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brilliant advice RG. I totally agree that at 25 you really can achieve anything. Cut your losses and invest your time and money in other things. Study, travel, start a project
I am glad i can support you in some way.
Your experience is quite similar to mine in that I also gambled since my last post. Lost some money though but got a litll of it back. But overall lost more than I could afford to. It was inevitable that I would walk away a loser In this illusion called gambling.
On the plus side my urges to gamble have weakened and I have now started to account for the money I have played away. I don’t want to lose anymore and have placed restrictions now to stop once and for all.
i remain optimistic and looking forward to returning to work and earning money again
Dignetas80 please keep us posted on how things are with you.
MurrS7 you already sound so much better after 23 days. It is clear that focusing your time and energy on your work, health and business has put things into perspective for you. Congratulations on finding new clients. I wish that your business goes from strength to strength. You sound so much stronger and focused and your energy and efforts will surely lead to good results.
I understand about the regret and falling into the thoughts of past losses. Not a day that goes by that I don’t think of what I did on the 9th May. Sometimes wishing I was back there and somehow stopping myself at the point I had lost all control. But gambling controls us, we do not control gambling (Allen Carr) and I wish I had known then what I know now. The odds were against me and it was foolish to think that gambling was a source of income.
I am ashamed to admit that have gambled since that day. Again and again and have reached a point where my much smaller bank balance will not allow me to gamble anymore (my husband would kill me if he finds a lower balance than the one I am at now) The dangers of chasing losses and digging oneself into a bigger hole of numbness and pain. I guess the casinos know that the pattern of loss and ‘gain’ will only make a person repeat the behaviour to restore what they previously had. Though the insidiousness of the repeated losses (as we do only end up losing more and more) makes them all the more cruel and heartless.
I am at a point now where I have had enough. I spent today accounting for my losses and calculating my future wages and extra income here and there. I can get back to where I was by December and I plan to never look back. I am blocked on all the sites I used and both my bank cards are now with my husband. I have emptied one bank account (the one I used to fund the online casinos) and have only 140 pounds for the odd purchase. Barriers are my only way of surviving this destructive habit.
I booked a holiday to Naples on the 24th June for a week with my family and then a day trip to Paris with my friend (my former home) on 31st July. I am planning to treat myself to a Chanel handbag to stop myself from giving that money to the casinos. Hey what is 1000 pounds compared to 2-6k in one game session! Scary to imagine and hard to admit. I am also looking for tickets to New York and Forida for xmas and new year with my in-laws. I guess making plans and looking forward to things is helping me focus less on the online casinos. It also allows me to begin to value the money I previously just threw at the slots (in my case between 500-600 a spin).
I felt optimistic today and more in control of my finances. I felt guilt free paying for my holidays and relieved that the casinos wouldn’t get a penny of that money.
MurrS7 you are still young and have so much time to get back what they took from you. One day we will both look back with a healthier bank balance and more earning potential and it will seem like a distant memory. We will never look back or give it any brain space. We are better than that. We deserve better
Well done for getting to 25 days GF. I am confident there are many many more of those to come.
murrs how are things with you. Please do keep posting
Tyguy how are things with you. Please do keep posting
Zaky how are things with you. Please do keep posting
i also found I was addic to one game and kept upping the stakes. Please if you can block all sites. Your story of small harmless bets to huge stakes is like mine. This gambling is futile and you will never win. Each win is a loss. It’s really an illusion of winning.
if you can find ways to stop now, you will save a lot of money and heartache in the long ruN. Please read my journal and you will find a similar story . Wishing you the best of luck and please keep posting
I can see how life can be very difficult for you right now. Work definitely has a huge impact on our life even after we walk out the door to go home. I had something similar when I was pregnant and it really adversely impacted my home life. Is there anything you can do to make things better with work? Maybe apply for something else?
You are present for your daughter and helping her along the way. You are alive to see her everyday. I really hope she can get the medication and the support she needs from the healthcare service where you are based. The pressure of being the nurturer and supporter of your child is immense, I feel it with my baby and she’s not even a teenager yet!
Yes we are CG’s but that doesn’t define us. It’s one aspect of us which we can either choose to nurture and strengthen through repeated behaviour or we weaken and replace it with healthier activities. I hate labels and hate calling myself a CG or addict now. I have not gambled since my last post and I am determined to both weaken this problematic behaviour and give importance and focus on the goals I have for myself and my family. You can too.
I too have put on a lot of weight post pregnancy. I was a size eight and am probably a size 16 now. I do have a lot of time to spare and fill this with eating . But I still love my body and have begun making small changes like eating light at dinner and avoiding anything heavy before bed. I’ve also started walking more. Small changes but they ***** and clear my head of negative thoughts about me letting go of my health and well being.
It’s s tough time for you but you are alive. You have loved ones. You have an income source and you can make changes.
We are here for you and will listen without judgement
I agree with you. I hate the word “addict”. I hate labels. I have a behavioural problem with gambling. I see it as a problem that can be avoided by just not gambling. I don’t spend every second of my day craving it or feel that it’s invading my mind space. When I don’t gamble I feel good
“It is mine to deal with so I am in a position to avoid letting it define me in the family.” I felt the same when I realised I had s problem. I ended up telling my husband seconds after my big loss because the guilt just took over. I also felt I’d deceived him and owed him the truth.
Hubby and I talked about it last night and I told him I signed up for counselling and therapy where I’d need to go and stay at a “retreat”. He is 100% behind me with patience, love and understanding. I told him my fears and the impact gambling has had in me. I told him I was afraid of losing myself and my family.
This is a bad period in my life and it was triggered by huge changes that I have found hard coping with. There is so much to look forward to. Things will get better.