[Monica1]

First thing went to see the tropical diseases consultant. Says still dehydrated 10 days after getting home so have to drink water and isotonic drinks. Said illness in dr significant and even if was dengue would be self limiting. Issue is the dehydration, told me kidney function was abnormal which happens with bad dehydration and tests need repeating in 4 weeks.
Did work for four hours and drinking all the time. Still feel a bit wobbly but definitely improving and concentration better. Wake up with headache in morning and very dry mouth which is a sign of dehydration. Also the ectopic sign kidneys and heart struggling with level of d hydration.
Spoke to my mum and sister this ev ning and will visit them whitsun.

[Monica1]

It is just for a year and you have to question about whether you are up to it. Children, particularly toddlers are very hard work. I always find thinking about what I can and can’t do really difficult in the sense I just try and keep going till I can’t any more. What happens if your daughter fails the written test? What r her options?
And that alone feeling, I get that a lot. Sometimes it is good to be alone and sometimes it really isn’t. We can feel alone even with people like I did on my holiday from hell. I wish I had the answers Liz.

[Monica1]

Not perm vera yet and even though I have said yes, really not sure, but I am not myself energy wise, so my judgment not 100%.
Rung this afternoon for my tropical diseases appointment tomorrow. Also rung by surgery who already have summary from yesterday. Talk about efficient. Have repeat kidney function in one month. Wish they were as efficient in their diagnosis. Went out to local shops and bought vitamins. Did one hour of work and I noticed I got a little confused and forgetful on the phone. I was like this before just after I stopped gambling when I couldn’t remember stuff. Writing a history for tomorrow as even with all that I know haven’t got a clue what is going on.
Yes Vera, going into a faint is awful. I was so annoyed when I was in work on time and then it all kicked off. Pete rang me last night. I hadn’t received a reply to a text two days previously and instinctively I just knew something was wrong. His family, brothers and sisters are in Jamaica paying respect to his sister who passed on Boxing Day in 2017 of pancreatic cancer. His sister, Dianne got taken Ill and is in hospital with a suspected brain tumour. Once stabilised they are trying to repatriate back home. Please pray for Diane please.
It feels like hitting sixties it is one thing after another in terms of illness and old friends leaving the planet. Life isn’t meant to be like this, where’s the bloody joy? Seek and ye shall find.

[Monica1]

Just to say if vera tunes in ty for your advice. I went to work, and as soon as I got in small intestine went into spasm and I had a vasovagal syncope and passed out. Was in loo for 40 mins. Got seen in the emergency d partment of where I work.
O2 sats 99 per cent
Chest X ray clear and no evidence of copd, that’s a result
eCG normal
Bloods normal
Protein in wee so my doc right about kidney strain, retest in a month for creatinine
negative for malaria
Treated for acute dehydration with iv fluids, was there all day
Referred urgently to infectious diseases to exclude dengue
What doc think it is is viral infection triggered the chronic small intestine inflammation to flare and trigger vasovagal syncope attacks. But because of the mossie bites and falling ill in dr on 3rd April which still hasn’t fully resolved, gotta be tested for weird tropical diseases. Work very supportive. What a flaming nuisance particularly as not earned now for three weeks and need to earn some pennies.
At least a bit nearer to knowing what’s up.

[Monica1]

Ty for your post, appreciated. I ordered books from amazon, listened to music most of yesterday and just stayed in bed. All plans were cancelled for this weekend and I was ok with it. My son got in take away as the grandkids were over from Scotland. I did manage to get them Easter eggs when I went out to see the doc on Friday. I am going to get my heart and lungs checked out privately, so,it is quick. The herbs are for the bowel, kidney and heart to strengthen them. My son has been depressed for a long time and I think he is getting help soon. My family really need some happy things to happen.

[Monica1]

Went to my Chinese doc first thing. He said what I had already thought. No more flights over 4 or 5 hours. As well as a virus and the ibs, what I had read yesterday was correct. As I only have half a kidney on the left hand side from the cancer I had, the long flights crammed into economy put huge pressure on it and from there pressure on the heart. Rested a lot after acupuncture, spoke to Pete and my sons. Have herbs to take, he seems pretty confident I can get back on my feet. Not so sad now as looked up loads of no fly cruising holidays which seem a better option even if it is with saga.

[Monica1]

Re the right path and drooping spirits. Even when we feel pants it helps to have a chat and keep it real.

