[Monica1]

A great story. Thank you for sharing it. We have all been there. I am so pleased you are doing well.

[Monica1]

I talked about this in group last night about how we hve changed in recovery, and I have no doubt that I have changed, I too feel a lot more nervous and anxious than I ever did. I really feel it but fake it till I make it. I don’t know why this is, but I have just noticed it more and feel my feelings more. I even wondered whether I have a form of OCD, ie obsessive Thoughts that lead to anxiety. This is where positive affirming thoughts about ourselves help.
As to feeling like a fraud, I think everyone has felt this at times. I think if we could see into all our,work colleagues thoughts and issues we might be very surprised, that we are by no means alone feeling what we do.
Well done in remaining gamble free.

[Monica1]

Yes, I am cautiously optimistic. I really don’t take anything for granted any more but find myself deeply appreciative of things that are going on right now. I keep saying thank you.
This morning i met with the agency in a local cafe to sort out the multitudes of compliance you now need to work. Shiny happy people was playing and it made me smile followed by David Gray. I felt twinges of happiness tapping my feet. Haven’t felt that for a long time.
This afternoon I went to get the brief from my new boss and I have to say I felt excited for the first time in a very long time, this job is so up my street, plays to my strengths and is also a development opportunity. I realised that I had grown out,of what I used to do, I no longer want to do it and my body was telling me this in the last job. This job is similar to one where I was very happy at.
Got home and rang my mum. My sisters new flat which I am so grateful she has got is less expensive than her last and it will help her to manage an overstretched budget. I gave thanks for the answer to my prayers on her behalf. It could so easily have gone the other way as the council have no properties at all for the 20 or so tenants who have been evicted. Shocking indictment to the housing crisis in the U.K. and vow this government hve bot,supported,ordinary people’s concerns in any way. My mum said that if I was depressed there was no sign of it,now. She might be right.
Gamstop is now up and running but I had to go to support for a very simple form that kept being rejected. They said I had to manually register and they would send me an email, twice going back to support as not received the email. Hmmmmm. Not all sites are signed up but they had a list and many of the more common ones are. The rest will sign up towards the end of the year. But registration process which should be simple very difficult and I will have to back again to them tomorrow. Maximum exclusion period is 5 years, which, of course, I have opted for.
So feeling optimistic and thankful that the tide may finally be beginning to turn.

[Monica1]

Up at 5am and listened to some scripture. Realised today how when we are in isolation as I have been that we turn massively inward on ourselves and lose perspective on things. I have anguished over a third reference request from my last job that lasted a decent length of time. It didn’t end well and the circumstances were just unfortunate but I asked and my old boss said happy to provide even though we fell out at the end.
I also realised that as we get older we need to look for work that doesn’t use up every hour and that it is actually better for me to work just six months of the year. This past year I only worked three months and on ringing the tax office today am due a tax rebate. So something entrepreneurial in the future I think.
Feeling grateful today for a deepening relationship with my faith and confronting the things that cause me a lot of anxiety.
Had my private gma group tonight which was enjoyable. Everyone is doing ok on being gamble free.

[Monica1]

Hi there,
Yes, our emotions are all over the place for a while when we stop and enter into what I would see as early recovery, rather like the highs and lows,of gambling, although let’s face it,it is mostly appalling lows with gambling and even when we win, it is flat and getting ready to put it all back. I also didn’t like some of what I saw either but we can turn it around. It really is one day at a time here, no magic wands, but recovery is worth it.

[Monica1]

Start is next week but thanks for your lovely message. Hope you too have a great day. I keep looking for golden nuggets of truth and finding some great inspiration.

[Monica1]

The time for wallowing for me is over now. Today I heard about when things are going badly for us, we need to sow a seed and help someone else. This is a great truth.

[Monica1]

The time for wallowing for me is over now. Today I heard about when things are going badly for us, we need to sow a seed and help someone else. This is a great truth.

[Monica1]

Welcome to the gt forum. It is a very helpful resource with helpful daily groups where like minded people who want to truly stop this addiction can connect.
Firstly, you have to really wAnt to stop. It is always good to stop before we hit rock rock bottom as many of us have done on the site. Coming up from rock bottom is always more difficult. You have a job and an income, that is a great start.
You must self exclude from casinos and on line if you gamble on line. Just do it. You just have to do it, it is a hard step initially but very simple.
None of us can quit without support, we really need it and this site provides a lot of peer support and facilitated groups for those making their journey into recovery. I also gambled for five and a half years but it was total destruction and I did not stop until suicide felt like a more attractive option than living. That is where this addiction brings us to, total destruction. But there is a way back and we. Have to put one step in front of the other and walk. GA can also provide a lot of help and support. Is there one near you? Do your family and friends do know that gambling has become a problem for you?
Also restricting access to funds is also helpful. Is there someone that can help,you with that?
We can conquer this addiction but once we have crossed the line into compulsive gambling we can never again gamble responsibly. Because compulsive gamblers never win. We have to accept this truth as in someone who has an allergy to peanuts knows that they can never eat peanuts again.
Keep posting. Journaling helps hugely.

