[maverick.]

Hi Charles, just wanted to wish you well, thanks for all you do and your ongoing support, I would agree to run the marathon with you but after resolving an issue when someone got a little to close to my wife I ended up with a damaged cruciate ligament……I have never liked odds of 6/1.

Take care Charles and as always I wish you all the very best in life, look after yourself and don’t over do it, what ever happens you know deep down you have done all you can.

Take care my friend.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Firstly Vera I would like to thank you for your post and constant support, I really hope you are doing well and life is treating you fair.

As for me well I am a complete and total waste of space, had been doing ok for a few days, promised myself and God to become a better man and yet again I have failed, was a complete suprise to me but God already knew as he knows me very well……he knows I am to**er, so I suppose I didnt disapoint!

It’s no excuse and I have to be a little careful with what I say as I dont want everyone knowing who I am (I am happy for everyone to know who I am and what I am) but for my families sake need to be a little anon.

I really cant say alot I am afraid to say but at the moment I am under huge stress……….somedays I feel my head is going to blow, problems with my children, my wife, my health, my parents, work issues the list is never ending ………all an excuse I hear you say and yes you are probably right………

Today I leant money from people you dont lend money from, gambled it and lost the lot in less than 2 hours………of course I knew what would happen and it did………I forgot about all the problems for a short period of time and now I have them all back and a extra one that if I dont sort I will lose the ability to walk! In fairness all brought on by me, I will sort it out one way or another as I always do and my wife does not know thank God but what I am really trying to say is I never seem to learn, I know I started to make progress a few years back when I strung nearly a year together gamble free but at the moment and over the last 12 months I have struggled to string a month together, I know I am in a better place than I was 6 years ago because 6 years ago I wouldnt be hear writting this and admitting I have a problem and that I am a compulsive gambler, and today I know I have a major gambling problem and I am a compulsive gambler, although still gambling, the loss is still raw as only a couple of hours ago but this time I feel totaly destroyed, totaly lossed and confused with it all, I hate what I become when I gamble and deep down I know its just not me……..

There is only so many times I can keep messing up and I have overshot it by a wide margin……….

I am sick with myself, my constant lies to explain money lost, my dishonesty, my selfishness, I am know not only a compulsive gambler but a compulsive liar, I speak the native language of the Devil but I promise you I worship God, life is easy but I make it so very hard, I know what I do but dont know why I do it, I know I need help and probably more now than I ever have, I am 39 years of age and should know better but still I carry on doing the same thing and strangley enough keep getting the same result……………..why why why I ask myself, I wish I had never placed that first bet as a 14 year old boy, the win took me away from all my problems, all the bullying, I became a someone not a nobody, in that year of school I still remember now how bad I felt, thought about ending it all a few times but managed to find the strength to carry on, I remember telling myself “Lee you need to tough up and become a bit of a bastard or you will not survive” so I did, it was never the real me and it isnt the real me now, but I change and it got me through………..so I suppose I could look at it like I have made it to 39 and if I hadnt of done what I did I might not of made it to 15, but I liked the nice, shy, quiet kid I was and didnt reallyime the cocky, gambling kid I had become but it kept me in the world………….things have to change because I cannot go on leading the life I do, I am drained, just for today I have nothing left to give, I am all out……..game over, life………..it’s a gift why do I waste it!!!!!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Lorraine my friend I will always wish you well, so sorry you are having a tough time at present, all you can do is what you are doing supporting your mum and being there for her, look after yourself Lorraine and I promise to catch up with you very soon.

Take care and I send my very best to you.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Nice post Micky and so very true, I wish you well and keep up the great effort, no mater what we do we can only ever take things one day at a time, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet here, we only have today and that is what maters.

Take care and all the very best.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Great share and never a truer word spoken, I am a compulsive gambler and like you I have promised to stop hundreds off times only to keep carring on down the same destructive path, you are right my friend we have to stop because if we dont I beleive we will be in the bookies old men talking about our mansions we could have brought I believe we will be six foot under sooner then we thought!

I wish you well in your recovery and please remember there is always hope, if nothing changes then nothing changes (not my words) but so very true, keep trying and I hope you can start to build a better life for yourself, when we stop gambling it is amazing how quick things start to get better.

All the very best.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks Vera for your kind words and support it means alot.

Just made a nice breakfeast for the wife (from my kids) as its mothers day and lucky enough I brought her a couple of small gifts (for the kids to give her) before yesterdays rollercoaster, they all seem happy. I have my mum and dad coming over for sunday lunch (brought a leg of lamb on friday when I had some cash…good job or it would have been sausage roast!) as its mothers day, I have lived in my current house for nearly 6 years and they have never once come over for sunday lunch (although I have offered many a time!) I promise you all my house is clean and tidy and my table manners are not that bad but it is what it is, hoping for a nice day, everyone at the moment seems happy so thats good.

