[Monica1]

I hoped there was a 10 pm group tonight to chat but not staying up for 11 pm.
Bullying and intimidating, manipulative and sometimes violent men, an issue for me a lot in my life. Not any more. Have you ever set boundaries with your son about what you will tolerate and what you wont? I do this sometimes now in a non angry and non confrontational way when faced with manipulative, anger or men who transfer their issues onto us. It is all about power and control energy snatching with men who do what I call dump their stuff onto another. I would not rely on a partner to do that although it would help if your husband had the gumption to say something. He either doesn’t want to confront it or enables it for his own agenda. Just some thoughtscand insights from the outside looking in. I am glad you are not letting it drive you to the casino. I sense your grit And determination vera.

[Monica1]

A day when not many things go right from the moment I get up.
I forget my purse and have to walk back 15 mins uphill to get it making me late. My hot water didn’t work and I had to bathe and wash hair in ice cold water. At 10 am doubled up with an ibs attack. Someone in my house of 5 flats signed for a parcel for me and I never got it 10 days ago. And so it went on.
Tuesday much better day.
My friend texted. Biopsy shows her tumour isn’t cancer. Well, that’s a turn up. She insisted on a second biopsy. Miracles do happen.
My son has a small part in a new batman series. He is a vin diesel lookalike. I am pleased for him.

[Monica1]

Self care helps us a lot, it has certainly been part of my recovery although I overspend somewhat. But hey, it’s good for us. What did you buy? What face cream? And new glasses is always good.
I need to do groups more as I have a little issue with that computer game, but it is nothing like gambling in that what I spend I can well afford. But nevertheless it is still a waste and I don’t like waste any more.
I miss our conversations. Sometimes in a big group we can’t talk so much, well not like we used to. And I miss Laura too so,it was good to hear from her. Winter a struggle for us all but we will prevail and all make it through… lots of love xxxx

[Monica1]

And how recovery is going. Things have turned round for you in a really good way and I am delighted for you. Well done.
On 14th February I come to 18 months gamble free. And yes life has certainly improved. Like you I have massages and acupuncture and I am less troubled by my gut condition than I was, but it still hasn’t eradicated it.
I have a job till June and am going to the Caribbean end of March. My bottom was particularly,long and difficult and I still haven’t got on top of the big debts yet but there is slow but steady progress. And I am so glad gambling no longer is a part of my life.
Well done again.

[Monica1]

An the only other news is that my niece was bitten by a spider and ended up in a and e with sepsis. This is on the increase in the U.K. odd one that. My sister was upset but I think it will be ok, doc said he had never seen anything like it.

[Monica1]

Really good to hear from you. Yes,we r in the flu season and sometimes it does seem like one continuous bug all winter.
I am ok, had a good productive day at work on Friday and pedicure and facial yesterday.
The only issue is my weekend chillout time. I undeleted that game and spent some money playing it. Need to delete it again. I seem to relate it to chilling out at weekend but have spent way too much on it since before Xmas. Won’t have to pay now as I worked way up to a lot of free tickets, so will play then, and then delete it.
Dental appointment on friday and as expected all the top teeth need to go and too high risk for implants. Can save the bottom teeth but I will reflect on this and get a second opinion at some point. Overseas in Hungary and Poland they have a tendency to take cases that aren’t taken on in the U.K. hey ho. Wasn’t too upset about it, was expecting it. And Pete lost his a few years ago, he said it really isn’t as bad as we think it is.

I have been making some plans for the year without putting too much investment on the plan. My son has just given me my vape Xmas present so need a plan to switch, thinking of taking my sister in a long weekend in Portugal, have found just the spot.

So keep on keeping on, nice to have ideas and plans. I read the alkaline detox book and realised just,how much sugar and crap I am eating. Going to try and change my diet radically, this is the year to make some great changes.

[Monica1]

Welcome to the forum. You have described very well the cycle we have all been in ie the big win, the reverse withdrawal and losing the lot. Payday and then a scramble to repeat all over again. And the anxiety that follows. Thank you for that and the reminder.
The groups on here are very helpful as well as journaling. The new members group facilitated by Charles is also good for advice. Good luck on your journey to be gamble free. It is so worth it.

[Monica1]

Just posted and lost it.
I have been following your thread even though I have been post dry for a while. Mostly,from playing that dumb game instead of dealing with the debt. It’s such a long haul and soul destroying. Glad you cut your credit card debt down from 9 years. Makes u wonder when we will ever be out of debt doesn’t it? In my case with one debt 50 years. Hope u r recovering from the flu now and I am sorry about your bereavement.
I am glad the foreign site didn’t enable u to play. You know there are all these dodgy overseas sites and u will just kiss any money goodbye.
How did the interview go? You didn’t post about it.
And the winter is one long bug ridden time. Everyone at work has been coughing and spluttering for months or throwing up.
Hope to catch u in group.

