[Monica1]

Just as busy at work and taking up all my time. Various frustrations and so busy left my lovely new scarf at a meeting. I got lost and neatly lost my ride for a meeting. I was just about to give up and pack it all in and just go home when it pulled up. Lost my Id badge as the lanyard was weak and broke. They want 20 quid for a replacement. What a bloody cheek. Things aren’t easy but I do feel helped on an invisible level and I give thanks for that.
Got a text from my sister to say doc called out for my mum who was in excruciating pain. The op that nearly killed her two years ago left her with a large hernia which is causing a lot of pain in her back coupled with her legs giving way which I think is some compression on her spinal cord due to severe spinal arthritis which she has had for years. My mum is super independent and still carries her shopping. So again send my sister money for petrol to travel down to her. 4 times in one month money to my sister. My sister had her physical and has been referred to the gym and told to stop drinking as her liver enzymes are out of whack, knew she would be confronted with this and the dangers of cirrhosis. She is taking this seriously and has cut down to one wine spritzer a day.
I am planning days off between now and Xmas. I have to cancel a hospital appointment for Monday as I have to be at work.
It’s just all go guys.

[Monica1]

I realised that the culture I work in is old fashioned and a bit hierarchical. I knew it was stepping backwards in time when I took the job and I have to wonder why. For the money that’s why! have been wracked with guilt for no good reason about saying to my bosses that I can’t relyon a colleague who strolls in very late and just tells me he is taking days off without asking, just taking and leaving me on my own. They have given me some extra support as I have been on my own when there is meant to be four people. Normally I wouldn’t rat on a colleague but I have been his boss before in another job and found him quite awkward then and I know he struggles,with me trying to get one up all the time. Not a team player at all. I don’t play games, I find them tedious. I still felt awful about,doing this as I wouldn’t normally take this action. I realised I had become over involved in trying to make things better in an environment that is less than. The office is very cold and I had to,wear a coat this week until someone lent me a fire today. I think that I need to become detached and less involved and wonder why I am putting up with it all. I have had to give up my writing,class, no additional energy for anything extra, but she is sending me the homework which I say I will pick,up,with when I hve the time and register for the next course, I am disappointed but I know that I have to change to a better work life balance when this job is over.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post on my thread. Even though I don’t answer every day I do keep up daily with your thread. Get the lip sorted. I have some sun changes on my face I keep a close eye on. Back in the day when I sun bathed a lot. The situation with your mum sounds painful over a long period of time but you must protect yourself whilst at the same time keeping a lookout for her. The job sounds good, how many hours do you do a week?

[Monica1]

Have slept a lot this weekend. Ventured out yesterday and got soaked waiting for buses for over an hour. All local buses seem to have stopped yesterday. Taking the herbs again as they seem to stop the cough which starts again as soon as I stop. My son Was a bit annoyed as I slept through his calls, he was wanting to come and paint. I told him to try and be kinder. I slept through all the groups. Work is difficult, people going off sick with stress and I am two people down. My sister asked for money again and I gave itwithout really saying anything. I think we are living in quite difficult times when we compare it to the past.
I think the ideal time for bankruptcy will be next year in April and I am aiming for that. I agree a part time job and a fresh start idi. But I am not counting out a miracle between now and then. I live in hope. Things not easy at the moment but keep on keeping on.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post on my thread. More paperwork huh? So much of it and it takes up so much time. So work soon for you. Do what I did, try it and see what happens and I pray for the strength to continue on a daily basis as I find the long days not easy. Butmwork for me helps shake off any depressed feelings. . I miss the groups and you and idi but must try and keep it up as find myself too tired during the week. Hope to chat soon.

[Monica1]

All quiet on here. Very busy week. Working in a system under a huge amount of pressure. I would pack it all in except I got paid today and that always makes me think twice. Cough still there but much better. I am genuinely thinking of working part time and filing for bankruptcy when this job is over. It is all uphill with the debt situation and I still can’t pay any of it off.

