[Meghna83]

“I guess there is a life lesson here – at any time in life we can stop what we are doing, take stock and start again. Mistakes can be rectified and mistakes don’t define us. We learn, grow and improve from our mistakes .”

I.D.I

Useful words for my headspace, thank you IDI

[Meghna83]

Thanks for that reminder about past mistakes. I needed to hear that today

meg 

[Meghna83]

may gambling started in april 2019 and has grown out of control since then up to today. I feel mentally, physically and emotionally sick

my head is throbbing, my throat is dry and my stomach is churning. The highs and lows of gambling is gut wrenching.

I can’t trust myself. I feel unsafe being alone at home. That urge within in knows no boundaries.

I have blocked all gambling accounts I know of. I have emptied all money from my premier account to its limit (otherwise I lose the account)
Today is Monday 27th May 2019 and it is 8:06pm. London time. Today is my Day 1 again…

(please god give me the strength)

[Meghna83]

Hi Berta,

i relapsed too today. I felt so sick whilst playing. ”won“ back

some if my losses from the other night. 

I feel sick And want to stop. My accounts are in a mess. i excluded myself from both these new sites I signed up for today.

i don’t feel good about these “winnings” at all as they are just a small fraction of the money I lost 

I want to stop chasing. 

[Meghna83]

I actually don’t know where to start. It’s all down to chasing losses. Playing free spins is actually never playing free spins. It lead to me playing small amounts and then back to the big amounts again. ‘Won’ and then lost again. This time losing near to £4,000 again !!!

I don’t know what to say. Feeling ashamed. Angry with myself. Disgusted with my own stupidity. Won’t I ever learn??? Gambling even with free spins IS GAMBLING STILL and I will only end up losing.

The night before last I self excluded on two new sites I played on following my losses. The high and low with gambling is so so tiring. Mentally and emotionally straining and has lead to lack of sleep and peace of mind for the last week. I thought I had learnt my lesson from last time and I did not gamble for a while too.

Last night around 11.30 pm, I switched my phone off and spent time with my baby. Then went to bed. I slept after days of staying awake at night on casino sites. I slept so well and felt so relieved knowing that my phone was switched off and the online casinos were shut off. It helped psychologically.

I feel that every night, though I come in GT and then distract myself playing Tetris. Just having the phone in my hands eventually leads me to the gambling sites. Yesterday switching off the phone really helped. I will do the same again tonight. This phone will be switched off at 10pm.

Good luck everyone on your road to recovery. For now I will admit that I am a compulsive gambler. I gambled away my hard earned money since 1st April 2019 to 26th May 2019.

I refuse now to spend another penny destroying my peace of mind, my life and my child’s future!

This is my day 1 …

[Meghna83]

I really wish the best for you MurrS7 and I identify with the crazy bets and highs and lows you have experienced. You are getting stronger and you will oversome this obstacle in your life right now. I wish you all the best. please keep posting

[Meghna83]

Hi Amir,

every word you wrote spoke out to me. I, like you, feel extremely ashamed about gambling and fearful of my family finding out. That responsible and pragmatic young girl my parents raised and my siblings once knew is no more.

Please dont apologise for being religious/ spiritual, this is personal to you and the way in which you express your thoughts and emotions. No one is judging you.

I also feel that I have wasted away years of hard earned income.

What you wrote about “who when he was successful and having enough money to save wasn’t that good man, and maybe this humiliation I feel is very useful for me on a spiritual level to realise how vulnerable is a human and be really humble and accepts this lesson and all the future ones while being broken and poor in spirit. knowing that my smartness and capabilities didn’t led me to a good situation and I need to improve and I do need God’s grace in my life.”

I feel that hit the nail on the head about me and how I viewed myself among my friends and family.