[Monica1]

Really good to hear from you. Where have u been and how r things?
I agree with you completely. The game stays deleted, it was too mind numbing lol and I didn’t like what it did to my consciousness so I stopped.
Spent half an hour on the phone trying to sort out court action and stop it on council tax debt. Managed to stop court but had to laugh. On the arrears I will be paying till I am 111 ie 50 years. Ha ha.
Rung by a very old 5k credit card debt today incurred 13 years ago. Told them it had passed statute of limitations which it had. They agreed and said they would t contact me again. Hmmm. These r all the tip of the iceberg really. Sorts out 10 per cent of total debt.
I will keep going until I am forced to file for bankruptcy.
But omg, the debt ridden society we live in. Ugh…
I hate dealing with these people. What a waste of life, and time. Been doing it for decades now and I hate it……

[Monica1]

On my way out of the Chinese docs, he turned round and said to me I looked very smart. I had to smile, at least a couple of people are noticing my efforts.
I bought books today which are always my refuge when I feel stressed. Better than mindlessly playing a computer game for hours on end.

[Monica1]

A while since I last posted.
The night out with Pete was fine, except the dog got into a tizz and smashed the 30 quid bottle of Jamaican rum I bought him. He said I looked like I had been to a spa,and said the new posh gear was very nice.
The week at work last week was full of stresses and strains. I am behind on many personal matters and there aren’t enough hours in the day. The debt issues are rearing their head again and I carried on playing my computer game and wasted quite a bit of money. What I realised was that it was my escape, it started before Xmas and ended yesterday. In the middle of playing it I deleted it. That was it. Wish there was a way to permanently block it but haven’t found it yet. What it did was block out what was going on, Xmas and new year I find to be quite stress inducing. All this jolly ness but a lot of crap still happens over Xmas. I didn’t find spending time with my mum and sister a particularly joyful experience. More my awful brother in law really.
Had a letter from my gp saying why hadn’t I been for many months now since last July when prescribed antidepressants and promptly dumped them. Discussed with my Chinese doc at the weekend. He gave me things for the cough which I have had since 27 December. Just one day later and it is starting to clear. He said that I am not depressed now and the cramping attacks which were terrible when I first went there are now about twice a month. He is right. Although expensive it is worth it.
Nearly 18 months gf on the 14th feb and I still haven’t tackled the big debts. The debt issues are starting to come in again and I find dealing with these as I have for many years now a wee bit soul destroying.

[Monica1]

No worries Jen. Celebrate recovery not based in London unfortunately.
My son is out today seeing my granddaughter in Brighton. Last night he got a call back from a voiceover he did to actually read the scriptin an audition. He has done a lot of extra work in the past some of it in well known films. Had to laugh as it was from a Casino. To me they are toxic effluent or whatever vera called it. Today I still played the computer game a little but set out my intent and registered for a Pilates try out class and bought the alkaline diet book. I am going to make that effort. Over Xmas I have put on weight round the middle and I am determined to do what I can to shift it.
Well doing a bit of work then going out for a drink with Pete for his birthday. Saved my French jeans until today to wear and a blouse I got from the posh shop which actually covers my belly ha ha. I look really slim in the legs with a covered tum but I know I need to shift the weight. I won’t even get on the scales. Sent my sister 50 quid without even being asked for it as I know she is really struggling. And now I am keeping to a budget.

[Monica1]

It will be ok, dont want it too much and enjoy it. You are a great person, I have always thought that with a lot to offer. Go with an open mind and be impartial as to the outcome.

[Monica1]

Hi Liz, take things one step at a time. The thing is with this addiction when we stop is that we can get very anxious, lots of anxious thoughts, some based on possibility but many not based on anything but fear. And on Friday I went 8nto overwhelm but it passes. We just deal with one thing at a time and try to self care.
Your daughters life is hers, we can’t control what our children do just be there which is enough. Let go of control over outcomes. You know u r doing a good job liz. You have to forgive yourself, it’s an 8mportant step in recovery. We r all coping with the aftermath of this addiction, and for some of us it will take the rest of our lives. But this doesn’t stop me from finding things to enjoy in life.

[Monica1]

On your gf time and what a great post. Yes, a burning building, or an allergy like peanuts. If I think of gambling now I go ewwwww inside, it is simply that awful. It, however does t stop other addictive tendencies from creeping in. For me over Xmas it was a computer game. However, I am writing down my goals for the year and acting on them. There are far better things to do than gambling.
We cope with life one day at a time. For me no 2 days are the same, with the challenges and joys they can bring. We also focus on our higher power whatever that might be. Surrendering to our higher power works. We do all have that voice and the dance between the light and the dark. However put the light on and it is no longer dark so I know which way I want to travel.

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