[Monica1]

Yes, in GA they also say the same, tHe the best and leave the rest. Thing is my experience of the majority of the support and doing the steps wasn’t a good one, although my GA girlfriend has been consistent and she wasn’t my sponsor. Takes a wk an I think sometimes. my childhood trauma has been gone over so many times. There was quite a lot of it and I am over it all lol. I forgive them all!

[Monica1]

Love your insights. And I agree re the world, all we can do is not be like that. Look,how feral everything is around Teresa may now, leaving her to do the hard stuff that no one wants to touch and then they will go in for the kill, not that I agree with anything she does, she has made more u turns that an out of control car. And ty, re your insight about Pete. It isn’t a romantic relationship any more. Not sure what it is, two people who loved each other and still do but aren’t together without any physical contact, well aside from the other day and that was just a peck. Don’t think I want to define it really. Good friends are hard to come by so I will just rejoice in it and accept,it for what it is. He just rung me as has just lost his wallet for the third time this year, dear me…
Well, went to the hospital this morning and confirmed chronic infection in the stomach and small bowel plus irritable bowel. To take the awful triple therapy again and if allergic referral to an allergy specialist and referred to a dietician, as there is a diet apparently that helps with ibs. Was dismayed that after swimming all last week and eating an Ayurvedic diet I have put on 5 lbs. So, it is to weightwatchers for me, I don’t want to put any more on as I feel very uncomfortable when I carry too much weight and have well over a stone to lose, probably more like a stone and a half.
It is good new though really,
cos,I don’t have cancer anywhere in my abdomen, some small uterine fibroids, but the scan did show that my colon was in spasm even though I wasn’t having any symptoms at the time. Life is strange. A major symptom of h pylori is anxiety and I definitely have a lot more of that than I ever did. Wish there was another way. Of course, the doc trashed going to see a Tcm practitioner and said you don’t have candidiasis as we tested for it. Hey ho… hard to know what to do these days isnt it!

[Monica1]

Blame never solves anything and that includes the self blame as well.
Forgive yourself, quite a big thing.

[Monica1]

I wonder if your partner would join the forum on here run by velvet for the family and friends of addicted gamblers. She is right in that it has to come from you but also not right in that we cannot do it without support. The emotional fallout when we stop gambling shouldn’t be underestimated. Glad you could join the group. We all need ongoing support to remain in recovery. This is an emotional illness and we need to express our emotions and how we r feeling to deal with them hence the groups and the forum. Gotta go out now but hope we can speak later.

[Monica1]

Post England and wine blues and sleepiness I think. Did Charles group. It is so important to consistently use support. I spoke to my GA friend and at some point I will go along soon. Although I kinda know GA is t really for me, but will try different groups. I am wondering about getting counselling privately to keep up the process of talking and getting some feedback. As a child I was scared of the dark and I think i still have elements of that little girl who gets anxious still there deep within. I still sleep with the light on even now as I did as a child.

[Monica1]

Nice to meet you in charles group. It will feel like that for a while but I remember how it felt very well and don’t want to go back, just move forward. There are no magic wands but one thing going for you is that you have a job. Regardless of the debts and I still have huge ones, things can improve financially when u next get paid. Did you speak to your brother?
When we pray to God for help and start to get in touch with our higher power, things do happen over time, maybe not immediately but he can transform us from the inside out. This has been my experience. Use all the support you can ge5 Stephen. Early recovery isn’t an easy process but it is worth it. Recoveryis different from abstinence, as you probably know already. It is a process. Hope we speak in groups soon.

[Monica1]

He gives me a kiss, just a peck direct on the kisser. He did this before I left for Spain. He never does this.
I really like having him around sometimes. He lives with an old man who has let him the room but whose washing machine has seen better days. I say he can wash his clothes in my machine. I am genuinely not hopeful that things will develop again but I am quite content that we hve this friendship,which seems to last through thick and thin. If anyone has ever felt ,ike my husband in life it is him, but hey it is what it is.
We both know it will change when my son moves in but I am sure we will get around that.

[Monica1]

Yes, please come back to the community. We really valued your support and threads. We all know how important support is needed for Odaat. Wtf happened? What triggered it? Just lately many of my friends on line have relapsed after long periods in recovery and I too have had urges but not acted upon them.
Charles is right, get back to what helps, we care about u.

[Monica1]

Optician says I have rampant blepharitis and dry gritty but streaming eyes caused this time by the flight. My gp had prescribed something totally inappropriate as I don’t have an infection. She prescribed me drops and wipes. You know what, gps are hopeless and just guess half the time. I sound like a grumpy old woman, bit you know what, I am actually seeing things as they are.

