[Monica1]

Another frustrating work day on Friday. Same problem with IT. My boss escalated it at director level and nothing… anyway, I sometimes think I am quite slow in adjusting to modern technology but last night I subscribed to Netflix and enjoyed back to back Luther. I really like iris Elba. He reminds me of pete, same ethnicity and a beard plus hugely flawed, seems to e my type of man..
Today I go for a pedicure and massage. Lovely massage. In the middle of my pedicure pete rings and says two,words, it’s terminal. She has a brain tumour. I wasn’t expecting that although I had a feeling.
Pete comes from a large family of ten, mostly brothers. He only lost his sister Boxing Day 2017. And now he is about to lose another. The sisters in the family are the strong ones but what the hell do I know. He lost his dad, mum and now 2 sisters to cancer, I could feel his,worry and agitation. He was reminded as we all are our mortality and like me when someone close has illness, we get symptoms, well I do anyway. I prayed to our Heavenly Father for healing for the whole family. I will call him tomorrow and see if we can have lunch.
I go for acupuncture and my Chinese guy says my pulses are getting stronger. No more herbs which we will save for acute things. Fortnightly acupuncture now and stick to the diet which seems to be doing a lot of good. I go for a meal I know I can tolerate after where they do a mean Spanish omelette and new potatoes. No problem with eggs at all…

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you. How was Berlin?
I can’t find how to get started on online SMart Recovery. Their site is not very user friendly on that level. I find the forums a little too quiet.

[Monica1]

No more falls. I am mindful about how I walk and lifting my feet up on pavements. good news is that tummy has settled on strict diet and Manuka Honey. Virtually normal now. Manuka Honey has clinical evidence that itdestroys h pylori. I eat it with porridge first thing which seems to help a lot considering where I was and have been for many months .
Work stressful as cannot send emails, too much in archive and mailbox. IT slow so has led to some apoplectic calls from me
Very behind on work being away for so long and they just don’t act quickly. Jobs being lost at clinical commissioning groups we contract with.
Rationalising staff and cutting costs going on everywhere. My eldest has taken perm job at lower pay as both my sons worked for same company self employed and they have let go of all engineers. my middle son visited tonight which was a joy to see him. A colleague has lost his senior level job so I gave the one I had been approached about which I didn’t want to do to him to apply for.
My middle son, Kai is a gambler and won 15000 pounds on poker very recently. He paid off his debts to the tune of 10k and blew the rest in three days gambling. His gambling concerns me mostly around acknowledging the value of money and how to be wise with it, but at least he withdrew it and used most of it on paying off all his debts. I can be grateful about that. He doesn’t go through gambling highs and lows and seems to have some level of control. He is unemployed now and if off to the USA tomorrow to see friends over there. It was really good to see him we had a nice long chat.

[Monica1]

And thank you for your post on my thread. I think the no 1 appliance that we cannot do without is the washing machine, when they don’t work it is dreadful, with the prospect of a launderette (ugh) or handwashing. I think that is the one thing in recovery that we learn, sometimes through struggle to deal with, the range of emotions that we can go through in the course of the day, somebeing more difficult to handle than others. For me, frustration and anger, loneliness, or feeling like we are on our own, anxiety all difficult to get to grips with, and not go down the old gambling route we used as an escape. It will get fixed, it will all get sorted but like me maybe, not just yet, or next week or next month!

[Monica1]

Thank you for your post. Yes, my son and I think it is somewhat odd but they were both over uneven bits of pavement, so will see how that goes. I am not on any meds Steev. They really don’t help at all. And yes, I have been through a lot, a truly horrid month, all of April. I have actually started to do the stuff now that is meant to help ie manuka honey and mastic gum which are meant to eradicate h pylori naturally. I have a plan. We will see how it goes.

[Monica1]

Better day at work and I felt a little better. Asked to commit to perm role. Just after I was rung about another job. Except I fell again this morning at 8am. My poor knees. They seem to take quite a bashing but r holding up. All day since then walking I have been very mindful of where I am putting my feet. And my low fat, limited dairy and no sugar seems to be settling my stomach and gi system down. I am not messing with it and have become quite strict with myself although fairly limited on food choices. Before I would keep breaking the diet, now I don’t want to. Having things settle when they ha e been haywire for months now is so worth it.

