[maverick.]

Lizbeth, Charles and Lees thankyou very much for your ongoing help and support in means a great deal to me, more than I could ever express, hope you are all keeping well and wish you all the very best in your recovery and life.

Just for today I didnt gamble gamble……day 6 gamble free, everything is going well and I am feeling good…………all I can do is live one day at a time…….and with that I am very greatful.

Thank you for listening, reading and maybe understanding, I am starting to like myself again but only a little bit!!!!!!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Low-life,

For years I didnt want to stop gambling so I never sought help, I understand now that if I didnt really want to stop I never would have, in the end something clicked inside and made me want to stop, I wont lie I still relapse and at the moment really struggling to string some good recovery time together but what I do know is I want to be here and in recovery and I dont want to gamble.

Temptation is everywhere we just have to find a way of beating it, in the last 4 days I have self excluded from everywhere I usualy gamble…………I have been here there and everywhere in my lunch hour and after work trying to put in as many barriers as I possibly can, its not impossible for me to gamble but I have now made it as bloody hard as possible.

Wish you well in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Jacob my friend at 19 you have your whole life ahead of you please dont waste it, I was heavy into gambling at 19 years old and still fighting like mad 20 years on……..the only thing I can say to you is it gets alot worse if we keep gambling more than you could ever imagine.

Wish you well, life is a gift……make sure you live it in happiness!

Maverick

[maverick.]

I am a compulsive gambler and thats why I cant bet for fun, If I start I can never stop, If I had a million pounds and I started gambling I would honestly lose every last penny the only question would be how long would it last, when I make that first bet that is where it all goes wrong because I cant stop so the only answer is dont make that first bet, I understand all that you say and I have done the same, one thing I know for sure is when I gamble £9000 doesnt last long and like you say you still have that in your savings, try and hold on to it and use it wisley………………when we continue to gamble things can only get worse and its fightening how quick they do.

I wish you well in your recovery and life, hope you have a good gamble free day, all the best.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Vera thanks for your kind words, advice, help, support and always being around it means a great deal to me, you are a wonderful women and so happy you are happy and living a gamble free life as always one day at a time, take care my friend and hope you have a great day.

Shanks’s Pony!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Kin keep fighting and hope you have a good day, take care of yourself.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Day 3 gamble free, I have been working very hard at understanding why I slip up and been building so many barriers you wouldnt believe, I still have a plan to self exclude from every public place I used to gamble (about 4 shops left) and have blocked and excluded from everything online so that route is neon impossible now, just need to get my hands on a tenner to get the photos I need to self exclude from the remaining 4 shops, sounds stupid I know but when you havent got money you havent got money, I wont lie I have managed to pay all the bills until the end of the month and earlier in the month gave my wife all the money she needed for the kids school clothes and there day trip money, so at least thats all sorted, I dont get paid for another 3 weeks and it is going to be a tough time, struggling for petrol but thats my fault, as a punishment perhaps I will have to walk to work and back for a few weeks, the problem being a compulsive gambler is very much like the story “the boy who cried wolf” in the end no one believes you!!!! and in truth I cant blame them.

I am here, I am alive, I am fighting, I am a compulsive gambler and just for today I will not gamble.

Thank you to everyone for reading from the person who understands every word I type to the person who doesnt understand or accept a thing I say but after reading helps them move to the next stage in there life, I am not here to be right or wrong, I am no where near the perfect man and so very far from it, I am only here for me because if I dont help myself no one else can……..

I send my very best to each and everyone of you and hope this finds you all well.

“I hate the man that gambling has turned me into but deep inside I am still a shy boy with a kind heart”

Maverick

[maverick.]

Kin,

“I cant change the direction of the wind but I can adjust my sails to make sure I get to my destination”

Maverick

[maverick.]

Keep fighting those urges Lees and well done on posting and sharing, as you well know this addiction will take everything if we let it, take care and stay strong, wish you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Just for today I didnt gamble, today is day 2 gamble free, last day gambled Sunday 11th September 2016, this is it this time, I honestly cant go where my next bet takes me again, I know saying this is putting immense pressure on myself but it isnt because I cant go down that road anymore, “I have caught the last bus back to the main road and the driver said thats it the route is now obsolete if you go down there again there is no way back” I have took that journey way to many times and in truth I am very lucky to still be in the world!

I promise you all when I dont gamble I am not a bad person and deep down have a good heart, but when I choose to gamble I am the worse person in the world and in truth I hate the person I become, it sounds very extreme but the only way I can describe it is like Jekyll & Hyde………….

