[Monica1]

There really is nothing wrong with doing nothing. Motivation is difficult cos gambling takes that away from us, it is like we have to really fight to get back who we are. I don’t think we can get back to who we were, we just rediscover New things about ourselves. I find support invaluable and that means counselling support too. I have had a few thoughts too but I don’t want to know, not at all. I say yes to life and no to destruction.

[Monica1]

Just tuning in laura to see how things are going for you?

[Monica1]

It is very good to see our children getting on. I have seen that today with my boys and it makes me proud and happy. Yes, forgetfulness comes with age. I have decided to see what I can do to fight that one. Your slip I am sure was related to the 5 year anniversary and all of us on this site feel for you Liz. Next time, remember the anniversary by not gambling. Replace the grief with a positive, and not s negative. Gambling is the enemy!

[Monica1]

We always think along the same lines. I have been playing games on my iPad. That is my distraction. I was thinking about what is healthy escape before I came and posted on here and saw your post. When we are tired and overwhelmed with worries. Being active doesn’t seem to cut it as my issue is I have e been too active and Need a rapid mental and physical pick me up from exhaustion. So what is healthy escape.? Ideas please. I think we need to be distracted from those things that cause us anxiety but what? I don’t drink alcohol but.clearly smoke more when troubled.
I have been fortunate that the money my son ga ve me to get to work ensured I would eat also. My friend who has cancer has returned to work part time. She used anti cancer diet and homeopathy which has dissolved the tumour.
Also as an update idi, with my sister and the 20 evictees, they have all joined forces and their mp is now involved. Fight the good fight!
I will try group later at 10 and 12,

[Monica1]

My smoking has increased to its usual levels this weekend probably owing to the general stress I am feeling with a little bit of panic thrown in. Well, at least I did 5 to 7 cigs a day whilst at work. On my first day someone came up to me and asked me to move my coat as she was allergic to,cigarette smoke and she could smell it on me. So I did and made sure I didn’t smoke during the day to upset her.
Pete has just said that the church are going to try and help him find somewhere to live, they said it would be difficult with bailey as well but they are going to try. I said that I cared about what happens to him and that would never go away. I genuinely mean that. He said he cared in the same way too. He acknowledged that we both needed to move,on but didn’t want to talk about it.

[Monica1]

Hi Dave,
I am on the women’s programme at GMA and I can recommend gma as the best programme for compulsive gamblers. Even before I went, I had to look at my life and how gambling had destroyed it, completely. It can only be a destructive force which I never want to engage with again. Our lives can get better and if you read my thread you will see I was destitute for a long time in recovery. We just have to keep taking the steps,one day at a time. The urges do go. We just have to be very clear with ourselves about what we want in our lives and what is important. This addiction has a way of. Making us look at those things that are most,important to us and what really counts. Good luck and keep posting.

[Monica1]

Woke up feeling a little overwhelmed after having troubling dreams the past couple of nights which I think echoed something that came up in my counselling sessions related to one of my greatest fears. But I got into action. Looked at my problems and called both my sons. Both are doing well which I am really am so pleased about. My eldest, Ben, has been made team leader on his latest job. Both work away from home, just like their mum. My middle son, Kai, the computer genius, is coming over tomorrow to see if he can help with some of the thingsI have been asked to do at work which my brain can’t get around. I have decided to persist for as long as possible as the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about. It is t long until Easter, now so I must keep going until then.

[Monica1]

Well, reality bites. I have had my second ocular migraine in a week,when I had not had one for nearly a year. I can no longer stare at spreadsheets. It has been a trigger in the past for ocular migraines and In the aftermath I get a number dyslexia so this is is something I know I can no longer do. I don’t really like the job either, it,doesn’t play to my strengths, only my weaknesses doing stuff i really don’t like to do. The five hours travelling a day is also way too much.
But I guess I will have to persist. I have already decided to look for a part time job.

[Monica1]

Could have so easily have gone the other way Liz. And you would have felt dreadful. There is a lot missing from my life too but we have to keep going. One day at a time. No more, it is the enemy!

[Monica1]

Sorry havent posted much. Just getting to work, eat and sleep consumed all my time. But think of you often and hope we can meet in group over the weekend. Great that your debts are decreasing!
I also lost track of days but now over 7 months clean. Long may it continue. The enemy will be defeated!

[Monica1]

Well, the brain doesnt work quite as well as it did a year or two ago. Learning new things takes longer and I have a tendency to forget something someone has told me the day before. ooooer. .Going to get some brain vits over the weekend. It has been a difficult few days getting up at 5.30am and back at 7.30 to 8pm. Today I nearly buckled but what is the alternative/ Abject Poverty thats what. Get first pay mid week next week.
Got my photo done for my id and I asked them to make it a bit hazy lol. Which they did. I now dont look too bad for an old bird. Will post more and do group over the weekend. It is all I can do right now to eat, sleep, work.

[Monica1]

Thanks all. I hope to be posting more soon and to be able to post on others threads. My focus has been on the job and the rather long day. I was unwell over the weekend, sore throat and chesty, having got caught out in the rain. Lemsips, green tea and vitamin C are clearing it out quite quickly. In fact, it feels like I am on a physical rehab programme with a 20 minute walk uphill at 6.20 in the morning and then again on the home run. I smoke only 5 cigarettes a day now from a 20 to 30 day habit. The breathlessness going up the hill is encouragement enough to stop which is the direction of travel. I dont smoke at all from 6.20am to 5pm. This is unheard of for me and i think some of the hell I went through is directly tackling my addictive behaviour. I relate well to Kin, most of my bohemian life it would seem that anything goes, as long as it doesnt harm another but really i think we need the old ways of living that christianity teaches us as a moral guide and compass to life. This is a 360 degree turnaround for me.
My son lent me the money to get to work until payday.
I got the outcome of my work capability assessment today. Dont know what you have to do to get points but my score was 0! Meaning I am fully capable of work and not entitled to anything aside from the starvation pittance. . I think nearly everyone gets 0 and they have to appeal. My view is they can stuff their nonsense…..

[Monica1]

Hopefully I can sort out any remaining issues with Harry this morning…

[Monica1]

When you get a minute could you check and click on my name in the forums. I can still see my details and email address but the web team are Telling me only I can see it. Because of this very serious breach, I quite naturally am not convinced. Thanks

Still can’t access groups

[Monica1]

Thanks so much velvet for posting on my thread. Unexpected and welcome. And yes, I need to move.

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