[Monica1]

On a positive note, my sister texts to say her poi payment will be through soon so that will help her with her overdraft. I say to sort herself out first and then pay back.
On another front, the gym membership details I lost when overloaded with shopping, stopped off at the gym yesterday and someone has used them to change my password. It’s february and second crime this year against me. Nothing for decades and 2 in two months.

[Monica1]

I posted a reply the other night and then she was down for maintenance. That was irritating. Lovely word anam cara. And yes I suppose we are. Yes I have seen Motown the musical. Now that u have seen it I guess I can say although I have always been a huge fan of Motown, four tops in particular, the musical was disappointing. I was right at the front and a lot of it was lip syncing.
I have eaten out a lot this week, probably four or five times and enjoyed it but way too much cake. Didn’t use the office I had been given for a week but nice to know it was there.
Am trying to buy one or two things a week for my holiday.
My son said nothing about pete so I am leaving it there.
On Friday went to a big meeting with the cfo and he said he had heard lots of good things about me and did I want the job permanently. That is really a difficult decision to make. One, because it would see me through to retirement, but it is one challenging job and two because I don’t pay off all my debts if I do, well miracles can happen but not on that salary which even much better than most still isn’t enough for me. . I read sherries journal about how the money things sort themselves out. But for me it is so big that I still don’t know if it will ever sort itself out and it will be large sums monthly till I retire. And then file for bankruptcy. The longer I can put it off the better. And over 18 mo this on the big debts still not sortedout into payments.
Saturday went for a facial and manicure. I could get quite used to spending every other Saturday on pAmpering. Fell asleep at 10 and awake at 4. Ate the last of the cake. No cake this week.

[Monica1]

Well, you talk of getting older and one of the things about getting older is you need less sleep. I am Ok ty. Fell asleep at 10 and awake at 4. Came on here, read a bit and then fell asleep again.
Now I don’t agree with you about being older makes one less dynamic. I put my strength and resilience down to the Heavenly Father and Christ who strengthens me. The cfo where I am attended a meeting with me, said he had heard good things about me and did I want the job permanently. Those good things happen because every day of my recovery I listen to scripture. I strengthen that relationship with Christ in which all things are possible. It honestly gives me more strength and each day is anew. I am grateful for life itself. And a funny thing happened where a senior manager at work was talking about a team of older people saying they were slower. At 61.5 years I just looked at him and said, really? He had not thought or counted me in that older people bracket.
And I am sure your years of service mean a lot to those children, idi. You should be proud of what u do. I am proud of what you do.

[Monica1]

Well done for stopping gambling. I recognise overwhelm as have often been there myself. I do nothing at those times, stay in bed, rest up, keep things very simple. Empty the mind of the clutter. Recovery for me was like a rebirth and new life in which there is no space for regret. It changes a person and coming through this addiction even with all its ongoing issues brings something new in us. Of course there may be a little regret but I don’t really regret it because I am wiser and have more empathy because of it.

[Monica1]

Oops again.

[Monica1]

Had meetings in central London today and after went for high tea in fortnam and masons with a colleague. 65 quid for a small Welsh rarebit and English tea and scones. A pleasant enough experience 3ce experience but not over keen to repeat it. My feet hurt all day and when I got home pete came round to help my feet by spa,I g the. And pumping off the rough skin that was causing me some pain. He also and did some cleaning. Munched on cheeseburgers he bought round.
And blow me, pete walks down the stairs and passed my son coming up them. Bloody typical. My son was in Glasgow yesterday, came in and went straight out to go to Manchester. I think because my son feels the way he does about pete their oaths just seem to cross every now and again. And even though I know why my son feels the way he does, I don’t want to keep skulking round secretly in my own home.

[Monica1]

Gsmbling is a big fat lie. Won’t fill any empty feeling, just makes everything worse. For what it’s worth I think your husband is right. Going public has its pitfalls. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Counselling helped me even if it was do someone to talk to on s not very deep level, it helped.
I dry gambled for a while in recovery but it genuinely wears off, it does t do anything aside from pass the time. And it is boring. I just play free facebook games now, hidden object ones or bingo with the golden rule never to spend money.

