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I am glad you posted and hope u continue to do so. It helps to have somewhere to talk about how we feel.
Sometimes it’s difficult when people mean well and want to provide support but we r as human as the next person when we may hold views or have experience that is quite different to how it feels for ourselves in those relationships. I have experience of that on this site. People care about you. We rvhere to support you.
None of my family would ever do counselling from the top of it down the family lines. I was the only one so it was pointless. Many years ago in the early 90s family therapy was suggested as my family were quite dysfunctional. No one but me would do it, so I get it.
Hope u feel better from the methotrexate, a strong drug, and I really hope you keep journaling.We should pick one of our groups for this topic.
Welcome to the forum. You write very eloquently about the battle within and it makes for an interesting read. . I see gsmbling almost as a separate entity like a beast or demon. I am now 19 months gf but I still remember how progressive it all was and how I would have a voice telling me to gamble today and u will win. 80 per cent of the time it was right but a big win never stays there. It isn’t real money, just numbers on a page and it always goes back and more. It feeds the beast 7ntil there is nothing left of who we used to be. Getting in touch with our higher power whatever we believe that to be is often the turning point for addicted gamblers. It was for me. We lose ourselves and turn to the dark side, if you like when gambling, or at least the destructive side of ourselves. The world and ourselves are a mix of darkness and light. Today and every day I choose to switch the light on and surrender to my higher power.
We got cut off, Dominican Republic is a symbol of recovery. When things were bad for me in recovery, idi and I befriended a Canadian lady on here, Sarah, who spent winters in the dr. We were both inspired by it and I was destitute but I said that I would go there, and one year later I am, as symbolic of recovery.
Welcome to the forum. You said it, You had a life and with gambling you don’t. And that is what gambling does. I also ran Into to difficulties with an untrained sponsor at GA but GA isn’t really my thing. This site is my thing, and Gordon Moody where I did the women’s gambling programme. We have to really want to give up gambling. It is only through accessing our higher power, whatever u believe that to be that helps us.
While counselling can really help, and I recommend it, we can be stuck in childhood trauma till very late in life. Sometimes mental health professionals keep us stuck. For me, I also had a fair amount of adult childhood trauma. And you know what, I reached a point where it was just get over it. Forgive them, they were doing their best and we never know the lives that people have that makes them who they r. This is a new day.
Gambling is a progressive illness, it get worse until, like me we hit rock bottom, and then the only choice to survive is to stop. We recover our lives slowly but surely. We all on here have had relapses and kept the blocks you talk about, those blocks are just the addiction speaking. Decide you want to live life and fulfil those wonderful dreams you speak of, which sound great. I hope keep posting.I agree with idi and Vera. You don’t give someone Control of your money for them to spend it. I gave money to my sons to look after when I had stopped gambling. Both spent it, one paid it back pronto, still awaiting the other which will come in time. But the point is I realised this wasn’t helping me and actually making things worse. So I had to take control and I manage my own money now. Still overspend on clothes this year in particular but I feel like I am emerging out of a chrysalis.
On another matter, when you say you do things with files, what exactly is it you do? Just curious.
Balance in relationships isn’t easy. When I entered well into recovery my relationship had to end as I just wasn’t facing things, and I ended up asking him to move out. We r, of,course, the best of friends now.