[maverick.]

Stay strong Kin, you are a good person (trust me I can tell), like you so rightly say if we take away this addiction we really are good people.

Keep fighting and never give in my friend, I love reading your honest and truthful posts they tell me a lot about you (in such a very good way) its difficult I know but you must put this latest blip behind you and get back on track (as I know you will), a very wise person once said to me “yesterday is gone, Tomorrow has not yet come, We have only today, Let us begin”……………………….never a truer word spoken.

Take care Kin and as always I wish you all the very best in the world in your recovery and life.

Thank you for you kind words.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Always good to read your posts and see you around female g, really hope this finds you well and as always wish you all the very best in the world, so sorry to hear of your lose and I can relate, time is a healer I promise you that, we never forget and we never should but eventually the memories make us smile.

take care my friend and wish you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Great post Adam, keep doing what you are doing my friend, this addiction destroys lives and ends up killing people, keep posting and sharing, stay strong and keep your life heading in the right direction, with regards to your partners take on gambling it is very tough for anyone to really understand what a compulsive gambler goes through (don’t get me wrong I am not looking for pity for the compulsive gambler) I am a compulsive gambler and I am a total **** at times…….however I can also be a nice bloke, what I am saying (and have always said) “no one understands a compulsive gambler like a compulsive gambler”

Keep fighting my friend as we both well know gambling will only ever lead us to one place (the same place we have been time and time again) you know as well as me it never gets any better.

Great share mate and a pleasure to read your thread, wish you all the very best, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Day 3 gamble free, working hard (at work and at home), not alot of pleasure at the moment but thats to be expected, must keep focused and keep moving in the right direction, I woke up this morning and I should be grateful for that (plenty of people in the world didnt).

Just for today I will not gamble and thats all I can promise, just for today I know I will keep that promise…………….everyday is different and I suppose we cant help how we feel!

Life is like a rollercoaster with all those ups and downs but in truth it should all even itself out because we get off the same place we get on.

I have caused alot of upset and hurt many people but that is what this addiction does to us, sometimes I wish my life had been so very different and sometimes I am grateful for the paths it has taken me down as a learning curve, we are all different but so very much the same.

Life is precious…….time goes by so quickly……..I have wasted so much time………but have I………….everything happens for a reason!

Wish you all well, keep fighting and never give in, my very best to each and everyone of you.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the post Geordie you are a good man.

Life has taken a massive turn for the worse in one way or another, still deep in with the loan shark ( no Geordie I didnt get him bumped off lol…..not my style) and everything seems to be conspiring against me………wait……..no……thats a lie, I am deep in trouble and in a massive whole because off the choices I have made, in all honesty I only have myself to blame.

The wife is fine and has everything she needs, the kids are all good and have everything they need, I woke up this morning and I was breathing so I am grateful for that.

Life seems to be an uphill battle but only because I make it that way, maybe oneday I will learn to be content, I am exhausted, emotionaly drained, totaly perplexed and feel the walls closing in on me………….but it is all off my own doing I cannot blame anyone else bar myself.

“Just for today I will not gamble” my last bet 10th April 2016, If I gamble again I wont have long left in this world.

Thanks for listening and as always I wish you all the very best in your recovery and life, take care and never give up trying.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the support and posting theone and Charles,

Life is tough at times and sometimes we make the right choice and sometimes we make the wrong one, I was in a good mindset and feeling good its just this situation with the loan shark keeps playing on my mind and upsetting my train of thought, most probably because I am the only one who knows and I am the only one who can sort it, I cant tell the wife about it or I think it will tip her over the edge and I love her with all my heart and honesty can tell her about my last relapse I will sort it, I hear many of you say cant or wont and trust me I am not telling her not to save my skin but to save her from a breakdown, she has been through way to much……..enough to last two lifetimes and I cannot hurt her anymore, things have happened over the weekend and I will share more when have more time, but for now just wanted to say thanks.

Things have happened that I am not proud off but things have happened that I have sorted out more stuff than I could possibly believe on friday night…………I feel bad for what I have done but by doing it I have sorted out a massive problem, but in turn I have also opened up another massive problem.

Thanks for listening as always, I hate myslef at times and really dont know what way to turn, the wife and kids had a great easter, I cooked and cleaned, we went out, laser quest, bowling, treated them to a nice meal, quality time spent with the family and helped my boy complete a few computer games…….I love my family with all my heart but in truth I struggle to love myself.

Take care all and wish you all the very best in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Female g and p, thankyou very much for your posts and support they mean a great deal to me and I hope you are both keeping well.

This is day 15 gamble free for me but I have to admit I am really struggling today with very strong urges to gamble. I took my boy fishing this morning for a bit of farther and son time together, I have had a long week a work but wanted to make the effort, up early and when we got there we were fishing by 7am, it was cold, windy and hacked down with rain…….after 1 hour of my boy moaning that we hadnt caught a fish it started blowing stronger and raining heavier, so we packed up and went home in truth I wasnt enjoying it much either, just before I put the rods away we caught 2 small fish so that was nice not a total waste of time, my boy has been picked on at school recently and I have had a nightmare trying to sort it all out, I shouldnt say it but the teachers are a joke anyway I wont go on about that or I am just going to get myself wound up.