[Monica1]

We were/are all messed up lol. But welcome to the human race. We r all just making it one day at a time. I read your threads every day particularly around things you have blobbed. A great new expression for me! Makes me smile.

[Monica1]

Thanks for the post on my thread. Keep going. It’ll work out. I of all people know how hard it is sometimes. My list of to dos is so long. One day at a time.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you,wondered where u were. Support has been short on here lately or support that is well intentioned but not reading situations right, so great to have the old crew posting on my thread.

[Monica1]

My old friends and what a delight to hear from you laura. Well Sunday evening I try and summon up the energy to go for a drink with Pete and bailey. We have a good effect on each other. Both our hearts lift when we see each other, it makes a difference. I have three glasses of wine and feel a bit sick as I am. I longer a drinker. Bailey does t break anything this time and Pete walks me home. I ask Pete why he still wears my ring on his finger and wasn’t it about time he takes it off. No he says. I must say it looks right on his finger, third finger, right hand.
I wake up thinking I would have a hangover but I didn’t and go to work with my usual Monday morning ibs attack which settles on peppermint oil after two hours.really strange that. And I try and ok Friday off but my bosses are off and I have to cover. I know at this point that I have have pretty much had as much as I want to take here and plan to look elsewhere after my holiday end March. I will take next Monday off though, not the Friday I wanted to.
Well today, very busy and get a text to say my granddaughter missing since yesterday lunch and police called. I text her to say tell your mum you are ok, and she does. My ex daughter in law now wants a family conference as to what to do. Y granddaughter is going down the same road I did and my sons did, a few teenage years of bunking off, boys etc. I don’t know what to do t9 help as I know my granddaughter doesn’t want to move back to London from Brighton. My son is in Glasgow working and I am glad really cos he gets angry with my granddaughter. I don’t as I recognise me in her and I got back on the rails again as did my sons, only go off the rails with gambling in my mid fifties. Ah well, it will work itself out.

[Monica1]

In sherries words, which I think is great, I blobbed my gym induction today. I couldn’t find my gym kit and it took me ages to find it. Has it been that long? Yes it had, maybe about 13 years. But there is always another day. My hairdresser gave me an evening appointment and did a really good job with a cut and colour. Got a taxi there and back. I feel flat and I dont feel happy. I have no balance in my life. It is all work and that is not good. I think getting the court letters when I had paid my monthly instalment for council tax got me down a bit but that isn’t it.

[Monica1]

Yes, it was 18 months Vera on Valentine’s Day and I am nitmhugely,further forward when it comes to the debts. The court letter I got upset me when I paid it. Your instalment plan is cancelled when I,paid it and not even late. I should have written the,letter to the inland revenue this week but no time to do that. My life revolves around work but It is never ending and there will always be too much there to,do, hence wanting to withdraw now. I will look elsewhere after my holiday. I
always delegate, that isn’t the issue. trouble is the staff are very inexperienced and need a lot of support. I was asking myself why I have got so sucked in to overwork which happened in my last permanent job. Where I work has huge problems.
As an interim I usually,do the job and find it easy to move on. But i have got so,sucked in to this job.

[Monica1]

I have not had a good week. I have felt tired and many things have not gone right. I have felt tired and tried to summon up energy and not had much spare. This week

My pc kept crashing every minute since Monday
I have felt harassed and stressed
I didn’t sleep and was late in
I still feel guilty about my sister
Council tax threaten court and bailiffs again but I paid it on time
I wonder why I have overcommitted to this job. I did 11 years ago in my last perm job, worked really hard and ended up with burn out
On the positive
I was honest with my bosses, they said to take a couple of days off and to take my one day a week working from home even if there r meetings. I have had 5 days off inc 2 at Xmas over 7 months. Not enough!
My boss offered me an Office for 10 days so I do t get constantly disturbed.
My son after the respect conversation paid me back today
Too bad I am too knackered to appreciate it all!

[Monica1]

Well done!

[Author]

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