[Monica1]

And a happy gf 2020.

[Monica1]

Went shopping pm. Shops were packed and m and s food queue miles long. But what excellent quality. Finished shopping and cleaned out now till payday tomorrow. My son has had a raging toothache 2 days now. Grandsons went this early evening to other grandparents. Back Xmas eve when 8 said their presents will be under the tree.
Cooked lobster Thermidor for my son and the boys had already had pizza when I got home. Lobster overrated, there was hardly anything to it.
I really like to document these simple things as once upon a time I never had a tree and I havent cooked for my family in many years since they were small. So these things like the tree, and cooking for them are really important to me.

[Monica1]

I am so pleased that, like me, me, gma was something that really worked for both of us and I do read your posts.
Have a blessed Xmas.

[Monica1]

Thank you for your post and encouragement, it helps. I like your posts recently particularly the one about the donkey and also the one about when things go wrong in succession. I struggle with this too.
Wishing you a blessed, peaceful and very happy Xmas and 2020.

[Monica1]

Was due to go to my daughters in herne bay today but really cannot carry the presents and local flood warnings with disruptions to trains across Kent, Surrey and Sussex. Have been landslides and actually a tornado in leafy Surrey yesterday. This has been the wettest and achiest bones autumn winter in history. So had to cancel.
My sister texts, nick does have an infection and is now on iv antibiotics and having a ct today because of his confusion. She is visiting today. My son goes to catch up on work and leaves the grandsons with me, I need to go out later.
On debts, I am now 2 years and 4 months gf an update of what is going to a long haul.
My old bank debt credit card have written to say not pursuing it but to call if I want to make a payment. Never had a letter like that. Maybe they can see the debt is all gambling, and they did nothing to help or stop it, that’s 11k.
On the court order, to immediately pay 500 pounds. Because I made a complaint they cannot now demand it u TIL revolved. Hurrah and I did win the case really as the judge went with my estimate of debt,not theirs, which halved the debt.
The loan charge government review is now out. It is complicated outcome and I think I will need to take advice before proceeding any further with that. But it helps some but not enough as in,and revenue were claiming payments going back to 1999 and the review has quashed that. 7 people have committed suicide over this nationally. It is now from 2010 which doesn’t help me. What does is they say ten years to pay if earned less than 30k in 2017 which was me in my recovery year and that they r not allowed to take any more than half disposable income and should avoid making people bankrupt. The review was very critical of the revenue. It doesn’t really help enough. Those poor folks who committed suicide over it. I have been there and after much angst, to do so over money owed, albeit large amounts, not worth it, but I can see how they were driven to it, as have felt that myself and I don’t own a home.
So, it is a very long haul indeed and I know I now need to take advice.

[Monica1]

Qualifies as the most insane day of the year and coincides with it being the shortest day too, we move towards the light from today onwards. Hurrah.
Today, mislaid my purse and then went to the shops without my bank card. On the bus on the way a mentally unwell teen kept shouting news stories verbatim about stabbings. I felt quite sick when i got off. I get home with my son having a row with my ex and my ex drags me into it. My son wants him to own how abusive he was and he never will, saying my son is gaslighting him. I reel off about ten occasions when he was abusive to me and say my son is right but really you must mov on both of you. I then get called a whore basically. I don’t feel engaged wit it or angry, I find it vaguely amusing that he is dragging things up from 25 years ago. He then texts and eventually gives up saying we were done a long time ago. Yes, that’s right,I say. Calling me that, just like my dad did as a young girl when I have been as pure as the driven snow for nearly nine years ago. He left it saying I will leave you to your prayers, his way of ridiculing my higher power and faith in Jesus. Honestly was a Palava.
Then my sister texts to say her husband, nick, has deteriorated and has been put into a side room, they don’t think it is just type 1 diAbetes now. It doesn’t sound good, and I tell her to have courage,that it may be an infection on top. But I have had a feeling. The energy everywhere is quite insane.i really feel things like that.
My son and I then cleared the front room put a new rug down, he did all the heavy bits and we put the tree up for the first time in decades. Omg, it looks so amazing,I decorated it and then just sat and stared at it. It made me very happy.
Cooked a roast duck dinner, the grandkids came home from a party and had a sane telecon with Pete.
Bonkers day, but oh my, my tree is lovely.

The back is getting better but aches, my shopping bags were very light today, can’t do that again.

[Monica1]

Well, glad u r ok. France does sound like it is in a bad way, I think many countries are with the gap between the rich and the poor. And I include the U.K. in that one too. Good that u r working. I am becoming concerned about your budget, I thought you had enough to travel but now working for low pay? What’s going on? And when you,mention the future, how far ahead r you looking. You don’t have to answer that incidentally.
Thanks for your support this year. I don’t feel festive either, I have missed every Xmas party but I am trying to get there, still gotta put the tree up and wrap pressies. Merry Christmas and a happy travel fun filled 2020 to you!

