[maverick.]

Thanks ican and female g your posts are a pleasure to read, I really hope you are both keeping well and will always wish you both all the very best.

Today I am 18 days gamble free, life is tough at the moment as I have alot of other things happening in life but I have just got my head down and cracking on with it all, just for today I will not gamble and with that I will be more than happy.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Really good to hear you are doing well Flo and thankyou very much for your post and kind words, I wish you well and hope life is treating you fair, keep posting and sharing its good to share your thoughts and life with others…….its strange how much we all have in common.

Ok so I am 15 days gamble free (thankyou to all of you for your ongoing help and support I couldnt do it without you), from the bottom of my heart thankyou.

So today, now this is me when not gambling, I went out to get a nice joint of meet for sunday lunch, I even brought some herbs to cook the meet with (attention to detail not a chance if I had been gambling I wouldnt have even brought the meet……well I probably would have but you know what I mean) came home and cooked it…..had a lovley sunday lunch with the wife and kids and then after that I took my lad fishing (spur of the moment thing) he sat down at the computer and I said do you fancy going and he jumped at the chance so we did……fresh air and memories it was lovley……..my boy caught 3 fish and I caught 5 we both had a nice afternoon and spent some wonderful time together, got back and now exhausted so just chilling before work tomorrow.

Recovery gives me life and happiness………gambling does not and never will!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the post Vera and your support, I managed to not gamble………it just really isnt worth it anymore………I dont have the energy for anything, take care and wish you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for your post theone it means alot and hope you are doing well.

I am 14 days gamble free so in truth May with regards to my recovery is going great it is just every other aspect of my life is s**t , struggling with so very many other stresses and today I really fancy having a bet…….I have thought about it long and hard and thought as to why I feel the need to have a bet and I have come up with the answer “I am so stressed with everything at the moment and so worried I need to take my brain out of gear and forget about everything for a while” who knows anymore, life is like a rollercoaster with all the ups and downs but just for today there dont seem to be many ups and havent seen many for a while!

Thanks for listening I just needed to share, I dont think I have done 14 days gamble free for over 6 months so thats a positive, wish each and everyone of you all the very best as I always will, take care and hope you all have a great weekend.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for your post P, always good to see you around, Vera thankyou for your posts, support and helpful words, I have to be quick as on a small break from work, well at this point in time life is well and truly s**t, my boy is mess not sleeping at night and then over tired in the day and with that stroppy and moody……unhappy in short, I am trying to get it all out of him but think it all stems from this one bully I am not really sure as he wont open up to me, I will try again tonight, life is a mess my boys unhappy as no sleep and misserable in the day, the wifes at breaking point, my little girl waking up at night wondering why her brother is crying then she gets upset, i am knackered from no sleep and working my socks off……..I am slowly losing the plot with life and in truth have had enough…………never thought I would say it but I am 9 days gamble free and life is s**t.

Thanks for listening

Maverick

P.s – I know I couldnt deal with all this if I were gambling.

[maverick.]

Vera great post as always, thank you for your ongoing support, Charles you are a very good man and I am so very happy to know you my friend.

Having a nightmare with my lad being bullied at school, still going on and has escalated into out of school now…..fuming with it as wrote a letter to the head teacher over 6 months ago and all she managed to do was make me feel like shit as if I was making a big deal out of it, I am amazed and totaly disapointed in the way the teachers and school have failed my boy, for the last 4 weeks myself and my wife have taken it in turns to sleep with him in his bed as he is so frightened to go to sleep.

This bully thretened my boy when he was with his granddad the other day and I have now just snapped and hit my breaking point with it all, tonight I have tracked down were he lives and tomorrow will be going around to sort it out once and for all, it is distroying my boy, my wife broke down the other day on me with the stress and worry (never seen her that bad before and not even down to my gambling, managed to hug, love and console her) it is just a right mess, but in truth I can sort it all out and tomorrow I will.

What I say now and what I honestly believe is this……..I was bullied very badly as a child and at 14 years old thought long and hard about taking my own life……I felt I couldnt tell my parents (my fault not theres) and I drill it into my kids to tell me all and I even open up whole heart to them…….saying there is nothing I cant sort out for them.

This situation is killing me in many ways and I wont lie when I am passionate about something I can just snap……..I can see what is going to happen in advance and need to control my emotion with dealing with this nasty situation, I love my wife and children, I hate to see them so unhappy and like any good farther/husband they would do anything to look after them.

