[Meghna83]

Feeling good, kept busy

Flying out to Italia with my little family

Checked in and Need to sleep following a busy day.

Will post soon . . .

[Meghna83]

Hello Amir

How are you?

[Meghna83]

I couldn’t tell any one other than my husband

firstly because I felt shattered, broken, conlfused, ashamed

Secondly his life is affected by my actions and vice versa, he needed to know

Others do not need to know as it doesn’t directly affect them. My gaining or losing financially will not affect them financially

I have relapsed at times and couldn’t always share them with my husband immediately because i felt terrible about what I had done. I began questioning my character and just wanted the earth to swallow me uP. I did tell him, in the end, the most part of what was going on with me and he has been helping me with barriers. Gamstop, taking away cards, and stopped giving me more money each week (now he’s putting it in savings himself) I am 190% ok with that.

I feel pain causing him pain

He has prayed and fasted for my and my baby’s wellbeing.

I have lost nothing by telling him and instead gained support, respect and care from him. Of course he was upset to begin with, not knowing or understandlong what problem gambling was or looked like.

It’s when we fall and remain loyal and honest with our closest that earns us the respect. I love him for all his kind words and encouragement since this struggle started.

[Meghna83]

thanks murr.

i really appreciate  your words and I definitely find myself in your shoes when reading your thread. Both comforting and scary

i know what it’s like losing all sense of amount, waiting to win big and that impulsivity overpowering my reasonable judgement 

I have found myself in a loop of bet, huge loss, in shock, full of regret, vowing never again (though in earnest) it has weakened my mind, clouded by good judgement and knocked my confidencE ( when facing  my closest people) that person is not me. 

We can rewire our minds. Make them less desensitised to higher amounts of money. I already feel like counting pennies is helping me. budgeting, buying cheap, looking for offers. Choosing one rather than two or three Is actually helping me. 

Murr today is another GF day for us. It is! Let’s take back control 

[Meghna83]

The cimpany got back to me so I have resolved that problem thank goodness 

[Meghna83]

I did not gamble yesterday nor the day before so I will not gamble today. One of the casinos has not paid out my withdrawal I made on 7th June. That’s playing on my mind as It’s not a small amount. Don’t wish to gamble at all. Just want my money back I have written a complaint email and sent it. No news from them other than I will hear back from them I shouldn’t have gambled in the first place. 2days till Italy and I plan to visit the Vatican. I love the drama that the French and Italians bring to life! Des moules and carbonara…. yes please!

[Meghna83]

Thanks murr. 

Peace of mind is down to us. Down to our choices. I think with each day, distancing ourselves from that damaging behaviour will only make us stronger and it weaker

I am in a better place now and need to face life’s struggles without adding fuel to the fire with that activity

its a false gain

its a loss dressed up

you will get stronger murr we both will with the right mindset  

be strong

be patient

look forwards

believe in your your power to make the right decisions 

i believe in you 

[Meghna83]

Well done for reaching day 3 

you did gamble yesterday nor the day before

you will not gam today nor tomorrow 

i believe in you

life will be better once the fog and pain has cleared

[Meghna83]

Positivity is crucial to my recovery and it is all I will be giving others

Onwards and upwards

[Meghna83]

Imagine you bought a car or are paying off a student loan. Find a way to settle your mind.

your debt is still manageable and you

know now that your probl can get way out of control if not stopped

Focus your mind on the positives murr. You get yourself tied up in the why why why cycle. Honestly never helps (been there)

why did I not learn my lesson, why did I not stop when I was + x amount? Why did I get greedy? None of those questions helped 

the result was the same.

you lost as much as I did murr. I gambled with my husbands money and my child’s future. i am not proud of that and it is something I will have to live with. I was supposed to go back to work in October this year but cut my maternity leave short and start in 2 weeks time because of my wrong decision. I will have to earn that money back

$1000 is a huge amount for some. times That $1000 by 52,104,208, 415… then it is no longer that small amount you imagined. Keep building murr. Onwards and upwards

be kind to yourself 

be patient

Believe that you can make things better

believe that gambling will destroy what you have left

believe that each day without gambling will bring you closer to the peace of mind you once had.

[Meghna83]

I did not gamble yesterday nor the day before and I will not gamble today. Today is my day 6 

[Meghna83]

Go on holiDay murr but try to remember your budget and remember that overspending is A trigger for you

im doing good thanks and can actually say that I am taking my recovery as seriously as gambling. i will checkin everyday here to record my progress. 

Be kind to yourself murr. Don’t put yourself down or rewind. They are usually triggers for me.

you are alive. You woke up this mornin. That’s enough to be thankful for. Enjoy your travels and remind yourself that you are healthy and capable of earning that money back.

Our loved ones are depending on us. We have to be well for ourselves and theM.That circle of guilt and chasing is not sustainable. It won’t last.

lets look forwards. Onwards and upward!!!

[Meghna83]

Hi Berta,

you are contending with a lot and I imagine you are an incredibly strong person to be able to tackle and find solutions to your health problem.

the fact that you fall off the waggon and get back on with GF days is commendable 

about your boss. I understand your struggle. I had a boss who served me with a letter of warning when I was heavily pregnant. She gave it to me before the holidays with a smile, knowing full well that that letter would lead to stress and tears on my part. As she had predicted, I did have many tears and sleepless nights over it fearing I would not get through the year ( I was new there) 

she had made up some lies on the letter regarding my not notifying the workplace of maternity appointments in good time. I contested that with the help of my union and she had to eventually retract parts of the letter she’d written.

Though I still had the horrible memories of the stress and unfairness of being dragged through the mud at work (horrible meetings and negative questions and comments to put me down) my work was never under question, it was all about my maternity appointments and my sickness affecting my puntuality. 

luckily for me, I discovered a few days ago that she has gone!!!! Just left out of the blue.

So now I am going back to work without the cloud that once followed me around. I was apprehensive about the treatment I’d received from her (she had ways of getting back at people she disliked) her not being there means that other senior members of staff Can put it past them and start afresh with me post maternity time out.

[Meghna83]

Hi murr how are you?

Did you read johnnys thread? Did it help you focus a little?

I hope things are getting a little easier now you have stopped

No looking back my friend

[Meghna83]

I am so pleased for you. Well done for reaching out to your partner and allowing him to support you with this problem 

congratulations and I wish you many more GF days. Heads up!!!!

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