[Monica1]

Welcome to the forum. You are in the grip of an insidious addiction. It has gripped all of us on here but there is a way out. Has gambling got you licked? Can you admit that you are powerless over gambling and that your life has become unmanageable? Do you believe that a higher power can bring you back to sanity? The first three steps of GA. you stop by seeking support on the groups on here, by posting or going to GA. are you able to get counselling support? All of us have had multiple times of stopping only to start again. This is a progressive illness and on.y gets worse the longer we r in the addictive cycle. You can do it with support.

[Monica1]

Pulled something in my back yesterday and it is aching today. Couldn’t find anything in the local shop but rummaged through my drug cupboard and found a heat patch. Usually, it never fails to amaze me that I usually can’t find one useful thing in my pharmacy cupboard!

[Monica1]

Such lovely words kin. I too am blown away by them. Today I slept all day till 5pm. Acupuncture always makes me sleepy to be energised a couple of days later. I awake to find texts from my son and my friend. She is feeling a lot better having been to a Health farm and had a mini romantic encounter there. She feels like miracles are possible. I say I am praying for a treatment option for her. I think to myself you cant just leave it but cannot persuade her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
My son has some time off from work and is moving his things in this week. He has an opportunity to go to the Bahamas, Nassau via Florida with a friend who has won an all inclusive poker package for a 10 million tournament. I say I won’t support gambling. He says he won’t be gambling just that room and breakfast will be free. And that as it his birthday this week, could I contribute. I agree as this is a wonderful opportunity for him to get some r and r. I say to use some of the money I gave him to keep for me. Hurrah, he still has it! The timing is perfect for him. So I agree. Is that wrong? I don’t know.

[Monica1]

For many Xmas’ I bought scratch cards for the family five pound and ten pound ones. The last Xmas gambling I bought loads of them. Last Xmas I had nothing so couldn’t get anything at all. I now buy none since in recovery and don’t care about the lottery. The buying of these cards that Xmas triggered a full blown binge as soon as I got home from Xmas so I figure that even one scratch card could trigger something bigger, and I don’t want that. The gambling brain seeks any where it can gamble which might be acceptable to us.
You are still in early days idi, and I agree with others be kind to yourself. To me the big win which we all craved at one point or still crave is not coming through my gambling.

[Monica1]

Good to see that you have started a thread. Yes, gambling addiction is insidious and can creep up on us. One thing I have noticed for all of us is the outcome is always the same. We put it back and more even if we win big. I have won big in the past and it just all goes back and more. It isn’t a win because we can never win. That is the nature of the addiction, Luckily the damage was not that big. Get back to support and what helps.

[Monica1]

Good to hear about your phone. I am getting an upgrade soon and will need to consider how to block as now i have no internet access which helps me.
On gma, it isn’t the same as GA. the residentials are two to three months apart and last 4 days each. You could take annual leave from work. From what I recall, there wasn’t group therapy per se, there is one session of therapy to start but more along our life path and things that have happened to us, which I found very helpful. There are group sessions on triggers. If not on benefits I am not sure what the cost is. Rural Hereford is a nice location, a bit like a country retreat than a treatment centre.
Thank you for your post on my thread!

[Monica1]

Ty, for some reason this has really helped!

[Monica1]

My back went a bit when I climbed off the acupuncture table and aches a bit now. I keep having memories of a slot game I used to play, old Mac Donald’s farm where the top win was on a horse and I keep replaying it in my head when it came up for me. Hmmmmm… don’t like getting urges. I can only be grateful that I am excluded from all sites that has the game.

[Monica1]

Hope to talk to you in chat as I have something to share that I will not write on my journal. There is a book called healing the soul of a woman by Joyce Meyer. I have been meaning to get it for weeks and will buy it in the next week or two. I feel that women have certain lessons in life that are unique to their gender. In my early life up to my early thirties I felt that I was nothing without the man in my life and my ex did everything to support this view and actually believed it. Getting older has shown me that we and God r all we need.
Today I went for a radio frequency facial. Supposed to stimulate collagen and I certainly feel a lot smoother in the face. Could tell str8 away. My weekends r filled with things to rejuvenate and look after myself. Hugged the therapist at the end of it.
Went for acupuncture and we have agreed to knock the herbs out for now owing to the stomach pain. Cough has gone and herbs help the ibs but make stomach far worse. Relaxed during acupuncture and almost fell asleep. Did my food shopping in m and s and home.

[Monica1]

Well when my son came round for the keys the first thing I said to him was that in the next three years I would like him to buy a house. I could not do this for myself but I will do my best to help him to do this for his family. Yesterday I had quite an energised day and today exact opposite! It is cold. My mood dropped last night when I get a text from my friend with cancer to say that refused treatment unless has chemo. I am appalled by this and spend the night looking up treatment options. I am very concerned about her as I know she could not tolerate chemo but in the meantime the tumour is not going away. I dwell on this today and find I totally forget about a meeting at work and I am called to go and attend with my boss saying it was unlike me as I was always on time. I find it is playing on my mind quite a lot. I pray for her and must keep acknowledging that God is in control of everything. But she has t answered my texts which makes me worry about her. I have to stop worrying. It doesn’t get us anywhere.
I find myself on here talked about as an inspiration, I do not feel that at all. I am someone who went so far down the tubes with gambling that the only option was to stop and live! To find God, my higher power and to really feel that working in my life. The relationship is one with a living God. I want that in my life each and every day. In God is my strength and resilience.

[Monica1]

Really good to read Liz. It does feel good to be able to buy things as we know only too well the feeling when there is nothing to even buy basic things. It is so much better to be able to get those things. Well done and keep going!

[Monica1]

The difference between you and I is only that I went so far down with gambling after having many chances to stop and didn’t. I totally destroyed everything with it, I was sick, unemployed, destitute and was one step from being in the gutter and losing my home. I also did gma and the counselling helped. My big issue with life and gambling was a spiritual crisis and it took a spiritual awakening in a brand new way to come out of it. I still have many problems but it is one day at a time. I have gratitude for life itself. There r no guarantees in life of anything but I know that gambling stole five and a half years of my life and took everything. Gma taught me my triggers and nothing is ever worth going back. As kin would say, anger, loneliness, upset, hunger, boredom, nothing is ever worth it. I choose not to be dominated by the beast of gambling that is to me like a living entity. One awake it lives and becomes an obsession. I always say to others dont plunge down as far as I did before we wake up. The big win is a lie.
Anyway glad u opened up another thread! Speak over the weekend.

[Monica1]

बहुत बढ़िया!

[Monica1]

Bien fait!

[Monica1]

Làm tốt!

[Author]

Posts