[Monica1]

Could have talked for a lot more. Hope we speak soon.

[Monica1]

Yes, it was a good chat last night ty steev. My son texts me a lot tonight and says he recognises the severe jet lag he also experienced so I am hoping it is just that. I spend the evening reading funny stories of flight attendants incidents on planes. For some reason this cheers me up. Y body always has delayed reactions to things ie day 3 get sick, day 2 back jet lag and my skin is now turning a deep mahogany and getting darker by the day.

[Monica1]

I Drag myself into work and by 11am in a state of near collapse with not only ibs but the aftermath of too long in the air. I am sent home.
Feel sorry for myself as I don’t like feeling physically weak and my heart at one point was thumping out my chest just trying to keep going. Look up my symptoms on Tcm and it is heart and kidneys. Have a persistent salty taste in my mouth ever since I got sick in the dr. I know that most of this is the long flights aftermath It was too much for my body to take. I ring up my Chinese guy and will see him tomorrow. I do get texts from work colleagues who care and were so pleased to see me back today even though for some reason they didn’t get my emails yesterday. Fine bloody mess this is.

[Monica1]

Thank you for your post on my thread. I have had to have a reality check about activities I can no longer do, the long haul trips being one of them. Simply haven’t the strength to do this any more as takes too much toll on my body. We have to learn it seems by trial and error about what we can and can’t do. I admire you greatly for what you have done for your daughter knowing I could not do the same. You will get to a balance I am sure.

[Monica1]

Had phone messages from pete, my sister and a friend. All think I deserved better and I agree. Took this morning off as still jet lagged but will work from home this afternoon. Slowly coming back to life and my reality with a reality check on a lot of things. A lot of work to catch up on and put the awful holiday behind me. Decided never to be repeated and won’t be taking holidays for a while now and if I do in the distant future, will much closer to home. Need to shake my sadness off and dust myself down.

[Monica1]

Much as u think u r a difficult companion, I would have preferred your company 100 times over what I ended up with. Slit wrists time. I am in bed today getting over the return journey. I have just explained to my son why my personal life has always been a bit of a disaster and certainly my work life has taken priority and generally made me happier than many other things in life. I feel quite depressed about it and why things just don’t seem to work,out for me in my personal life. It really makes me feel very sad. But for whom does life,work,out well? My health now has to improve. I am tasting salt in everything wine I got Ill in the dr with a sore tongue. Looked it up b12 and zinc deficiency.
My son just said we should be like little donkeys and just plod on. Sometimes it is hard reconciling this world and the people in it to any chance of happiness.

[Monica1]

Reading through threads this evening. Vera’s to call me crazy. About how loss and separation run through our lives. And there is truth in this. I know sometimes I am afraid of how much I love with the fear of losing it. Also, two dreams I had while away I must discuss with Vera. Both to do with marriage, it was my wedding but I was already married and the second one there was no groom with a packed hall including my mother and a withered wedding dress. Hmmmm…..

[Monica1]

Yes it is really good to be back and I really value my family. I love them so much. My son and his girlfriend had cleared out my bedroom while I was away. Shanti, his girlfriend is a talentedartist and has given me some of her art for my bedroom. She bought me a lovely Easter egg. My son has great plans for my bedroom and the rest of the home. It is so much better. So,I very much appreciate being back. Nothing worse than being ill in a Strange country and I felt acute feelings of loneliness on this trip. Where everyone is a stranger and the people u are haring the journey with have nothing in common. Evenings spent in silence cos no one knew what to talk about aside from comments on the food. Every evenings entertainment same music as the previous night, Groundhog Day.
On way out before I got in the plane to New York City which was 8 hours, I had been singled out by us homeland security for a full search. I asked whether this was random and it wasn’t. Happened to my son in way home from Bahamas too. It is our foreign surname. Nation of xenophobes. So 8 hours to New York, then 4 hours flight to Santo Domingo and then another 4 hours transfer by car. Awful. The hotel thought the 73 year old gentleman who travelled with was my husband and gave us a room which they quickly changed. He had copd and was coughing and spluttering the whole way and kept laughing and nudging me on the plane. Ahhhhhgggg! And the woman who looked very serene was a right wing nazi in her thinking about survival of the fittest. I mean really. Could not have had worse company.
More to follow…

[Author]

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