[Monica1]

Yes, it is precarious and there r no easy solutions or else we would have thought of them. Her husband has half a nose due to cancer and doesn’t wear his prosthesis. Has frightened people when out but doesn’t bother me a bit. He is 72. He has emphysema and can’t walk 50 yards. He has semi lost his marbles and lives in a very small world. Need I say more. He can’t work and is on minimal pension as he didn’t pay enough stamps when self employed.
As I said no easy solutions.
Feeling fed up today, getting court letters when I have bloody paid it. Grrrrrrrr…

[Monica1]

I can see it is difficult to get advice on this really because no one knows the situation or my sister so it is just conjecture. She is an ex bankrupt from many years ago because of her husband secret habit of spending thousands on porn. She lost her home because of this when it all blew up. Believe it or not some people work full time in the shires ie rural areas. and only earn maybe 22k pre tax. It doesnt go anywhere when the private rent takes up over half of it. So no, she can’t get a loan and she can’t meet her bills. As I have said previously that is the situation. I raised this with her husband at Xmas but he can’t handle anything. Don’t tell me i don’t want to know was what he said.
The price would go up because she probably forgot vat or something.
She can’t stand her husband and he truly is in quite a bad way physically and mentally but she can’t afford to go it alone either as she tried. No easy solutions here at all.

What I did get from yesterday is she must stop asking me and approach her daughter.

[Monica1]

I did go out for a walk and now have some work to do. Liz, thanks. It is difficult to make decisions sometimes but I was angry and I knew it was enough.

[Monica1]

She didn’t own her house. She lost it when she went bankrupt because her husband spent thousands on internet porn! That’s when the estate gave her a tithe cottage which is the one that was up for sale. She owns nothing, just like me lol. My daughter the only house owner in the family and that’s because her husbands mum bought it outright. Sigh…

[Monica1]

Thank you, she lives in a rural area where there is hardly any public transport and it is a long way to her work, remember she was evicted from her last home because the landlord evicted 20 tenants and put their houses up for sale,. Hers still is. So she didn’t get a choice as to where she lived. It was the only place on offer and it is very small. She has gotten rid of nearly all her possessions of any worth, So she relies entirely on her car. And it was a pothole that caused the exhaust to fall off the car for which she is suing the council, She is trying many things, like me has no pension as she cashed it in over the last five years just to survive. She is trying the PPI route. She has always been good at embroidery and I encouraged her to make stuff and sell it but she isn’t really confident enough to do that. It is the most she can do, like me, to do a 5 day work week. She obsessively checks her bank account for every penny going out and can’t afford luxuries. One big bill and this was over 200 quid and that tips everything over the edge, many people in the U.K. living like this now. But Venezuela it isn’t and we have to be thankful for the things in our life.
One day at a time.

[Monica1]

Yes, that is what I will say to her as I love her. That doesn’t change. I think that is the right thing to do Vera, say I am there for her in all things but money. And I expect the si.ence will be deafening to.

[Monica1]

I will have to contemplate what the French priest said, he is right about putting God first. But I d t know what God has to say in this situation or what I need to learn from it. I got a text from my middle son yesterday to say he would put it in my bank on Monday, and I think he will. It was the respect conversation I spoke to hi, about this time. It is hard to know what to do with anger. I really don’t know what to do with it as I don’t often feel it. God would say do t let your emotions rule you. I did t lash out in anger though but I did say how I felt and that I wanted her to leave me alone for a while. We have never got to this situation before, she has never so consistently asked me since she moved house in August, that is every couple of weeks for six months. She plays the victim in all of this and that annoys me even more.

[Monica1]

Her daughter, Amy, with the spider bite, who unfortunately has inherited her fathers meanness, I tell her to ask her as she is doing well at work and has just bought a new flash car. I don’t even drive. She would probably say no at the first ask. But she must stop coming to me. My mum I know would be really concerned about this which is why I think she asked me to take care of things when she leaves the planet. I gotta let it go but I know I have had enough of this.