I think I have become far more forgiving towards others and more empathetic since my relapse. I found it hard to forgive those that made mistakes around me including my husband and I feel that my misfortunes have made me realise that I am flawed and fallible. I am human. I am humbled finally submit, I need god in my life to give me strength, discipline and guidance. I rknow now that I CANNOT CONTROL everything

[Meghna83]

Hi Amir,

every word you wrote spoke out to me. I, like you, feel extremely ashamed about gambling and fearful of my family finding out. That responsible and pragmatic young girl my parents raised and my siblings once knew is no more. 

Please dont apologise for being religious/ spiritual, this is personal to you and the way in which you express your thoughts and emotions. No one is judging you.

I also feel that I have wasted away years of hard earned income. 

What you wrote about “who when he was successful and having enough money to save wasn’t that good man, and maybe this humiliation I feel is very useful for me on a spiritual level to realise how vulnerable is a human and be really humble and accepts this lesson and all the future ones while being broken and poor in spirit. knowing that my smartness and capabilities didn’t led me to a good situation and I need to improve and I do need God’s grace in my life.”

I feel that hit the nail on the head about me and how I viewed myself among my friends and family.

I think I have become far more forgiving towards others and more empathetic since my relapse. I found it hard to forgive those that made mistakes around me including my husband and I feel that my misfotunes have made me realise that I am flawed and fallible. I am human. I am humbled finally and realise I need god in my life to  give me strength, discipline and guidance. I realise that I CANNOT CONTROL everything

[Meghna83]

I gambled again yesterday and the early hours of today. I would have lost money but played again and blocked myself. I managed to get back some of the 4K I lost but not feeling good about any of this. This false dependency on ‘winning’, chasing my big losses makes me anxious, short tempered and aloof at home. I am afraid that tonight will bring the worst out in me. As soon as I have put my baby down, I start getting the urge to play. I will come on this page tonight to post at around that time and see if I can make it my day 1 GF… again. This cycle is getting rather tiresome and is draining me.

[Meghna83]

Thank you for the words

“ But there are still cause for celebration for me, despite all the leaks on my ship, I have sail on and progress, reaching some destinations in my life that I can never imagine”

feeling so low and reminded myself I am better than this disease that was ruined my peace of mind. I can overcome this problem. I refuse to feed by addiction anymore. Today is my day 1 . . .

[Meghna83]

Today is my day 1 again …

[Meghna83]

Feeling like a real failure. Played yesterday on roulette and today. Gambled for hours and “won” 4K. Lost it all again today in minutes . Would have lost 1k of my own money but somehow stopped myself.

Blocked myself from these sites.

I clearly have a problem and need more obstructions.

Plaza I wish I had read your posts before I did that.

:’(

[Meghna83]

 hello Izzi,

so pleased that you and your BF are working together To help you stay GF. 

often Anger and hurt clouds reason and good judgement but I am glad that he heard you out and realised he is the best person to support you through this.

definitely a good move with the wages and your BF reading up about how to best help from his position.

about the time frame, perhaps take each day as it comes and let some time pass before you decide on your next movE. I am the queen of impatience so I always try to remind myself that this problem of mine will take time. Please don’t hurry yourself.

Your feeling stronger with BF by your side makes complete sense . Love conquers all. I also feel that with my hubby here beside me, understanding my problem, without judgement, aids me with my recovery.

I am doing a lot less damage than if I was left to my own devices. 

[Meghna83]

yes I need to keep reminding myself of quitting when I’m feeling better. 

Quizzes sound great. Tetris is my thing. chanelling My energy and time elsewhere today 

thank you you for your advice 

[Meghna83]

hi RG,

yes I see the Meghan thing. Meghna is an indian name. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. You’re right, I need to fill the time doing things I like. steev‘ s post reminded me of this also.

mummy group is a good ideA. I think I also need a holiday. Since falling pregnant in feb last year, I’ve not  been anywhere….perhaps a trip to Sicily or Rome and Naples or athens.

hubby works so hard and it would be a nice surprise for him. I start work in july so a nice break, before I’m back in the thick of it, will be uplifting.

thank you again 

[Author]

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