[Monica1]

My daughter just rang and is visiting next week. We will go to dinner and talk about renting a room in her house. Everyone has money worries.
It is so hard vera. I know my sister and I know what she earns. To me it is peanuts and she works full time. She is 64 soon and been in the same job for 40 years. What can I do? It is just the times. My eldest son confirmed that he too hadn’t been paid either and the company ha e been making excuses but they have been promised pay on Monday. They both work for the same company. My eldest has lived rent free here now for three months and I ha e to tackle that one soon too. But with being paid back from my middle son, if he doesn’t do it it simply won’t happen again.

[Monica1]

My sons company r late paying him and asked for 100 quid. Here we go again. This keep happening on the same day as I try and deal with my big debts. Trouble is with my middle son I never get it back. I said today to him it is a matter of respect. This time pay it back.
Any idea why I get this so much on the same day ?

[Monica1]

Thanks steev for your post on my thread. Glad to see Vera has set you up on your own thread. I am interested in what has brought you here as you have been gamble free for decades now, is that right?

[Monica1]

I took advice many times, the last a year ago and it has always been to file for bankruptcy.

[Monica1]

Thank you so much for posting on my thread. I only get the oldies on here posting on my thread these days, Good to hear that you took the right exit on the roundabout. How’s things vera, are you sleeping any better? When you said you were in trouble on my thread what did you mean?

[Monica1]

Well, this week. Work as busy as ever.
My nieces spider bite. Last time I heard there was a big hole on her foot so it will scar. My sister was very stressed by it all and another call today to say her car exhaust has gone owing to a pothole in the road and needs money to fix. She lives in a rural area and needs the car to get to work. She was incredibly stressed i could tell so I sent her 150 quid. No quibbles, no nothing, just sent it. she has nothing left of her salary after usual living costs paid. She will sue the council for the damage to her car.
My mum, well she was waiting to go into the procedure on Monday when the consultant cancels it saying the rather angry rash she has is shingles. I call her on Tuesday.
Is the rash down one side only I ask, no she says, does it resemble chicken pox, no she says, does it hurt no she says, so I say you don’t have shingles, it sounds like a contact dermatitis and 24 hours later she realises it is indeed that and down to a new bath cleaner. How can you trust a consultant to make a fundamental mistake like that when even I can diagnose what she has. I think my mum didn’t want it done as she kind of admits to being very apprehensive about it.
Well today, worked from home and I get a call and I know who it is and I answer. It is the inland revenue about to have a right go. It is the pre instigating bankruptcy proceedings call and this is the big one around my debt. I am 18 months gf next week and here we are still not having dealt with the very big debts because of how long recovery has taken and the extent of the destruction. I guess I am in a better space to start addressing this but I would be lying if I said it didn’t weight heavily on my mind. I tell my story and he changes his tune a wee bit. I ask for the vulnerable section to deal,with all of this and he gives me their details and address. I said that I would write in a week. This is the big debt folks, the one I have been dreading and the one that tips me into bankruptcy. But I will face it and ask for God and Jesus my higher power to help me through it. What he did say was that it is in neither interest to head for bankruptcy and that he could see I was back at work earning now. Determined they won’t take everything, but hope I can avoid bankruptcy.

[Monica1]

Just realised I posted this on your thread not idis.

[Monica1]

I felt that way when I was doing it to self destruction. But the truth is none of us r lost causes. Let me know when u r in group and I will come. Would like a chat.

[Monica1]

Well done Jezi. I found the early weeks of GA very difficult. In early recovery many emotions come to the surface and all of the reasons we did gambling in the way we did come to the surface. I walked out a couple of times before I blubbed uncontrollably.
This does pass and we do become our healthy selves again. But we do need to work through some of the stuff and if I am honest I didn’t feel safe in GA to do this. My sponsor was gambling throughout and tried amateur counselling. Many women don’t feel safe in GA is my observation. But I do acknowledge for many that GA does work. I did feel safe in gma and on the programme but it was a difficult time for a few months. But it does pass. Well done, proud of you.

[Monica1]

Well I did t sleep much last night and I figured it was an 11am cup of coffee and thinking about my holiday. I do t usually drink coffee after 9am. We r all different and more energised in every way after a good nights kip.
Now we can work with all the things we don’t like about ourselves. I make a point of doing so. Even if no one else notices, I do, and that is enough for me. I have put off joining a gym but will do so this weekend. I want to take off at least 10 lbs before going away. So we can have a plan for ourselves.
When in recovery we work through the multiple issues that caused us to seek and in my case welcome self destruction. These are often complex, not just one thing, and we need to understand and work through these with the help of our higher power. For me, it was painful mentally, physically and emotionally. We have to dig deep. I am not the same person who I was even pre gambling, I am better and more enriched because of what I know and went through. Hard as it was. Wouldn’t want to go back there ever, but I acknowledge what recovery has shown me.
Hope we speak soon. Going sleep now cos only had 2 hours last night. X

[Monica1]

And for thinking of me and my mum. Mums procedure cancelled. Call this morning to day she has shingles which I have had and it ain’t fun. Sleepy so bed for me.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you and thanks for your post on my thread. Keep going with the work if you can. Hopefully the physio will build momentum and you can work part time relatively pain free.

[Monica1]

Have slept on and off all weekend. Have done nothing and I feel fine with that. Sunday’s r hangovers for my son, he seems to overdo it every Saturday. I was the same at his age. Need to find out what’s driving that.

[Monica1]

Not sure from your post whether u were able to gamble or not?
There can’t be many sites left, only the dodgy overseas ones or r u trying with your maiden name?
Knowing there are only the dodgy sites left would really put me off. Why is it that u want to gamble do you think? What is driving it? I don’t want to gamble at all because I see it as a big fraud, a lie. I could,win a hundred thousand tomorrow and I know that it will be on the back of some poor souls losses. I also know that it would trigger the addiction all over again and money again will become meaningless in value. I,don’t want to engage with the misery of gambling, I am living with the daily damage of what the addiction has done for me. So what is it? Rebelliousness? I can relate to that as when I had blockers on i was forever finding ways around them and was usually successful in that.
Boredom? The need to release stress with the excitement of gambling in the same way I used to binge drink in my thirties as a form of release?
This thing is such a beast that we have to constantly Tune into support. When we don’t want to at all. It,is because there is something in the background stopping us and it is usually the addiction up and running, lots of love to you idi x

[Monica1]

Your granddaughter coming to live with u would be a big change and I imagine a source of great joy. Incidentally, I was not a completer finisher of things until I got to 28 or 29.i did loads of things and didn’t finish them. But it changed and for many years now I like to see things through. Though for me often illness got in the way of finishing things like my writing course. But we can always go back when we feel the time is right. I sometimes think even if we don’t finish things sometimes it sets the course for something else and better. All learning is good.

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