[Monica1]

Hi, you are both on fire with the support you are giving!
Slept all day today and got up at 5.30pm. Needed that rest and woke up with the tired feeling shaken off and more refreshed feeling.
Went to the local shops, it’s rainy and dark and the leaves are coming off the trees, autumn is starting early.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your posts on my thread. Firstly get the thought out of your head that you are complaining and no one wants to hear it, that simply isn’t true.
Our inspiration comes from God or our higher power we have to give all our problems over to him and let go. We cannot solve all of our problems on our own. It is hardest to do this when it involves our family, we do what we can do but the rest is through prayer and our higher power.
I too have felt less than great this weekend, I feel a tiredness and a little weary. I think it is partly the change of the seasons coming in.
We are moving forwards when we don’t gamble, when we don’t add to the problems we have. I too feel sometimes that it is one step forward and two steps back but I give thanks that I am still here and I have a roof,over my head, in one year and two weeks gf, that is all I have managed to do and pay off, but I have to move forward. I am grateful I can buy nice food and help my kids and grandkids out when they need it. There are multiple blessings if we look for them. We have grandchildren, many don’t get to have grandchildren or even live that long to see it. So we start where we are and give thanks for what we do have. We find it and we keep moving. Because that is the right thing to do.

[Monica1]

Appreciate your concern. Today I have felt quite tired and like i am getting a cold. The travel and work have taken it out of me a bit although I like the job. 12hours every day including travel is quite tough.
Today I was looking at 4 month round the world cruises for around 20 grand and dreaming. There are still many things I would like to do and that is one I would love to do. A part of me feels nothing is impossible and then….
Well, of course, as usual back down to Earth. I,opened my letters which I have been avoiding now for 8 weeks.Had to laugh as I had one postmarked Rome and it was a scam letter saying a relative of mine had died and left 5 million euros to be charged between the said lawyer and myself. Ha ha. I reported it to the post office as a scam but it even named the relative and what he died of. Crazy.
Quite a few debt collector letters who haven’t a hope of recovering the 3 lots of 10 grand debt they referred to. But no court action which is the thing that I find most upsetting. I had 10 letters from council tax in that period. I have to be honest that even after a year and two weeks gf I have only addressed my rent and repossession of my home being ahead with my rent now. I value the roof over my head. So it really makes me think about whether I will ever be able to pay off the massive amounts. Biting the bullet to bankruptcy ends my career so the longer I can string it all out the better. But it is tough knowing you are never likely to be able to pay off the 100 grand or round about that I owe. I am open to new money making entrepreneurial,opportunities as that is one way out. Writing a bestseller also is…
Pete came round this evening armed with dinner which he cooked and wine, he is watching tv in the front room whilst I am in the bedroom cos I need to rest. He fixed my iPad which refused to charge today and I set up his new phone. He had lost his phone with all his clients numbers on it. He is a little depressed and doesn’t like his new landlord that much saying that he has some bad habits as an elderly gentleman.
It it is good to see him and the dog who is now asleep by my bed. I love that dog.

[Monica1]

Well I paid the price today for stuffing sugar and dairy. I keep thinking it will be different this time but it isnt and the day went with tummy pain which I managed to sleep through. I have to have the discipline to realise I can’t eat the things I love to eat. Aside from that, it has settled now after a long sleep.
And I am Ok.

[Monica1]

Was going to take it easy today but woke up early and contemplating what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I feel quite clear in some of the things I would like to do. Felt quite good today within. Sent my daughter 150 quid towards my granddaughters secondary school uniform. Felt good about that too and grateful to be able to do that.
Went shopping this afternoon and bought a few smarter bits for work. In the week I had a couple of mornings where it was like what do I wear and I like to be able to just find something and feel comfortable in my clothes. Food shopped in m and s and am still eating too much cake. Weightwatchers I think on a Sunday, there is a meeting in my local gym.
One thing at a time, one day at a time. I am a bit more patient now in that I don’t feel I have to do everything now. Took my wellwoman max idi.

[Monica1]

Hope you are recovering from your fall and beginning to feel better. I have also started taking the wellmax supplements idi used to speak of. You have been busy this afternoon!

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post on my thread. Appreciated. Your ac unit saga sounds like my hot water saga, wrong part, this and that and the other which all takes time but it works perfectly now in fact better than ever so I guess the lesson for me is that it does get sorted even though it is frustrating at the time, so to try and not get anxious about it ie don’t sweat the small stuff. Good to hear that it is all getting sorted out Liz.