Life is so very hard at times, its not often but at times some people wind me up…..teachers speaking to parents like children………I am very tolerant but in the end something has to give and in truth everyone has there breaking point, with this situation I have come to mine.

Just for today I didnt gamble, 5 days gamble free and tomorrow after sorting my poor boys situation I need to sort the loan sharks………….many many years ago I was a good honest boy……that night I thought of taking my life ai said to myself “I have two choices………take your life as I cannot live this way anymore….or toughen up and look after yourself……..I went down the toughen up route but found very many bad things along the way (gambling being one of them), all I can say is what I speak is the honest truth and wouldnt wish the situation on anyone.

I cant complain……..I am still breathing………….I should be grateful for that……….

Maverick

[maverick.]

Micky most defo you and me have a deal to support each other and make sure we get through May gamble free…….you know what I have a wonderful feeling about our recovery and when ever you are struggling or feeling down please just drop me a line and I will do likewise, you are a very good man and never forget that, will always wish you well, take care my friend and speak soon.

Steven I am really sorry to hear of your loss and like we both well know it never gets better it just keeps getting worse and worse, we have to draw a line under it somewhere and start a new.

Recovery is are only hope, please keep sharing and will always wish you well.

Take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Great post Flo, stay strong and keep posting, I have messed my life up for over 20 years with gambling and have lost a few hundred thousand (I never count and that is just as well as I am probably being kind to myself) but we can change and lead a happy and loving life but only when we choose not to gamble, keep posting and as always one day at a time.

Take care and speak soon

Maverick

[maverick.]

Flo, great post, very honest and you have made a massive step sharing on this site, GT is a great sight with many good people, this addicition only ever gets worse as I am sure you already well know, all I would say for now is read many posts on this site (I am sure you have already) it will help you understand you are not alone and will be suprised at how many people a fighting with this addiction, as you read the other peoples posts and shares I know you will relate to some and perhaps pick up ideas from them of what they are doing to control the addiction.

I have to shoot now as due back at work but just wanted to quickly share with you and say great effort and well done on sharing your story and how you feel its a massive step in the right direction, no mater what now you have found recovery keep it in your life, I know you want to stop because if you didnt you wouldnt be here, keep sharing and keep reading there are many helpful people around this site who would wish you nothing but a happy life and it is possible.

Take care, wish you well and all tye very best in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Micky, really glad to hear you are still gamble free, keep up the great effort we both know the road that gambling leads us too…….its the same one every time and never changes although we convince ourselves it will……….I thought to myself the other day would I sit there setting fire to £50 pound notes one after another………….what do you think my friend?……….I would have to be bloody cold to do that and be in the middle of nowhere with no other form of heat to keep me alive, having said that I believe setting fire to those £50 it would last longer than when I was gambling and thats no lie……….although just for today thats one experiment I am not going to put into practice!

Take care Micky and I wish you all the very best mate.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Steven, Kin and Vera thank you for your posts and kind words as always they mean a great deal to me.

I have been gamble free since my last slip up on saturday, really been struggling money wise but just have to make it work!

“When I dont gamble I can afford to live but when I do gamble I cant even afford to fuel my car”

“I stop gambling………in time I have money in my pocket, money isnt an issue (dont get me wrong I am not rolling in it and far from it) what I mean is when I am not gambling I can afford to pay all my bills, loans and everything each month………then I make the choice to gamble………..I gamble……..lose it all (because I am a compulsive gambler and will never stop until I have lost the lot)………..now at this point I am deep in the brown smelly stuff………….may choose to lend money or may choose to do something silly to obtain money (I have done both in the past) ……..once the extra money is aquired I dont pay the urgent things I need to because I have lost so much and have to win it back………….so I gamble with it………and off course eventually I lose it all…..maybe an hour……maybe 4 hours……….might even be a day……..if I am really lucky I can drag it out into a few days…………riding that stress rollercoaster that ages me so fast I will be 100 in a week!!!!………anyway after however long it is………..I lose……….I am deeper in the brown smelly stuff………….under even more pressure and nearly hit beeaking………or breakdown point………..this is the cycle……………this always happens……..because I am a compulsive gambler………some bits in the middle maybe slightly different but 95% of it is always the same………..its a cycle and it doesnt change…….I know this……I understand this…………………so I must not start the cycle…….I always have to stay away from that first bet and this time I am going to do it.

