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Hi icanbeatthis,
Thanks for your kind words. I am sorry to know about your father and my deepest condolences your family.. Hope everyone in family is out of the shock and is doing well now.
Thanks for your long message briefing your successful journey and it is certainly motivating.. keep up the same spirit… I wish you all the best with your new Business plan. May you achieve success and make up all your loses in the right way. Keep running and do message here with your progress. Your message is certainly inspirational and here is my story…
I have stopped gambling couple of months back.. yes, u heard me rightly !! i finally did it. I no longer think of killing myself or running away and i am certainly leading a better life.. I have only one person to be credited for this… i have met an angel last year and we became very close frnds. since we started liking each other, i was able to open completely to her and she is now leading my life on her shoulders.. She made me promise to her that i would nvr go to a casino and she is literally spending 24*7 with me. We are in different countries but She would stay on call with me all the time (thnx to Google hangouts). She would eat, sleep, work, shop and do everything by staying on call and forces me to follow the her routine…. We wont even hang up when we are sleeping and would speak to each other in our half-sleep.. she considers me as family and loves me more than anyone in this world at the moment. Her love & caring has made stay away from gambling.. I was little tempted on football betting during the recent world cup but since i am spending all my time under her love, i was able to overcome it… Now am able to spend good amount of time with my family members and this angel would help me with everything i do… To conclude, gambling doesnt exists in my life but thoughts of losing her may take me back to the old depressing life… she promises every single day that she aint leaving…
Now coming to the other side – huge debt i am holding, i am still not able to come up with a proper plan.. I work in a different country and my passport is in the hands of someone to whom i owe a huge amount. Due to pending credit card bills, i am receiving multiple mails to fix them and am scared on whether it is going to affect my visa renewal which is due next month.. Staying in the current country would help me sort the debts in next 2 years but if i had to go back to my home country, the debt mountain would kill me as it may take 12 years for me to come out. i regret for everything i have done and hoping that my swiss visa gets renewed.. i want to lead a good life and having my girl with me would certainly help me. i hope god would help me with the visa n keeping the angel i love with me. i have nothing to ask from this life.
I shall let you know in a month on whether my life is going down or up.. Thank you very much for your time and hopefully, we will have a bright future. Take care n wish to see u come out of those small urges too…
Hi Brave68,
Thanks a lot for your message. Your words mean a lot but unfortunately, my life is different and it is really not easy. I am sure you would have heard the same statement from many people but trust me, i am really cursed n honestly, my only aim is to clear my huge debts and kill myself on the very same day. There is no change to it. I am not writing this to gain your sympathy but life has been a hell. I regret every second i live.. its not just abt gambling, i lost every single important person, love, frnds, family, my social status, every single thing that i was proud of.. i really became a zero from hero.. It would be a blessing if i die tonight and am ready for that.. My only wish is that i die in an accident, so that i would get the insurance money using which some part of my debts would get cleared.. so there is less burden on my family… . I shall start my story soon, which would surely make u feel that the right decision for me is to disappear from this world. I was searching for painless suicides and gambling suicidal stories and i found this story of icanbeatthis which is similar to my story in terms of compulsive gambling. I am sorry if my words are rude but it is the fact and Dont worry abt me as i won’t kill myself until i payback my debts..Do u know where icanbeatthis is now and what happened after her 7th day? its been 1.8 years since this was posted. so was she able to control herself. i am really keen to know abt her.
I am really curious to know how you dealt with this and how you are doing now. i have read your confession which is mostly similar to my story but i am still in the same shit- Luckily u had your boy frnd to support you but i lost my love n the only solution which i see from my end is either to kill myself or to get back my money which i lost.