[Monica1]

Thank you all for your good wishes. Brief resume of past few days. Job is ok, lots of responsibility for not so much money but hey it’s a job, about one hour 49 mins each way.
Pete came round Tuesday night quite upset as the dog chased a fox and the fox ran into the road and got splatted. Pete couldn’t put it out of its misery but was so cross with bailey calling him a murderer. But hey dogs chase foxes, it’s in their nature I guess. But I could see it upset pete quite a lot.
Yesterday I had already taken the day off as had an appointment in the morning in Kent and went to see my daughter for a pub lunch and chat. It was lovely to see her for a good chat.
Today work was ok, no lunch as meetings, but it’s a job right? It actually is ok, for now. I just appreciate having the work.
I must open the past six weeks letters and will do this over the weekend.

[Monica1]

Great to speak to idi and Vera last night, today I am feeling mega lazy. I have so much to do but am vegging out. Dietitians called me today but hve said I will need to meet with them After talking about my history which won’t be till October 1st. May do late group tonight as have a lot of things to do before I start new job tomorrow. One year gf on 14th August.
Move Monica move!
I have figured out wat my problem is and it isn’t an abscess, it is a haemtoma, which is a very strange phenomenon. Doesn’t hurt as much but is very much there, the salt baths help a lot. There is always something. Maybe we are all just slowly falling to bits, or maybe I am just speaking for myself.

[Monica1]

Thanks Vera
3 salt baths and slightly less painful ty. Spent the day watching the Europeans which has been really good to watch this week and the great handmaids tale. Pete popped in briefly this evening and bought me some Vaseline. Nice…..

[Monica1]

It certainly is ouch. One minute fine, woke up and it had all happened overnight, I wonder if it is linked with my increased smoking and sugar intake. Epsom salt bath Exactly what I did last night Vera, no change unfortunately.
Think I will do group tonight and then give it another go.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you both. I hope you are right idi re the job but it is a lot less money than I usually get, but hey, it’s a job. I hve spent today in bed having had an abscess come up literally overnight on a delicate part of the bod, which is new and has never happened before.
I wish I did have a lot of energy Vera but I guess it is whatever we practice at the most we get good at and I am good at interviews and I literally knew within five minutes they would offer me the job, it isn’t the one I want though and I guess the timing hasn’t been right this time.
Pete came and cooked dinner last night, steak which I bought and I dog sat today. He has just gone out and bought me cigs and we hve a thing about Tesco strawberries and cream mousse. It is delicious and we eat three each…
I am more than aware how precarious everything can be, particularly work and bankruptcy and how they don’t align. My daughter texted yesterday and is seriously thinking of leaving her husband again. He is the breadwinner but uses it as power and control and I know what that can do to a woman’s spirit and self esteem. We have a text chat and I will meet up with her gain next week. But I will need to see a doc about the abscess, which looks a bit dodgy.

[Monica1]

I get the same way about bills and those calls from creditors. I avoid for a long time and I have about a months worth of unopened letters but at some point I face it and I tell them the truth, that I am a gambling addict in recovery stressing the recovery. I was treated as vulnerable by a few creditors because I am over 60 and in recovery from an addiction. They cannot bully you and don’t allow them to. I would even say if they are being aggressive to not treat you that way. When I said to some that I hve been deemed vulnerable they changed their stance immediately. I can’t bear aggressive people and in the U.K. they are now t allowed to be as it gets nowhere and has the opposite effect.
If you can deal with your bills today I will open my letters that have been sitting there lol.
I get the anxiety, it has been stopping me from sleeping too, while thoughts go round and round about what to do. But the bottom line is my debts have been sitting there not paid for about 2 years now some of them and because of vulnerability they have to be careful in their approach.

[Monica1]

Thanks for posting on my thread. Good to hear you are getting counselling as that will help. Now if you are excluded, if,you had won, You would not have been able to collect, so I wonder what motivated you to go to a venue you are excluded from. You are not a failure as you didnt ask for this addiction. We live in a culture, some would say in complete moral decline, where we are bombarded with the advertising lies every few ads on tv. It is sick and needs control. Harmless fun becomes fun less harm is what GA said to me, and that stuck in my mind cos it’s true.
Gambling for me happened when my very long term relationship ended at a time when I had cancer so I know that relationship issues can be a big trigger.
Keep posting and join us in Charles facilitated groups on on the other groups although they have been very quiet recently cos of hols.

[Monica1]

Well done for deciding to put an end to this miserable addiction. Once we have crossed the line to addiction we never can gamble responsibly again. Please do and try and obtain support either here or from GA.

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