I am a compulsive gambler, I have been in and out of recovery for about 6 years now, I wont lie before this time I didnt want to stop gambling and didnt want recovery but for the last 6 years I have wanted recovery and really wanted to stop, something clicked for me and although I havent stayed stopped I know recovery will always be the place for me and I will always keep fighting this addiction until the day I depart from the world.

2 days gamble free and I already feel I am getting the real me back, thanks to everyone for all your ongoing help and support, I wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Kin my friend if you are ever in that hole I would always stop and help you out……..or more to the point I would dig sideways out of my hole and join you in the middle and then we can both give each other a helping hand, stay strong and keep fighting you truly are a kind person with a loving heart, please never forget that, we can only ever take life “one day at a time” in truth so can anyone.

Keep sharing, It’s always great to see you around.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Slotjunkie just wanted to pop in and say well done for staying strong, deep down we all know what happens if we place that next bet its just making sure we think before we act (something I havent been very succesful with over recent months), keep heading in the right direction and hope you have a great day in recovery, have a safe trip home.

All the very best.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Kin my friend you are a wonderful person and you are a gift from God to others.

Take care my friend and will always wish you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Lizbeth, Charles and Kin, thank you for your ongoing support it means a great deal to me.

I know I am a compulsive gambler and I know if I dont fight hard at overcoming this addiction I will end up dead pretty soon, that is a fact I know, I feel it and I sense it breathing down my neck, it is like a uncontrollable force that I cannot contain, recently I have lost the plot, 3 years ago I was in a great mind set, hated gambling and what it had turned me into and worked very hard at staying gamble free but really enjoyed my life also and enjoyed staying clean!!!! now I just can’t seem to stay gamble free for more than a week!!!!

I hate the person I have become, I am slowly pushing my wife and children further away from me after working so very hard to get them so very close to me and back in my life, I wright this now and I have tears in my eyes………..I hate the person I am when I gamble and I hate that gambling turns me into a totally different person, I am 40 in 2 months time and although most days I am strong at the moment I feel totally weak, my wife hates me, my children wonder who I am but more importantly I dont know who I am anymore and I am at a total loss in life.

I know I am the only one who can change me but I am struggling so much in life at the moment and in truth I am holding on by a thread, I am in despair yet again, distraught, in truth not sure what way to turn and who to look to for help and support.

As a compulsive gambler who has been in and out of recovery for many years I have exhausted very avenue (basically meaning I have lied, cheated, stole, promised and begged that I would change), why would people believe or help me…….in all honesty I wouldn’t help myself because I am a lying, cheating, hurtful, malicious, callous, thieving, manipulating and hateful person……………………

I dont wright this for sympathy…..I wright this purely for myself and to let everyone know the true person I really am, this is the honest truth and I am not proud of that I am, but as God is my witness I swear to God I will change my ways and become a better man.

Thanks for listening and wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your life.

“just for today I am one of the worst people in the world but in all honesty it is not a place I am proud to be in”

The only good thing about today is I took my dad fishing (he is getting on in years, not great health and has had a few strokes over the last couple of years), in truth this morning we had a great time and caught a hatful……he was well pleased (even that wasn’t enough to stop me gambling this afternoon!!!!)

My name is Lee and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was today 11th September 2016……………………..I cannot change what I have done but I can change the present and the future.

Take care all and please always stay strong, this addiction kills us one day at a time but only if we let it.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for your kind words Kin they mean alot, I really hope you are keeping well.

I am still struggling with this addiction and I need to change things because at the moment whatever I am doing is not working, “if nothing changes then nothing changes” I need to listen to those words and act on them.

I have now finally hit an all time low…….all I can do to describe the feeling is to say “I feel physicaly sick, mentaly about to break down, the feeling of being totaly lost, in dispair, no where to turn and without hope”

Why why why………………………………..do I never learn!

I know I am a compulsive gambler and I know I need to stop gambling but at the moment I cant seem to stop, just for today I need to try something different, I need to get as many barriers in place as possible to help me fight this addiction, I feel it killing me slowly and turning me into a person I really dont like.

Last bet today 8th September 2016……….I cant go on gambling and wasting, destroying my life………I am so tired off it all, its such a messed up situation to be in, finacial I sit here now and have nothing but more worryingly I sit here now and mentaly I am destroyed, my brain isnt working right and my mind feels blank………I just dont know.

To those of you who are all struggling with this addiction I wish you well and pray each and everyone of you manage to find a way out and in turn lead a happy life.

“At the moment I honestly dont know but in time there will be an answer”

Maverick

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