[Monica1]

There must be a blocker that doesn’t mess with other things. I find such poor quality products to be a waste of money personally, particularly as they block help and support. Seems stupid to me.
I am sure other members may be able to suggest something. Other times I stopped gambling but the addiction was still very much there , a blocker was better than nothing but I now find them to be just literally a pain in the butt when they mess so much with other things.
Presently I don’t want to gamble so not missing a blocker. it is like the destruction and personal pain has been a powerful aversion therapy for me. I acknowledge though that my stance is not the right solution for most people. I just wish there was something around that did indeed block all gambling without messing with lots of other things including access to support.

[Monica1]

Well, feeling a bit washed out still. Pete last night gave me the runners and riders for the Grand National and said he would put a one pound bet on for me. Grand national day used to be a family day, the only day of tbe year to put a bet on the horses. I had to explain that I cannot make any kind of bet ever. The closest people to us often just don’t get it. Did I feel deprived, yes a little. I am not even sure I can watch the race any more and that is a level of enjoying life that now feels very blah bland. I also accidentally pressed wrong button and a new slot site came up with the registration screen. In the past this would be a massive trigger, but I would say in an urge scale 25 per cent out of a 100. Inside something still goes eeeeek when this occurs. Hopefully, gamstop soon and that will be such a massive relief. Blockers for me over a period of a couple of years an exercise in frustration and very imperfect products.
I am fed up of this existence in my room. I have enjoyed the comonwealth games a lot and when they finish I have to make an effort to get my old self and strength back. I am even considering the nutraceuticals that stimulate the brain. I still have a degree of brain fog and I really hate that. This is what worries me about going to work, that my cognitive faculties are not what they were. Iusedtobe a very quick thinker, understanding issues and assessing things really swiftly. I would say I am operating on 50 per cent. Part of me has gotten used to this very solitary existence, it has gone on way too long, which directly impacts on ones faith and trust that it things really will improve. Goes against all the claptrap rhetoric that GA and others spout that things get better very quickly in recovery. that No one should have to go through this for so long, a condition that still has no diagnosis about 15 months onand a very long wait for a hospital appointment. Plus no change and still can’t file for bankruptcy or address any debts. No forward movement is my idea of hell. I am not used to that and I hate it.

[Monica1]

One blocker I haven’t tried which others seem to have found helpful is Gamban. Can’t comment on it but maybe other members can.

[Monica1]

I am afraid that does happen, help gets blocked which is madness. I found with the blockers GA andthis site got blocked plus with GamBlock loads of other ordinary emails in my in box. GamBlock switches your pc off for ordinary sites and emails but wraps around your hard drive. If you work on yo7r pc which I did it was worse than hopeless. Only reformatting your hard drive will get rid of it. There isnt A perfect blocker I am afraid so it is trial and error. I found if I had s b.ocker I was always trying to get round it and for quite a few it is quite easy. Benign sounding casino sites would get past-it, ie not obvious it is a casino as would some new sites of which ther3 are many on a weekly basis. Idi uses betfilter on her phone which I know kicks her out of this site quite a lot but she can always get back in. I don’t use a blocker at the moment at all as have tried them all and found them all wanting. I wouldn’t recommend that though…. but I don’t want to gamble any more at all having hit rock bottom. Other members may be able to recommend so ething. As I gambled only on line, gamstop will help me, ie barring from all on.ine sites at source.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post and I note you haven’t posted on your own thread. You are so sweet, posting on others before your own.
Not much to report, headachey and tired today. Caught tail end of group with idi.

[Monica1]

Sorry missed u in group, I find I have to be in the mood, and I not always am owing to tiredness, lack of focus etc. I smiled when I read what u said about the work project. Well done, I say equally subversively. It really is up to you what you feel able to take on, but you know that.
Tough budget to last till June and I don’t really think I want to do that. But I have feel consistently better, and I don’t. Guts still twingeybut not bad. I have decided not to return to the kinesiologist. Helped with my centredness and connectedness but with a full blown relapse of the colon on 3rd April not seeing sufficient difference to warrant the spend. I am researching different things and will experiment. Most of medicine is guesswork and trial and error anyways.
My counselling session was cancelled this evening which I was glad about as feeling tired today.

[Monica1]

Better day today. I dont know how I can be an inspiration when not much has changed in 8 months. Timesheet finally authorised, hurrah, they had lost the email. I had already rung them 4 times idi. I worked out that with my ten days pay, which has already lasted me nearly a month, I won’t get any benefits till early June which is a long time.
I also realised a truth today, that what we focus on becomes our reality.
Got an email from gamstop today with a brief questionnaire. Spent evening researching how I can heal from my current state.

[Monica1]

Well last night I lost all the channels on my tv in my bedroom right in the middle of a good film. A bit of a disaster. It took me 6 attempts at retuning, the same procedure every time and on the sixth it worked. Took me hours, Is there a lesson in this, ie doing exactly the same thing to fix something and on the sixth attempt it worked.i don’t know but energetically it felt strange and frustrating trying to fix it and getting nowhere.
Today I feel depression setting in, the same polarised despair and hope sitting in the same space. I must be having the worlds worst recovery from a gambling addiction. But my life isn’t as bad as the lady described on Liz thread. I actually do not have a life to speak of, no foundation to work from, just one big nothing. I hear mercury retrograde stops on the 15th April so delays in things and technology glitches should get better by then. I rang the agency again and had to leave a message. I have underlying worry/anxiety about how to pay the rent and keep going in the future.
I am seeking
Purpose
Direction
Fulfilment
Recovery of Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health
Repayment of debt

Seek and ye shall find, the Bible tells us. Here’s hoping, now eight months without gambling. How long can this limbo last or is it just ongoing ever decreasing circles?

[Monica1]

You are so right, i will pray for your friend. It is a matter of perspective.

[Monica1]

ਮੈਨੂੰ ਯਕੀਨ ਹੈ ਕਿ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਇਸਦਾ ਹੱਲ ਕੱੋਗੇ. ਬਿਹਤਰ ਹੈ ਜਿਵੇਂ ਕਿ ਇਹ ਸੀ …. ਇਸਦੇ ਮੌਜੂਦਾ ਫਾਰਮੈਟ ਵਿੱਚ ਪੜ੍ਹਨਾ ਮੁਸ਼ਕਲ ਹੈ.

[Monica1]

Olen kindel, et saate selle korda. On parem, nagu see oli …. raske lugeda praeguses vormingus.

[Monica1]

Sono sicuro che risolverai. È meglio così com'era… difficile da leggere nel suo formato attuale.

[Monica1]

Jag är säker på att du kommer att lösa det. Är bättre som det var …. svårt att läsa i sitt nuvarande format.

[Monica1]

مجھے یقین ہے کہ آپ اسے حل کر لیں گے۔ بہتر ہے جیسا کہ تھا …. اس کے موجودہ فارمیٹ میں پڑھنا مشکل ہے۔

[Monica1]

Siguran sam da ćete to riješiti. Bolje je kako je bilo … teško čitati u trenutnom formatu.

[Author]

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