[Monica1]

You are always there with a good word when I seem to need it. Thank you. This has upset me as well as losing my gym membership details … And I texted her and asked that we hve some space and that I am not responsible for her, yes, she does ask me how I am. But has never asked if she can help me. They don’t even care about the addiction I had reallyor even begin to understand it. I have known for many years that she is jealous of me, the education I strived over decades to get and what I earn now. It showed at my graduation when she felt a deep regret at not having achieved that in her life. It was why I asked my mum not to tell her about my holiday. But there is nothing to be jealous of.
I know my guts will flare if I am not careful so the only thing I can do is ask her to leave me alone. And I mean it, and that just upsets me even more. It would have been simpler just to give it to her really.
I will go for that walk shortly. I don’t know and I will have to pray about it Vera because I think we should share what we have with loved ones. I didn’t object to giving her money for the car but in less than 24 hours it wasn’t enough. And that is what I object to, What would make someone do that?

[Monica1]

Get a text from my sister ask g for more money cos the car cost more than expected and I feel really angry. I really don’t like the feeling, not comfortable feeling this way. I text her to say I am sick of it and she should have some self respect. I feel that she should grow up at 63. She is demonstrating manipulative behaviour and was never like this. Even when I was destitute I never asked anyone for money. It was offered and I paid every penny back. I feel a mix of guilt and anger and I just don’t know what to do with these feelings. Go for a walk I think.
I switch my phone off as I just don’t want to talk to her.

[Monica1]

On the gym wall a local Jesus centred recovery group just down the road from me. Not affiliated to anything aside from the church. Will go and check it out.

[Monica1]

Quite an enjoyable day today. Spent morning on here reading and commenting on threads. Texted Pete who was about to text me. This happens with me and him a lot. Have t seen him for a month. He is a bit low on jobs so I said please come and do some cleaning which he said he will do. Got on an overcrowded bus which took twice as long to get me to my beauty shop. Glad to get off.
Then went for a massage which has me completely zonked at the end. And I walk into the gym acrsoss the road and join. Cheaper for over 60s but I won’t be going to the over 60s classes. Oh No, not me… my goal is to get into a bikini for my hols. Haven’t done that for 15 years when I was a teeny size 10.
Went for acupuncture and said that I am giving it a break for a while. And then did shopping for the week in m and s. Happy
Days.

[Monica1]

You are not ugly. Not at all. Everyone has things about their appearance or body they would like to change. Sometimes we get how we think we appear to others out of proportion. And there are things we can do about it even though it may seem like we are fighting a losing battle, we need to keep up the good fight. Power about to go on iPad so will post later. Xx

[Monica1]

When I was deep in the do you were the one that advised me to have a plan on each area of life. And I do have a kind of plan and some goal setting, knowing that life can change plans sometimes.
We have done GA a lot on here and it isn’t for you and it isn’t for me either! It helps others, we can also see that. End of. Move on… I will look up the smart programme. Now gma Programme helped, it didn’t do it for me but it helped a lot, just to have someone there in the counselling to encourage without judgment. But for me it was a tough time, no doubt about that. I really liked the Jesus focussed celebrate recovery Jen spoke about except it is nt down sarf unfortunately. That sounded like a good programme.
I think u know deep inside that controlled gambling with limits doesn’t work. But it does reduce harm. I was constantly setting limits and then stopping the limits. It plays with the mind in the same way that reverse withdrawal does. There will always be the time when if we just coulda put in another 20 quid thoughts. And I don’t like the way these things manipulate our thinking, we are being manipulated by a silly machine at the end of the day.
I don’t think you r in pain idi, not in the same way some on her including me are or was. But I do think there is something niggling away at the back of your mind which when we are in group I might mention, but not on your thread. Something along the classic mid life crisis sort of thing. And we could all take a leaf out of take the body and the mind will follow, junk in leads to junk thoughts. I know that one for sure. I need to get my body moving and to become more friendly to it. Let’s see if I join the gym today!

[Monica1]

You are dealing with a lot sherrie and emotions come to the surface in early recovery. Why aren’t you taking your meds? What is the underlying reason? Is it meds where u r advised not to stop suddenly?
I also don’t have supports around me, it is me that is usually the support and in life that is really hard to deal with. Who is going to put their arms around me and say it is all ok. No one that’s who! Does that make me sad,? Not really. Get fed up with it every now and again. But I rely on my Heavenly Father and Jesus, each and every day.
I think it is what your husband has said that has upset you. You can gain his trust back sherrie.

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