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Welcome to the forum. Well done for coming for support. When I get urges I read the stories of fellow members and people who I have met in GA who all have hit their rock bottoms with gambling. That can mean anything from bankruptcy, losing everything, as I did, to prison or insanity. Gambling affects our mental health and will make any pre existing mental health condition worse. Anxiety, ocd, depression all can be side effects of gambling and again manifest in early recovery. Others distract by doing something else, anything, even the washing up. Keep looking for support as we genuinely cannot do the recovery journey alone.
Firstly go to the groups on here for new members facilitated by Charles. Get gsmbling specific counselling support either through Gamcare or GA. I personally have found this forum and the groups the most helpful. There is a Gordon Moody women’s programme that I have been on that helps a lot if you r in the U.K.
Try not to blame your mum. She didn’t ask for this addiction any more than u did but are you able to speak to her that you have also the same addiction and cannot be drawn into any gsmbling related activity? When we admit we are powerless over gambling and our lives have become unmanageable then that is the start of wanting to go on the healing recovery journey.Welcome to the forum. You did not ask for this addiction but all of us on here have it. When it takes over it becomes an obsession and doesn’t let go until we admit to ourselves that we are powerless over gambling, that our lives have become unmanageable and that a higher power can restore us to sanity again. First three steps of GA. many of us had also had multiple relapses before we ended up in recovery. To just abstain from gambling is not recovery because the addiction will drive you mad with all the lies, just one more time, it’s ok, you’ll win and cash out this time, all the rubbish lies. We have to say no to the addiction, that it is destroying us and is progressive taking us down further into a bottomless pit of insanity, bankruptcy, crime or suicide. That is it’s nature.
There is a way out, and that is to get support on the facilitated groups on here, write a journal, go to GA. I would suggest Charles facilitated groups to start. Many of us have required counselling to understand the triggers, why we started and work on those. We need help and support to step out of it but it all starts with facing ourselves and admitting that we are powerless over gambling.
I had a small 4 figure retirement fund. I used all of it to gamble, I ended up destitute and sick and also suicidal. Completely broken. That was the consequences of gambling. But I am not broken now. Life is better. We can emerge out of the very distressed hole that gambling brings like a phoenix from the ashes. And you sound as though you are quite young which means you can recover your life fully. Don’t take the retirement fund unless you need funds to live, can you give your money to your girlfriend to look after. You could say you had one slip and that you don’t want torisk it any more. Early recovery can make us feel anxious with mood swings, it did to me but they go, the longer distance we put between ourselves and a bet. Hope to see you in the groups or on the forum.Me next for those. To me this is the hardest to beat and you r doing so well.
I think my day will be the new year. Eeekkk..
you are doing amazing Kathryn and getting the most out of life. Sounds like a lot of fun. As they say in the U.K, was well Jel about Cher. I think she is amazing. Next stop, the eagles, welcome to the hotel,California reminds of the U.K. and the eu, you can check out any time you like but you can never leave. That makes me smile.
Laughter is good for the soul.Imagine reaching mid fifties and feeling the way you describe. That’s where I was. Life hadn’t panned put the way I had wanted and deep within I was angry about that and had given up. It was why the gambling started. You are being very down on yourself. Gambling will only make things worse. We have to seek support which may be counselling, expressing in our journal or GA. life can and will get better. We have to do the first three steps of GA. admit that we are powerless over gambling and that our lives had become unmanageable. Do you believe that a higher power can restore you. Do you believe that? Because I do. I am living proof of it. Nine months of destitution and illness and pain in recovery. What r u grateful for Dave? You are alive and u can make those little steps one day at a time. Early recovery will bring out of us the things we need to take a close look at. And then we go and get support with how we feel about that. It is one day at a time.
Pete cleans for me and he does it because he happens to be very good at it and I am not. It looks a bigger mess when I am done. Nothing wrong in being a cleaner Liz. If someone in my family behaved like that I would be completely straight with them and tell them I find their behaviour rude and unacceptable. Do something about it or forget it. As you know with gambling people can change but only if they decide to and really want to. You don’t have to put up with it and shouldn’t. There is something called detachment. It is a state of being where we detach from any outcome and don’t get hurt by it. All the strength u need is within you liz.
Groups always behave in weird and wonderful ways according To their position in the group, friendships established and all the other nonsense that goes on in human relationships. Recovery groups of course should not behave in a cliquey way although some unfortunately do. So it isn’t karma, it is just the nature of the group. Find another One!
But it does take time. When we have gambled excessively, there are withdrawals, anxiety, mood swings and depression but this does pass the bigger distance you put between yourself and your last bet. Support is essential from GA, this site or counselling. We have to make that decision. The lows of gambling compulsively, as I did, are truly awful, and last days or weeks, throwing away huge amounts of money until money becomes meaningless, toy money until we have nothing and then can’t even afford basics like food. The addiction of gambling is awful, a monster and beast that can be put to sleep. The urges will go. You have to search inside yourself, do you really want the total misery that gambling brings, and surrender your situation to your higher power. I don’t want gambling in my life anymore, it destroys everything that is good. You can do it one day at a time.
And all of them taken on board, vera!
Just had to comment on the sweeping statement about cash in the hand to a cg. I really take issue with this one size fits all approach. I have never handed over my finances and have never been tempted in recovery to use my reasonable amount of funds in my bank account to gamble. So just to say it is whatever works for you. We r not all the same and I bail at the suggestion and labelling as CGs as if we were all the same. Soapbox over.
Interesting subject and just to add to the debate. One of my triggers for gambling amongst what I call a perfect storm of issues was the fact that my family continually asked me for money, sons, daughter, sister and once it was three times in a day. I would give it willingly,with no expectation of getting it back particularly,to my grown up children. My sister who works full time on a low provincial wage can’t make her bills and has asked me continually on an almost weekly basis. But there is an end to it. It would send me to the tables when I was gambling as I couldn’t cope,with it, having huge debts from being the only financial support for my family. I wanted to alleviate their financial position through gambling, the big lie. I have considered and reflected on this a lot and I would still give it. With my sister there is an end point which is soon once her car loan ends. Part of this was my appalling choice in male partners, not earning at all although both my exes now r both earning but both low wage earners. I went to work as I was a much higher earner, and so it went on for virtually all my adult life while my first ex looked after the kids, which brought its own issues later in life. I would still choose pete though, my second partner even though the road together was hard, but worth it in the end as we have a great friendship.
So I would still lend if I have it, not for control or power, just because I can.Lovely to talk to you in chat and say hi again. I think that will be the last time you have a little lapse. I have prayed for u for strength. You deserve a lot of good to come your way laura because of the way you have supported others. Lots of love xxx