May 2016 is going to be a gamble free month for me and it has been along time since I managed to string a month together and then this time I am going to string a year together and so on, I know I should make this statement but I have and thats what is going to happen, I am 4 days gamble free today and I am going to use every tool I have to stay gamble free one day at a time.

My gambling addiction has taken alot from me but I am still here and for that I am very grateful.

All the very best to each and everyone of you, hope you all have a great day.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Just a quick post as I am in the middle of cooking a sunday roast for me and the family (I do enjoy cooking for the family) I even clean up too!!!!

I got paid Friday (it has been a very long month) and my wages get paid into my wife’s account (at my request), I got my “allowance” for the month (month of May this is) for my petrol, bus fares and other bits and bobs and managed to gamble it all away yesterday like an absolute T……. compulsive gambler, so this month I am totally screwed and I haven’t told my wife and not going to, my wages covered all the bills, the rent, the months food is covered, council tax, water, gas, electric, kids clubs, kids swimming and in truth my wife and children are all sorted and set up for the month (in fairness as any good husband and farther should do every month and most I do!), so this time I messed up yet again but the only person who is going to pay for there actions is me (and so rightly so), I know why I gambled because I was trying to win money to clear the loan shark I am into……I don’t know why I bothered as it always ends the same but yesterday before I placed that first bet I thought long and hard………I nearly walked back out and didn’t make the bet but nearly isn’t good enough and the inevitable happened.

I felt sick and I mean really sick, it was like a utter disappointment with myself, not a self pity issue but a genuine disappointment and upset I had done what I had done.

I have just spent 2 hours helping my boy (9 years old) do his homework, now I like to think of myself as an intelligent man (well not when I make the choice to gamble) but some of the homework they get is really full on and gets my brain working (last week I got……no sorry he got a “great work” comment and 3 stars)

This morning I wasn’t really in the mood and didn’t sleep last night but I sat there to start and watched him copy something and started to write it word for word, I took the paperwork from him and asked him “so what is …..so and so” and he didn’t know, after that we sat together and learnt about what he needed to learn about in a fun way and he then wrote it in a 9 year olds words (exactly how it should be), we had some fun and at the start he wasn’t interested one bit but by the end he was bursting with enthusiasm and was a pleasure to see.

So hence my title and I can’t quiet understand why but I am a massive Jekyll and Hyde………but only when I gamble.

I must get back to the roast as don’t want to mess that up as well, my little girl keeps asking me “is it ready yet” lol, don’t you just love kids.

The only consolation is after losing all my money, I was walking back down the road and popped in the newsagent and brought 2x little £1 egg/little present gifts with the last £2 I had in my pocket and gave them to the kids when I got in, deep down I was proper annoyed with what I had just done but seeing there faces when I gave them there little treat made it slightly easier.

I really do need to sort myself out and get a grip on my life as at times I feel really down but in truth I have to put it all down to the gambling.

All I know is it is going to be another long month, I have just raided my money pots and managed to muster up £9……that has to last me until May 28th!!!!!

One more thing I took my boy and dad fishing yesterday and treated them both, the weather wasn’t great and if I am to be honest I found it very hard work trying to sort everyone out as my boy struggles because of his age and my dad likewise because of his, I think they both enjoyed it so that was the main thing.

I wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your lives and recovery, this addiction is horrendous and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I can beat it and I will beat it but I haven’t helped myself yet again with what I have done.

Thanks for listening, reading and sharing, take care and hope you all have a good day.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks Lizbeth for your post and kind words as always I wish you well, I hope things are going good for you today and wish you all the very best.

Take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for your post Micky and kind words, I will get it sorted my friend and I am looking at moving schools, I am sure all will work itself out as long as I give the situation my full attention and I will.

I am a compulsive gambler and have done many bad things in my life and caused alot of hurt and pain, I can also be a kind and loving person and have also shared my love and kindness, just for today I did not gamble and that is when I am the person I want and long to be.

Thank you for reading and listening as always, I wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your recover and lives, never stop trying and never give in, there is always hope even if we dont always see it.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Female g, well done for getting back here and posting, you are a good person and must keep trying my friend, stay strong and keep sharing, never give in and as always one day at a time.

You know as well as me if we start again where that road leads us……….I keep going down that same road and strangly enough it keeps leading me to the same place, just for today I dont want to go to that place again.

Take care female g and will always wish you well.

Maverick

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