[Monica1]

I always knew you could do it…. wow how time keeps flying!

[Monica1]

Awoke at 4am as I do and listened to tbn scripture all morning. Found it quite inspiring. Talks about 2018 being the year of manifestion and getting ready to receive. Revelation, inspiration, manifestation. Believe that our lives can be turned around in all ways, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually. Let our words echo that faith and belief.

[Monica1]

I appreciate your post, thank you Velvet. For those who know me well they know I am right to have some concerns re my health and brain. I got the job based on my track record before these last nine months of hell in which I rarely leave my house, live in my bedroom and my brain has shut down quite a lot. A bit like being at home with the kids for years and going back to work. I remember how that felt and it was like your brain and self confidence just goes. With the last job that didn’t work out at all I had three migraines in a week triggered by numbers on spreadsheets. I know I can’t do that any more although this role is not gazing at spreadsheets thank God. I feel underlying anxiety about it all. I desperately need smething to,work out well in my life as nothing has for 18 months now. I can only walk the path, one step at a time, which I will.

[Monica1]

Haven’t posted for a few days as haven’t felt like it really but ms gaedcto do a group. It has been very mixed but racking up the days now and soon it will be nine months this in mid May. Started being contacted by creditors this week after a few months respite. Still no further forward in any of that after nearly nine months folks. Groundhog Day, really understand how that feels.
Pete moves out on Thursday with the dog. So kissing goodbye to the food and fags but my son wants to talk about moving in soon as soon as he recovers from a throat infection which is by and large down to overindulgence on a holiday in Portugal. He is seeing his girlfriend again, they struggle without each other it would seem.
I had a job interview this week and went shopping for some clothes to wear. After not finding anything much I accidentally and mistakenly purchased a pair of what I would call old lady trousers in a size down from usual. They fitted. I have lost weight on my legs and butt but not.my middle.
The morning of the job interview I had a nightmare before i woke up to do with terrorism and felt somewhat uncomfortable wearing trousers that I did not like but hey.. keep going, make the effort, try I kept telling myself. Money is getting a little low but I have a tax rebate to put in for which I keep putting off doing the paperwork but I will do it this weekend. The interview was tough and probing but I went with an open mind and not desperation. I had actually been to see my work coach the day before and was positive instead of the usual story of woe, not that things have improved hugely but I worked out that the two weeks pay I had was three months on benefits and I have made it last about six weeks. That helped me enormously.
I came home fro: the interview and slep from 4pm to the next morning. My sleep patterns are still all over the place, I eat when I want and sleep when I want but this week I am going to make an attempt to get on an even keel. I slept straight through my counselling session and missed it. Sorry Jane.
Well, to my great surprise, I was offered the job, a lot of people have gone for it, it is complex and challenging but plays to my
Strengths and is onlyshort term, around six weeks. Not like the other job, I will be fairly autonomous as long as I deliver the outputs of the job. I accepted it. I now need to get myself sorted. I will put off the rest of my tests until after the job has completed. They took so many blood tests that I am sure if anything was majorly wrong with them, they would have contacted me.
Of course, I am very scared but I am giving it to God. I have to keep trying and give of my absolute best. Without income I could just sit here and just wither. Not prepared to do that, the fight is still there and it is now time to get off my butt and move forward

[Monica1]

Nice to meet you yesterday and also I hope you didn’t feel excluded in chat too. I hadn’t spoken to idi for a bit…
Recovery is just the start of us looking at all aspects of our lives and some if it involves looking at our relationships, and our emotions in relation to those, which often act as triggers. Upset and anger is a big trigger but gambling is never the answer. Not to anything we feel, however bad it may feel. You are doing well.

[Monica1]

Yes, on flawed systems I do speak up. In healthcare, I know that speaking up can make a difference as in enlightened institutions things do change based on complaints. I was just surprised although god knows why I should be, as I come across so many spiritual people who do what I would call very unspiritual things, although I am not actually judging. We all have our lessons to learn and I have met more than my fair share of very flawed healers. I am sure Jesus would have a thing or two to say on it all. There are so many traps now out in the world that we can be hooked in by, I guess gambling being a big one these days. So I am not one to judge, as when we do we often find ten fingers pointing back at us. It is just that these things hurt people by taking their money, convincing them they can make a fortune, and not delivering, a bit like gambling.
I have things to do but am avoiding doing anything. Pete is packing bits of his stuff and I have asked him to fix the bath panels, something he broke, said he would fix a couple of years ago and still hasn’t.

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