[Monica1]

Rested Sunday, read and went for a quick drink with Pete which was pleasant enough.
Today went back to work and got through the day but still don’t feel quite right. My bosses said it would take a while and I guess they’re right. Don’t like feeling like this, slightly fragile , feminds me of post op kidney cancer surgery. i had a big fall over some uneven pavement on way home. Someone helped me to get up and said she couldn’t believe how calmly I fell. Landed on knees and wrist. Last time I did that on a slippy wet hospital floor four years ago, I broke my arm. Yes Vera, I could have sued but didnt! Today only minor bruises on knees. I consider myself lucky. My son had to take me back down in his car as my glasses went flying over a hedge and he got them back for me. A colleague at work lost her brother and I took the call. One after the other recently. Really strange and difficult times we r in. So we persevere and keep going.
Peters sister in hospital in Kent. To me it sounds like a stroke but at least she is back in uk now.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you. When we have a serious and long term gambling problem and go through a period of early recovery many issues, both mind body and spirit come up. It was a natural part of recovery for me. You can write about them on your journal or not, your choice. A journal isn’t somewhere to just be positive because that simply isn’t real although it is important to look at all the things we r grateful for. It also doesnt bring anyone down either to write when we are sad, lonely or anxious and I have been all of those things. We are dealing with very real issues in recovery. Anxiety is one plus depression that come up.
Well done for your past eight weeks and let us know how u r getting on, good and bad.

[Monica1]

You haven’t posted for a while now. How’s things?

[Monica1]

I’m just going through people whose posts and updates on how they r getting on I miss. How r u?

[Monica1]

If anyone prayed for Diane thank you. She has been Medi vacced back to uk. Catching up with Pete tomorrow.

[Monica1]

Well today I slept till about 11 and then went out for my ironing out the creases facial and massage. Muscles particularly in the legs very knotted and tense (stuff flying economy long haul). It was nice to see the girls again. Then went to see my Chinese guy and told him all. In the acupuncture session I felt my belly open up so that I could breathe into it. Good sign. He says I am recovering and agrees that the dehydration was shutting down my kidneys. I then go for a meal I like in a local restaurant and know I can to.erate. But now it is low fat, no dairy and only small amounts of sugars and I have to keep to it. Went to m and s and replenished the cardigan I left on the plane to New York when disoriented getting off. I have learned a lot from this holiday ie never ever again. Also someone else’s dream although it may inspire us may be complete poison to us as this dr trip was.

[Monica1]

Really appreciate that and I am really pleased that you went out, and had a good time. I miss fun times. Had a headache all last night so didn’t do groups and slept in a darkened room. Woke up at 4am and did some research on ibs and the brain gut axis. Quite interesting and I have found a doc who specialises in neurogastroenterology. So that was a bit of hope just there. I have to do something positive about this condition.

[Monica1]

Well Vera you are right about working, couldn’t do much today. My blood glucose thankfully has consistently been Ok. It is my urea and creatinine that isn’t ie the kidney function. Caused through dehydration hopefully which with the heart ectopics, fainting and confusion was going from moderate into severe. I am so fed up with these health issues I can’t tell you. The longest I haven’t had an attack with ibs was last year for two months when I felt that things were stable, well as stable as they can be. The debt never has been.
I have also missed people in group idi for a couple of ones recently ie just going as I am coming etc.
I don’t need certification vera as I haven’t run past 7 days. 2 weeks I was away and then went into work each time I collapsed. Managed to do 4 hours from home last week and 6 this week. So that will be my pay. Still have money in the bank so as long as I can recover Properly I should be ok. I am still taking Dioralyte when it was 12 days ago I got back now. It is taking a long time to find a level of fluid balance but I guess I was poorly in dr for two weeks so it took a long time for it to get out of whack.

[Monica1]

What’s the BM? I did have a fever in the dr. Only doing little bits and only what I feel able to do. I have to get back into the swing of things. One sign of dehydration is complete apathy and I had that along with maybe a dozen other signs. Didn’t care about work and you are right about everything else paling into insignificance. I have learned a lot about how severe an issue this can be and it’s progress. Not that I would want to learn this way at all… but it makes u think about Africa and how simple things can save lives.

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