I am struggling with this addiction and at the moment I am in a big hole, struggling to pay the loan sharks and having thoughts of just trying to blast myself out of it, I know………..it wont work…….it never does, just feeling down and depressed today, just got paid and have paid all the bills, brought all the food, paid for all the kids clubs, the boys swimming lessons and the girls gym lessons, more easter eggs than you can shake a stick at but just for today I am in a strange mode and not feeling the love, I feel wired, uptight, angry, agitated but not really sure as to why.

Life is like a rollercoaster and I know that for sure, I have just gone out the house to buy and nice pork and stuffing joint for tommorow and on the way back nipped into my local for a quick pint and typing this, I have obtained money and sitting contemplating what to do……………….I have come to the conclusion that fishing is very much like life……………..at times you have to be very paitent but in the end you get what you want!

Thank you for listening as you always do, thank you for posting, sharing, caring, helping and loving but most of all thanks for understanding me……………….in all honesty I dont understand myself half the time.

Take care all, stay strong and never give up fighting, today I am very tired and dont have alot of fight……………..If I gamble again and lose (as I will) I dont think I could live with myself and come back from it again, my emotions are all over the show, blood pressure sky high and my nerves totaly shot, why do we put ourselves through so much pain and hurt when the world can be a challenging place just as it is!

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet here, all I have is today and I should make the most of it!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Geordie you are a very good man and always will be, thank you very much for your post it means a great deal to me, thank you for thinking of me and also taking the time to reply.

I am like you my friend and this addiction will kill us both unless we work very hard at fighting it the very best we can and in turn building ourselves a better life, I know and you know we are not bad people Geordie but we have an addiction that destroys all the good we have in us.

I am really sorry to hear you have had a really bad few months and if I am to be honest with you I have a really bad 9 months ahead (should be straight by Christmas) like you rightly say we justify things and in truth if I was to tell most people what I lost in one day 10 days ago they would say I should either be in a straight jacket or think I was the biggest liar in the world………however other compulsive gamblers know how sick we can get and in all honesty there are no limits. Made the first payment back to the loan shark on Friday and I wont lie this time but really struggling to come up with the money, I know as the months tick on all will work itself out and gambling will only dig the hole even bigger, this time the hole is very deep but I know I can recover, just need to stay focused and positive and keep working as hard as I possibly can.

Took my boy fishing yesterday and he caught the biggest fish he has ever caught (you should have seen his face) it was a 8 lb common carp, I was tired and got home from work at about 2pm but I was determind to have some quality time with my lad and we did, he loved it and so did I.

Just come back from a bike ride with my two lovely children and on the way back my boy fell off and knocked into a “65” reg Merc, the owner was outside watching and it got a bit messy, I said I would pay for the damage and the owner said yes you will in a aggressive manner, It was an honest accident and I told my boy not to worry I will sort it all out, he is now at ease after being very worried (accidents happen and that is just life) of course I am worried about the cost and all that jazz, the Mrs went balistic when I told her but like I said to her it was an accident and thats just life, I will sort it as I always do but feeling a little “got at” was only trying to have some nice bonding time with the kids.

These things are sent to try us as they say and I would be lying if gambling hadnt crossed my mind to win some money back to pay for all the issues but just for today I will not gamble as I honestly cannot be bothered in chasing money and throwing good money after bad……………all will be well and I have every faith in that, life is bloody hard work at times and it tests you to the max but just for today I will not gamble, day 9 today gamble free………this time I am some how stringing some good recovery time together and getting back into the mind set of when I was in long term recovery, as always one day at a time.

Geordie thanks once again for your kind words and maybe we can meet sometime and have a chat, you are a very good man and never forget that, stay strong and I hope both our lives slowly improve “one day at a time”

Wish each and everyone of you all the very best in the world, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Velvet thanks for your kind words and support they really mean alot to me, hope you are keeping well and thanks for being around.

Vera as always thankyou for your help and support and yes you are right it does always end in tears, as for the loan shark I believe thats why I was very tempted to gamble yesterday as had to make the first payment, well the main thing is I fought the urge and didnt gamble, day 8 today gamble free, I am determind to work on myself in becoming a better man and staying gamble free as always one day at a time.

Velvet and Vera thank you once again for your helpful and supportive posts when ones mind is in the wrong place it is amazing what even one sentence can do in helping that individual, thank you both.

Wishing everyone well and hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Very tempted to gamble today, really strong urges and feel the need, this is day number 7 gamble free, need to be strong and keep reminding myself that if I make that first bet it opens that door again to a world of pain!!!!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Day 5 gamble free today, I have had thoughts of gambling but havent and wont put them into practice, I dont want gambling to destroy my life and more it has taken more than its fair share and has caused me enough pain to last two lifetimes.

