[monacola]

Hi Sad and Confused,

I’ve been dating a CG for a little less than a year, he has been upfront about his addiction from the beginning, including past indiscretions, relapses, etc. A big relapse hit him last fall when I was away on an extended holiday. He broke up with me rather coldly during that time, gambled and crashed horribly right after I got back. Then, slowly, he came back life. I decided to give things another chance and it was good for a while.

I do have experience with addictions and was in AA as a teenager (I’m a moderate drinker today) so I could not help noticing little by little that he was not giving recovery his all, he didn’t attend meetings, he was lying to his family and ultimately to himself – more or less not doing the basics. While not wanting to be codependent or enabling I told him I was aware of what this meant to his recovery but that I was not going to try to fix him. I did say I might have to make drastic decisions later on if things would become hurtful or harmful to me.

Very recently I started noticing behaviour that I only experienced before when he relapsed. He started pulling away, showed serious signs of depression and abandoned our intimacy – just in a matter of days. When I confronted him, he got angry and broke the relationship off. Now I realise that he has started gambling again and that this is the beginning of another cycle. If I don’t break free from him now, I will be stuck in a cycle of addiction and codependency, maybe for a long time.

The good news is that due to his gambling he’s ignoring me so there’s no dialogue, the bad news is is that I miss him and I am afraid for him. Behind all of this is the sweetest man I know, my best friend, my main man. I don’t take any of this personally – yet it hurts like hell. I never thought I would have to walk away from someone I love, but I think I have to.

[Author]

Posts