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you. I think the back was purely down to carrying very heavy bags of shopping but I note the Louise hay link.
Well, everyone off sick at work. Things seem to be falling apart. I had to rewrite something a colleague made a complete hash of, he was very exposed by me being off, I knew he would be, and I have to do something about it now.i have been covering him for way too long and doing his job for him. Not very comfortable with that. Energy is very strange this year, exhausted type energy in the collective. I know this type of energy, it is when crap happens… or sudden not always good events.
and sure enough my brother in law fell today, was confused and disorientated. He is in hospital with a blood sugar of 55, normal 5, he now has developed type 1 diabetes to add to his woes.
But my granddaughter is staying the night. After Xmas I have to have a good think about what I am doing. Not happy really.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you both.
Yesterday was a very strange day, I just wasn’t firing on all cylinders and found myself getting my words muddled at physio. It was helpful though and now on back rehab programme. Lumbo sacral mechanical back pain with spasm and strained right knee ligament, from all those times I have fallen on my knees.
Ah well, onward and upward.
Well, no steev it doesn’t mean I won’t go bankrupt. There is the small matter of 30k from 13/14 and the three years I owe still but not worked out yet.
I had a shorter work day today. Still feeling tired and now missed the 4th Xmas party.

[Monica1]

I haven’t posted for quite a while. As it seems to be, one step forward, two back it seems. Have had a couple of gut attacks, one particularly bad and while carrying heavy shopping on Saturday, my back went,which it has done before and resolved after a few days but has persisted this time. I worked from home Monday and Tuesday but today gave up and went off sick. Could not get an nhs physio appointment till February so going privately today. I find this all somewhat depressing, a reminder of getting older and wonder how long I can carry on like this. So, all the Xmas Prep not been able to do and that is even more depressing. My bank balance is the lowest it has been since I returned to work, have spent a lot on Xmas.
On the positive, only because I copied my mp in, the revenue have made some movements. 17 18 is done, nothing owed. 18/19 probably will be around 4K owed. They have called off the hounds for corporation tax as realised my company shut down end financial year 2015. It has taken this long to make them stop. The 30k owed in corporation tax they have let go of. Truth is i gambled it all away at that time, but at least that appears to be finished. It has been hard dealing with all this. I have missed every Xmas do at work, three of them.
On the positive side, my granddaughter stayed and it was lovely to hear her say I love you after she left. We don’t see each other very often as she lives in Brighton but we have a nice connection.
Very depressing not being able to get the tree up and sorted or clear the room. My son can’t help much either, as he is working hard physically outdoors. As it is, he has cooked a couple of dinners when I haven’t been able to.
I just carry on and completely disregard my age but all of this is a reminder. I can’t afford to stop working and go back to square one. I have been surprised by how tired I am these past few days.
But we carry on and hope for a better day.

[Monica1]

Cooked Sunday dinner and my middle son cAme round to eat it. Simple pleasures r the best. He is doing well and earning good dosh but has been gambling a bit after stopping after the boat gambling debacle. We checked credit scores, mine is very low with a lot of wrong and missing information and his is even lower. But he is paying his debts now and asked what I want for Xmas. He never buys anyone presents and doesn’t really do Xmas. Makes me smile.

[Monica1]

Today the grandsons left but not after fighting quite a lot. I get why mum is coming back to London, the youngest one has a lot of anger and I think she needs dad, ie my son to help with him. Xmas expensive for me this year and will clean me out but really it is hey ho. I haven’t had an Xmas at mine since the kids were in their teens, and now we will have it here from 20th to 24th with my son and 3 grandkids. That is quite something, I lent my daughter twenty quid as they r broke, my son in law not working at moment, and bought an Xmas tree and some m and s food for Xmas.
Money is to be spent and as bankruptcy is looming in March, what the hell….

[Monica1]

Funny how things that are posted jog memories of things long past. In the early 000’s. I also attended a conference in Marseille. My daughter in law. Was broke and had some problems so I gave her my train ticket and I took the coach. 24 hours cramped with also no leg room, and I am tall. Never again. On return my legs were really swollen and took a day or two to go down. We live and learn those never again moments, and my poor daughter in law ended up staying in what she thought was cheap accommodation to find it was a very rough brothel with fights and all sorts going on….

[Monica1]

The next piece of great news is my granddaughter has the lead female role in a western musical. In west e nd theatre in February. So proud of her. She is still only 13.

[Monica1]

Mixed week, every time I have a day of feeling contentment something always seems to happen to throw it off which is annoying. I think it is called waiting for the other shoe to drop. The run up to Xmas is quite stressful. What is very annoying is when we buy online and await deliveries. This week found something just left outside the front door next to the busy road. How irresponsible, I also have to think about our light fingered neighbours too. This year I find myself less flush than last year because I chose stability over a large paycheck and took a reasonable drop in salary. I have spent a lot this year but have had a terrible holiday to the dr and 2 very nice short spa breaks in the U.K. right next to the sea. Both did me a lot of good, I feel happy with travels this year but have a holiday for my sister and I in mind next for 2021, very expensive. Involves the Venice simplon orient express. Despite my financial woes, as a result of gambling, I still keep my dreams alive.
I stopped the Ayurvedic medicine after one day as upset my stomach and had a full blown attack on the Wednesday that I have not had for many months. Couldn’t move from home and I guess was down to breaking my diet quite badly in birthday week. It was a setback, no doubt about that, lasted four hours and was intense.
The good thing about this week is the grandsons are here this weekend and are moving back to London from Scotland soon. My son sees it as the first stage in getting his life back. Three of my grandkids my son informs me r staying here from 20th through to 25th. That threw me into action mode. Omg, will need to do an Xmas dinner for the 24th before I head off to my sisters and my mums. That motivated me. This will now be my third Xmas since I have been on the gma site. I cannot help but give thanks for my life, despite its challenges. There was a time I never thought I would ever come out of recovery intact.

[Author]

Posts