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Thanks for your post on my thread. I know what you mean. I lost,***** of the times I relapsed, once after 9 months abstinence after my first stint at Gamcare. I did hit rock bottom and got quite ill, was unemployed and about to lose my home. I had very little choice but to quit and I have never regretted it. There is no big win. Money became meaningless until I had none. I was 4 months in recovery but still very sick when I did the gma programme and had to opt out of some of that owing to being unwell. So,I have been through the wringer with gambling. It took everything including my soul. That’s how bad it was.
But, when we seek support and admit we are powerless over gambling and a higher power can restore us to sanity, for me very slowly, and it was slow, just so I really got the message, things began to change for the better. I am now one year and nearly four months clear. The big debts are still there but I am not broke, my relationships have improved, I value life, the money I have which will no longer feed the slot machines.
You are doing well Jen. Keep seeking support and make that decision, can you carry on the way you were? I could not if I wanted to live and recover a life. The addiction was progressive. It will,just take and take from us. Recovery is progressive to and led in me, at 61today, to a spiritual renewal. It is never too late to say yes to life and good choices.Ok, let’s talk triggers because if I learned anything from gma it was about triggers. Usually emotions but it used to be many things.
I used to be triggered by ads on the tv, not any more. I occasionally get images of bonus rounds in the slots I used to love playing but it is the colours and meanings of them. Fairy stories and magic enchantment type slots,I used to love because I loved all of these as a little girl,and maybe it is the yearning for a more innocent and simpler time. Don’t know.
I am triggered by acute tiredness at the end of the week
Emotions, anger, sadness, loneliness, feeling of hopelessness etc. Could all be triggers used as an excuse to escape. My addiction was caused by a hopelessness and a crisis of faith, both regained I hasten to add in recovery. I struggle with open conflict when it involves me, I am usually the peacemaker for others so when I am involved directly it throws me into a tailspin. I am triggered when asked for money three times in a day by family, once i can cope with now.
I would say a big trigger for you, if I may be bold enough to say so, is the feeling of being put down. There was a saying that no one can put you down unless we give them permission to do so. I don’t 100 per cent believe this. But I 85 per cent do. It isn’t an absolute. Because I have witnessed it in a meeting recently when someone attempted to put a colleague of mine down and he came straight out with it and said that looks like an attempt to undermine me, don’t do that. I admired him for that. He asserted himself. Many put downs are as a result,of the person doing the put downing personal issues that they cannot see or face. I have certainly seen that and recently I tackled that too but not face to face. I did it tactically and behind the scenes, because I judged that face to face would do more harm than good. So it is a complex issue.
Dreaming of the big win and then everything will be ok, we will be happy is a big lie. It is ok now. Now is the moment and the time, that is all there is. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow was never meant to be taken literally . I think it means digging deep within for the gold rather than a big pot of gold, money etc.
Good to hear that you will be holding on to your pay. Money becomes meaningless when we gamble until we have none and then it means everything.Thanks for your post on my thread. The problem with an effective blocker is it blocks the good stuff. GamBlock blocked all the support when I had it and switched off my pc when I was trying to do work stuff. Complete rubbish….as we know many of these methods are useless but u have backed up x 10 your blockers which is working. I remember when I had barriers I spent half the time figuring out how to get round them. I now have only gamstop. Better to deal with our triggers and embrace gf time. That gf time becomes so precious for me. It means something, it has value for me so I respect it when I get the odd urge. To me it is a simple tussle between the light and the dark. I choose to go with a good choice today. One day at a time. x
Как я караш? Просто трябва да приемем загубените пари. Повече от пет години за мен, като Вера, това е доста над шест цифри. Отиде, спри, приеми, продължи. Звучи просто. Но спирането на този въртящ се хазартен мозък не е лесно в началото. Но става по -добре, колкото по -дълго време сме натрупали от последния залог. Животът може да стане по -добър. Получавате ли някаква подкрепа?
How r u doing?
We have to just simply accept the money we lost has gone. Over five years for me, like Vera it is well over six figures. Gone, stop, accept, move on. Sounds simple. But getting that whirling gambling brain to stop isn’t simple at first. But it does get better the longer time we have clocked up since the last bet. Life can get better. Are you getting any support?Hoe gaat het? We moeten gewoon accepteren dat het geld dat we verloren hebben, weg is. Meer dan vijf jaar voor mij, net als Vera is het meer dan zes cijfers. Weg, stop, accepteer, ga verder. Klinkt eenvoudig. Maar om dat kolkende gokbrein te stoppen, is in het begin niet eenvoudig. Maar het wordt beter naarmate we langer hebben geklokt sinds de laatste weddenschap. Het leven kan beter worden. Krijgt u enige ondersteuning?
Just caught up with all your posts. I so relate re an addict and bills and money. I have never handled money well in the sense i used to let bills just slip even when not gambling. In recovery slowly but surely our attitudes to many things change. Transformation from the inside out.