[Monica1]

But surviving. Cough is very slowly clearing but a few side effects from the herbs which upset my stomach, not as bad as antibiotics though.
Thought I would look at a dating agency for a change and realised that all men my age or even 50 plus look ghastly so again as it has always been internet dating not my thing.
Pete came up tonight and bought me a new printer as mine had broke. Pete said that he isn’t ready to move on at all. I think I am but I did realise that I still love him even though I am fine with how things are. Unusual situation.
My son is moving in this weekend, all happening very quickly now.
Just keep going. Aware I have a need to have some fun.
My daughter visiting next week as her youngest is having to do a family tree for a school project, how exciting, and very relevant as we r all looking into that as a family at the moment,

[Monica1]

I am sorry for your loss. I would be devastated if anything happened to bailey. You are grieving as anyone wouldand u need time to grieve. When my daughters dog was put down she grieved for months, the dog was part of the family. Life isn’t easy at the moment for us it would seem. Here’s hoping for some respite.

[Monica1]

Yes, I agree, when the body won t cooperate it is hard. I’m not sure what to do anymore.
The big laugh I had was when my son saved the day and got all the trash bags down the dump. He had to separate thebags. And he said imagine his horror when there was a bag full of Anne summers things. I used to sell Anne summers things in the early noughties. He said he needed therapy after doing that. Bags full of vibrators and such like I used to hold as stock. I laughed rather hard, it was so funny.

[Monica1]

On Sunday I slept late And missed a Sunday lunch invite. My son and his girlfriend came round and spent hours clearing the rest of the room. Many many Bags full. Stacked it all in exes for taking to the dump Monday. Took myherbs which really upset my stomach, pain and nausea. Woke up a few times in the night.
Felt yuck and guts triggered about once a week now. Really felt unwell but kept going. Ex rAng to say needed my I’d to get in the dump andas he hD a job to do would dump everything back outside my house. He rang just as I hadmajor pain in my guts. I said a prYer that this would not happen and it did t but so many annoying little things that just accumulate. Didn’t get paid as a system error. Missed my writing class for second time and just wondering really what is possible these days. A bit fed up all in all. I am fed up of my guts kicking off and feeling unwell. Sometimes things just don’t work out, too often for my liking sometimes.

[Monica1]

On Sunday I slept late And missed a Sunday lunch invite. My son and his girlfriend came round and spent hours clearing the rest of the room. Many many Bags full. Stacked it all in exes for taking to the dump Monday. Took myherbs which really upset my stomach, pain and nausea. Woke up a few times in the night.
Felt yuck and guts triggered about once a week now. Really felt unwell but kept going. Ex rAng to say needed my I’d to get in the dump andas he hD a job to do would dump everything back outside my house. He rang just as I hadmajor pain in my guts. I said a prYer that this would not happen and it did t but so many annoying little things that just accumulate. Didn’t get paid as a system error. Missed my writing class for second time and just wondering really what is possible these days. A bit fed up all in all. I am fed up of my guts kicking off and feeling unwell. Sometimes things just don’t work out, too often for my liking sometimes.

[Monica1]

Hi Liz, that’s good progress, and quite a responsibility with the banks. I would ask him about lone working policies. It always concerns me when people r asked to work alone and also let him know what your predecessor said. It sounds like a good opportunity for you and I am pleased uhave a job. You didn’t think it would happen and it really didn’t take long. Good luck with it.

[Monica1]

how’s things?

[Monica1]

Said a prAyer. Ty for letting me know!

[Monica1]

Yes I did get the picture Vera. It is a difficult situation. I would maybe have a talk with my son, but I do t think it would make any difference. My own son has watched me make a big mistake which I carried on with for years and I hve also watched him do same. All I can say I think is that sometimes the so called mistakes in life often lead us to our greatest discoveries and wisdom. Gambling did that for me or rather stopping gambling did that for me. Speak soon.

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