[Monica1]

Yes, I feel a little better today and went to have my free ha ha over 60 eye test. When I say I am unemployed, I am guided to the cheap specs where usually it is designer. And do you know, no difference, none at all, I spent less than half of what I usually do on a two for one.
The large sink hole is still being worked on weeks onand my road iscosed so I walked to specsavers and took a bus out of my way to my gourmet cheese shop which has closed down. A woman speaks to me on the bus saying have I got water. Apparently some people in roads near me have had no water supply for a month because of idiot water company drilling and creating the large sink hole. I go to my favourite cafe and they have changed the recipe for my favourite dish and it doesn’t taste as good. From fresh squeezed juices, they now sell bottled juice. I wondered why it was empty. In life everything changes, and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Quality is diminished and I think that is the story of the U.K. and where it is headed.
I decide that I will join a book club and buy some books in my local bookshop. They have a creative writing course and I decide I will join it in September. Important lesson is that what we want to become in life we have to seek out and be around.
Pete came round armed with wine and a curry as he didn’t want me to be alone watching the England game. I think that is so sweet. It was truly agonising to watch… but not an unexpected, for me, outcome.
Idi, how on earth can I move to Ireland?

[Monica1]

In truth I dipped in and dipped out, I was feeling unwell yesterday and last night, so fell asleep just after popped,in to group. Realised I am one of the 20 per cent who develop sometimes, not every flight, an allergic rhinitis following flights. On the outward flight I started sneezing a lot and then post return eyes and nose started to stream with constant sneezing rather like hay fever. This is common apparently and something to do with the air conditioning apparently.
Well today I start to deal with an annoying bill my mobile who say I haven’t paid when I have and had to send the proof. I find dealing with bills and creditors plus mistakes made excruciating. I cannot be the only one like this. Maybe it is the years of debt but letters still sit,unopened for a while and I hve to really psych up to open them. So,many mistakes are made in services, why, why? I guess cos they are all human. I have another bill for 140 quid when I cancelled the service. It has taken me months to even attempt to sort this one out let alone the much bigger debts which I still keep putting off.
I watched John Cleese last night who says the U.K. sucks and is moving to Nevis in the Caribbean. You know, I have felt this country sucks for a long time, I really noticed it at Gatwick, all the strongly worded signs about immigration and then police with machine guns walking past each and every person in check in. If we follow the us then we are truly screwed….

[Monica1]

Me too idi. We have all been there. Me so many many times. You will get through this Liz as you have before. Remember how you feel this time, this thing drives us to feeling suicidal. Living and facing it is the brave and honorable thing to do. Read some of the posts from new members who have hit rock bottom. Liz, I don’t want you to end up losing your home which is what I was close to. You woke it up and now you need to put it back to sleep again. It doesn’t solve anything, it isn’t even fun. Thinking of you, you will come through this patch.

[Monica1]

Hi Stephen, it is very normal to feel this way. Crying is ok and completely, normal. I was like this for a while but went to my gp eventually. It helped to tell a professional although I went without the antidepressants. There is also nothing to be ashamed about. None of us asked for this addiction, we just ended up and got caught by it. But we are not defined by it. When I say I lost six figures over five years I am not joking, I played to destitution. But I am alive and ok, I have friends on here who have supported and helped me. If you are able to join the groups where we often are on at the 10pm or 11pm ones. Go to charles facilitated groups for new members, next on Thursday. Take all the help that is there as we need the support. There are two things we need to accept. The first is that the money is gone, and the second is that we cannot gamble. It is a beast that will destroy us. When we accept that we can begin the process of recovery which is not easy but so worth it. I am praying for you.

[Monica1]

As always good to hear from you and I am glad you had a good break. Thanks for the kind words around the life purpose. Wish that were 100 per cent true… Sounds like we all seem to get the urges at the same time… but haven’t acted on them which is great. Googled diets instead lol. I have just had a hot bath, divine! And slathered the tan maximiser on , as have a good colour from the sun. Simple pleasures sometimes. Am vegging out a bit today as have a teeny bit of a cold from the airplane, had it for a day or two when away and the air con seems to do it to me. Without a fridge it’s takeaway city here but trying to keep it reasonably healthy, egg foo yung today….

[Monica1]

Let us know how u r feeling, if you are able to. I was in such a bad place when I stopped gambling and it helps to share it cos we have all been there. Much love to you.

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