I am a compulsive gambler and just for today I will not gamble, my very best to you all.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the reply female g, its always good to see you around and hope you are keeping well, thank you for your ongoing support and help it means alot and I would never take things the wrong way I value eveyones thoughts and input.

In truth the Sunday I just had (a wonderful day at that) was a pretty normal day I would have, time with family, my wife and children, cooking a sunday roast and taking the kids for a bike ride after fixing there bikes, I do all that stuff often (and love doing it) when I choose not to gamble and when I am not working off course, if I take the gambling out of my life I am not a bad person but when I choose to gamble my whole life changes.

Just for today I am not going to gamble, day 4 gamble free I am feeling positive about things and feeling good about life, still worried about the loqn shark and no female g at the moment I am not sure where the money is going to come from to pay him, still 3 days before the first payment so plenty of time to come up with a plan, will keep you updated and please dont worry about me I will sort it all out, feeling really good and believe I have turned a corner, everything happens for a reason and I know that we just have to try and see the good through it.

Wishing you all the very best in your recovery and life, take care and stay strong, keep trying and never give in.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks Velvet for taking the time to reply and all you do it really does mean a great deal to me and many, I hope you and your family are keeping well, I read alot of your posts and read the friends and family section often (although never post on there) this addiction destorys lives as we all well know and the family and friends of a compulsive gambler also have there lives torn apart through no fault of there own, no good has or will ever come from gambling and I know that I just have to make things work and this time I will.

I dont make promises any more as I have broken so many, when I made the promise I had no intention of breaking it and honestly my intentions were good, many years ago when I was drinking in a pub I bumped into this old man and we got chating as you do and he made the comment “the pathway to hell is full off good intention” I must have said something for him to make that comment but I cant honestly remember what exactly it was, I just replied “surley the pathway to hell is full off evil people with bad intention” anyway its amazing what you mind remembers at times.

Day 3 gamble free and in truth no real urges but I think that is because off the massive losses from friday night and still working out how to pay Mr loan shark the first instalment on Friday, I havent told my wife I owe money this time as she has enough on her plate already and if I did tell her I think it would break her, to be fair it is my mess and I choose to put myself in that situation so it is for me to get out of it, the only catch being is I get all my wages paid directly into my wifes account (for obvious reasons) anyway 4 days away from friday and alot can happen in 4 days, if I dont gamble apart from the normal household bills and food I dont spend that much money, I have faith and all will work itself out I am sure.

Thanks for reading and listening, also thanks for all your ongoing help and support it means alot to me, wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your life and recovery, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Early start today I picked my dad up at 6am and took him fishing, he has had 4 strokes in the past 18 months so does not get out much and in truth cant go out by himself as not always fully aware of what’s going on, I was tired as didn’t sleep well wandering how I am going to get myself out of the big mess I put myself in Friday night but we had a cracking morning, we were catching fish for fun, my dad had a couple of small ones to start and I hooked a couple of very good size carp and managed to land them, when I hooked into another good one I told my dad “you get this one in as I have to go to the toilet” between us I just wanted him to land a couple of nice ones (and he did) the third time I said I need to go to the toilet after hooking a decent size fish he asked if I have a problem and my timing was very bad lol (I was going to answer yes many) but left him to fight the fish and then stayed around behind making sure he didn’t get pulled in, it was a great morning and I took many pictures and videos as in truth I don’t know how long he has left in the world, he is only 64 but has had a hard life, I am only 39 and in all honesty had a even harder life (mostly of my own doing but not all) so I have no hope lol, anyway just wanted to post something positive for a change and today I am 2 days gamble free, I have come home from fishing and found my wife isnt very well, I have sent her to bed to rest and been making her hot drinks and some nice chocolate treats, she keeps saying she will get fat and I said I dont care enjoy them I love you and always will no mater what shape or size you are (she is only a bloody size 10), anyway she is in bed and I have just cooked a nice roast dinner for me and the kids (the Mrs managed to have a little bit) I have just fixed my two kids bikes as they have be on at me to take them for a bike ride, I am exhausted now but am just about to take the kids for a bike ride and get them and ice cream on the way back (they dont know that yet), life is like a roller coaster and at times I am a complete to**er but just for today I am not a bad person, Still really worried how I am going to pay off the loan shark but hey I usually come up with something and just for today I am not going to worry about it (honest)

Off for a bike ride with the kids, thanks for listening and wish you all the very best in the world in your recovery and also life, thanks for always being here and all your ongoing support, it means a great deal to me.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Vera and Sad, thank you both so very much for your posts, they mean a great deal to me and I hope you are both keeping well, life is like a roller coaster as we all know………I am currently recovering from the crash!

It’s going to be a long hard year!

Maverick

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