Having strong thoughts of gambling (as we all do…..the usual how can I win back what I have lost) the reality is if I won the lottery on an average week and shared it with about 8 other winners on my gambling life I would still be down!, I cant win when I choose to gamble as when I start I cant stop, I am a compulsive gambler and I know that so now I must try my hardest to stay away from that first bet and be the man I know I can be, just for today I will not gamble.

Hope you all have a nice sunday, take care and wish you all well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Sometimes I wonder will I ever learn, I do the same thing over and over again and always get the same result………….in truth if we keep doing the same thing we are going to get the same result, I am a compulsive gambler and at the moment I keep doing the same thing over and over again and still getting the same result, as we know if nothing changes then nothing changes, just for today I am guilty of not trying hard enough and the outcome from my actions has created another world of pain.

Over the last few months I am sick and tired of listening to myself share as I am sure most of you are so for that I am sorry, I read over my posts, trying to stop, must stop, have to stop only the next day to gamble again, it gets boring, false promises, lies, not trying hard enough, giving in at the first sight of a problem, just for today I gambled, just for today I messed up once again, will I ever learn……..I am getting sick and tied with myself and hearing my own voice, I know what I have to do but at the moment I am not doing it, I feel the only person who can save me at the moment is God, God help me as no one else in this world can, I am tired, drained, upset and on the brink as once again I have messed up, I never learn and only have myself to blame as I always do.

How many times can I say sorry………..how many times can I try again, just for today God forgive me as I know you are the only one who can.

Maverick

[maverick.]

As a very good women I used to know once said…….

“Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet come, we only have today, lets begin”

In dedication of a person far far greater than me, wish you all well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Great post Lizbeth and glad you are in a funky mood, really glad you spoke to your grandson and I wish him a quick recovery.

Stay strong and stay positive, hope you have a great weekend and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Great post Ican, hope you are keeping well and keep up the great effort, its amazing how enjoyable life is if we dont gamble, lets both get enjoying it, take care and hope this finds you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for your reply I_maverick and I hope you are keeping well.

Today I did some soul searching and although I didnt find alot I found a little something……enough to give me hope and if I have hope then I have everything!

My life is what I make it and just for today I want to make it a good one.

Wish you all well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the post I_Maverick, really hope you are doing well and as always wish you all the very best in the world.

There are many phrases and quotes that I really do love in life and also believe in…….here are 3 of them and in recent times I am guilty of not listening or understanding any of them.

1. “if nothing changes nothing changes”

2. “I am a compulsive gambler and must always stay away from that first bet”

3. “gambling has and will always destroy anything good in your life”

My name is Lee and I am a compulsive gambler, just for today I am still in this world.

Thanks for reading and listening, I wish each and everyone of you all the very best in the world in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Female g,

It’s always good to read your posts and listen to your thoughts, keep staying positive and make sure you enjoy the good things life has to offer, thanks for being around and also thanks for your ongoing support, you are a very kind person with a good loving heart, take care and speak soon, hope this finds you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Hi Russ,

First of all thanks for sharing and well done for doing it, it takes real courage to share and in truth it took me years before I would share any experiance like that with others.

What I share with you now is for yours and my benefit, yours in the hope it helps in some way and mine because by sharing it helps me remember what gambling does to me.

I am 39 years old, have always worked, had very many good jobs and some not so, I started gambling when I was around 14 years old, my first bet was a win and that set the tone, over the last 25 years I have gambled off and on, more on than off in all honesty and finaly admitted I had a problem around 5 years ago, I have been in and out off recovery over that time but still struggling to stay clean, periods of over 1 year gamble free but many periods when struggling to get through one day.

Russ you are a young person and I would hate for you to follow down my path, the gambling just takes hold, it gets you, it will not let go and it will destroy everything good in your life, I have had friends that are no longer in this world because gambling took them to the edge and then tipped them over, I lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and many other bad things to fuel my next bet…………..sometimes becoming a compulsive liar and not really knowing it, a very good friend said to me once and this is how it gets you “I told a lie about a lie and then I lied about that”………..now this statement always makes me smile because it sounds so stupid but believe me it happens.

I am still in this world and I thank God for that, I have still managed to keep hold of my wife and 2 wonderful children but Russ that is more by luck than judgement.

I rent my house, I have no savings, I have no possession’s, my life is this, here and now, this is me and all I have is my words and self belief……..gambling has cost be many things in life Russ, financially I would struggle to put a figure on it but well in excess off £200000 but in truth I have lost so much more……the time gambling as taken away from me and as we all well know time is priceless.

Russ I wish you well my friend, you sound like an intelligent person, so go and enjoy your life and steer well clear from this insane addiction, wish you well and take care.

“once I make that first bet I just cant stop until it’s all gone, therefore we must always stay away from that first bet”

Maverick

[maverick.]

Fritz,

Life is full of ups and downs as we both well know my friend, you have done fantastic and should be very proud of yourself, keep staying focused and keep heading in the right direction, your efforts will be rewarded, take care and stay strong you have come along way.

Maverick

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