]

How blessed you are, you know I have never had a post from velvet or any member of staff on my thread. What you say makes perfect sense. I hope each and every day you experience the grace of the Lord working in your life. And that you are coming into wellness and the next phase.

[Monica1]

Well done. I am so happy for you, keep up the good work.

[Monica1]

Hi both,
Kin, thank you for your post. As you say many times, we are broken vessels, something I have just said to my son who sent me a text at 2.20am saying help me. I really believe that and that we can redeemed through the grace of the lord.
Idi, of course it wasn’t annoying.
Was grateful to have a phone interview today because of the dreadful weather. It went ok.
Went out for a short while for a walk,but it is so bitterly cold that I hurriedly came back. Waited for my gma counselling session before going to sleep. The session was helpful, the focus was very much on the same as the previous week.
Back to the text, my son ended his,relationship with his girlfriend and was self medicating with alcohol, cocaine and Xanax. In his heart he loves her but his head says it is wrong for him. I understand this dilemma all too well, I felt,that way about Pete in the past, where there is a deep connection between two people that is hard to understand and feeling bereft when it isn’t there, but the head says it is wrong, I was very concerned that he had not taken too much and he said that he was ok, it was an attempt,to self medicate his pain and not end it.
I asked him to call me in the morning that he was Ok and that he was very precious to me.

[Monica1]

Good to hear about your progress, and thanks for the post on my thread. This time we are going to crack it and never let this destructive force into our lives again.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post on my thread. It was helpful to read.
Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous employers everywhere, many in the U.K. now. Are there no employment protection laws where you are? ie sacking would normally involve verbal and written warnings in the U.K. I,personally could not,work for an unscrupulous employer, it,would be a direct clash with my own values and I believe that we need to stand up,and be counted sometimes. We live in very challenging times now and it is about what we can put up with without it conflicting,with our inner compass.
I do read your posts even though I may not post that much. Once we get the inside right, the inside follows. I find I am continually having to,surrender my situation to God without anger or bitterness. This is the challenge.

[Monica1]

Thanks for the post. Not been posting as finding things too hard.
Had to cancel my interview because too hazardous to travel today.
Yes, I am entitled to a freedom pass. Knew about this but it costs 20 quid which I don’t have.

[Monica1]

Thanks idi. The thing about having nothing is thatyou can’t actually do anything so I just stay in bed. Just taking a bus journey is something to consider as to whether I have enough money for a bus. I have, however, reached the same conclusions as you only just recently over the last 24 hours in that we have force ourselves to do things, The olympics have been quite wonderful and I was feeling a little sad that they have now finished. Great for insomniacs and all night awake people such as me. Wonderful closing ceremony. I have at least rediscovered my interest in history and geography, watching tv programmeson the Tudors and lots of Michael Palin travel programmes. I haven’t listened to the news for months and don’t watch soaps or trashy reality tv. I have changed so much over time as to what I will expose myself to and I actuall don’t think I am alone in this.
And yes, your suggestion about an open all the time group is a good one. I don’t feel able to comment to new people on the forum which I used to do, just speak to new folks in the groups, as I don’t feel like recovery has happened yet for me even though I am today 195 days clean. How can I talk about recovery, the joys of buying things when it just hasn’t happened to me. So I guess some of it is self preservation. Dreadful isn’t it, but I still live in hope that things will shift soon. The lower my mood goes, the worse things are, so I have to make great efforts to shift it when it occurs. Some of 8t is down to lack of good food and long waits for food in the day. Incidentally, I,don’t eat or like tomato based sauces. Any other suggestions?

[Monica1]

Thanks, it’s been very quiet on here lately and I have not posted daily. The support seems to have waned. My daughter didn’t come but I am used to plans that go awry in that direction. In respect of my friend she texted and said she wouldsend some healing. I still haven’t responded I a text asking how I am cos last few days felt very depressed.
Truth is I feel like I am sinking. Been hungry too many times this week and I have had enough of all of it. I go past the point of having had enough so many times, it all just feels impossible.

[Monica1]

Fell asleep before midnight group but Noone on 10pm group, just missed idi. Listened to the Potters Touch which is on at 6am on TBN. . This is good old fashioned rousing evangelism. It’s really good, we need this type of inspiration. I for one need rousing out of my stupor, The last three I have watched could almost be talking to me. This morning it was about how’illness isolates us from society, we become something else and we can give up up and lay down and die, something I can really relate to, as I guess we all can hitting the sheer lows of,a gambling addiction and recovery. And it demonstrated how Jesus healed Jairus daughter bringing her back from the dead. And it said get up, get up, get up. And I am getting up.

We are in for a cold spell here and temperature is dropping. Still short on food.

[Monica1]

Hope to catch u later.
Also hope your flu symptoms are improving. It is the wheeziness that lasts the longest. How r u doing?

[Monica1]

Slept for a few hours early evening. Was expecting avisit from the housing woman this afternoon but got a text saying she was ill after being away in India. Got a phone call re feedback from a job I applied for. Saying I was too experienced and should be doing the bosses job for the role I applied for. There are a few more jobs now when for months there was nothing. So we will see. I can see that everything may concertina if I get a job ie gma residential and the hospital referral. But if offered a job I will do it, that is what is most Important right now and will take priority.

[Author]

Posts