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I almost cried when I read your post. I have never addressed this problem with anyone , it felt good not to be completely alone in this. I agree with your analysis. In the back of my mind there is a voice telling me that it is just out of control now, that once it is controlled I can go back to gambling occasionally and just go with a set sum, don’t hit the ATM, walk away when I win etc. that never happens. I went from an occasional gambler to gambling ever cent on me, maxing out on my daily ATM then going to the cashier to check checks. Fortunately I have a good job and my husband pays most of the bills so it is not as if my gambling has effected paying our debts. However I’m at the point that I’ve been dipping into retirement savings to gamble. I think that part of me feels that gambling is the only form of excitement and fun left to me at my age (58) I justify it by saying I work hard and deserve to have fun. But it is not fun to walk out of the casino with my heart racing over the money I lost, feeling panicked and nauseous. Yet when this feeling wears off I will be telling myself that it is ok, I could go for a little while, will stop if I’m losing , I deserve to live a little, on and on until I’m back at the casino
Hello I’m totally new to this, and not sure if this is the proper place to post. This is my first admission to anyone that I am a compulsive gambler. It feels good to say it at loud, and I hope it is the first step toward getting this under control. I’m commenting on this thread because I was drawn by the title, ended badly again. I have spent all of today in bed, not wanting to face myself that I gambled and lost again last night. It was only 9 days past my resolution to stop. I’m depressed and ashamed. Thank you for listening. I need help but I’m so ashamed I can’t discuss this addiction with my family and am afraid of running into someone I know at GA. So after years struggling alone, this is my first attempt to reach out for help