[maverick.]

Kin you are a very good person with a kind and loving heart, ride the wave and see out the storm my friend, take care and look after yourself, life is like a rollercoaster with all the ups and downs we just have to ride it!

Always good to read your post and see you around, take care and as always I wish you well.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Kin, Vera and Charles as always thank you for your posts they mean a great deal to me, I am really grateful for you all being around.

I know I messed up and in truth I am messed up but I will try hard to get better.

I am a compulsive gambler and my last bet 5th November 2016, I hate myself and the person I have become.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Charles, Vera and I did it, thankyou for your posts and kind support, there is a pattern…..there is always a pattern, I havent been around for a few days and I havent been working hard on my recovery!!!

Today I gambled, after some really good time in recovery, I was doing really well, paying off loans, overdrafts, loan sharks and also treating my wife and children to the things they so deserve.

I planned to gamble today, I obtained the money, took a days holiday from work (without my wife knowing) and I went out and gambled, as we all know what happens but I will tell you anyway I lost every last penny (apart from £20) there is a reason why I kept that last £20, this morning I promised my boy 5 x packs of football cards (he collects them) if he was good today and my little girl asked me for a Puddsy badge (children in need badge) as she had noticed it a few days ago while shopping with her mum, I finished my gambling spree and brought the football cards and the puddsy badge along with a pair of light up ears (children in need gift) for my girl also, then hit the pub to contemplate life, I walked in here with £10 cash and my credit card that has £14 left on it……I sit here now on my fourth pint (card maxed out) and £10 in my pocket (enough for another 3), and honestly wander why I am such a shit person, why do I do what I do, I hate myself for what I am and what I have become, my mum and dad brought me up well and I just became the person I am along the way, I am a compulsive gambler, borderline alcoholic and at times I have so much anger inside I cant explain (just want to add I have never layed a finger on my wife in 20 years) (or my children), I am not like that but I do have this built up agression inside……..

The only reason I write this is so I can look back on it and learn, I work really hard to support my family I promise you I do and also show them love and effection, I hide the destruction I have caused so as not to effect them and I have worked really hard at paying off the mess I have caused……….today was massive, its all my own fault, I dont have anyone else blame apart from myself, I knew what I was doing and it was me doing it, I was trying to blast myself out of the hole I had dug………..and boy didnI blast myself…………..not out of the hole but another 30 foot deeper……….today I gambled (4th November 2016) and today I messed up, I am stuggling to see anyway out of this situation at the moment…….I turn 40 at the end of this month and while people I know are living in big homes and driving nice cars I am fighting hard to stay alive (in truth I know there are many poor souls out there who dont have enough food to live) and I need to be greatful for where I am in life, I am what I am and God knows I am sorry for all I do but I cant seem to stop doing it, I am weak and I know that, I have no willpower and I also know that.

I just want to say I am many many bad things and I put my hands up and admit to that but I love my wife and kids with all my heart………..when they get home from school my boy will have his football cards and my little girl will have her puddsy badge and light up ears!!!!

Just for today my name is Maverick and I am a compulsive gambler, last day gambled 4th November 2016, I hate what I have become and it needs to end……….I cant live with this addiction anymore and I have to work even harder this time to stop this madness, I dont have the energy anymore to keep doing what I am doing, God help me my friend as I know you do!!!!!

Will always wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks bee and lees for your post they mean alot to me, thankyou for your kind words, support and taking the time to post.

I have to be quick as need to get back to work in 10 mins but just wanted to share over the last couple of days I have been having massive urges to the extent that I nearly gambled today but thankfully I didnt, I know it is crazy and after all that my gambling has done to destroy my life I still had massive urges and in truth wanted to gamble…………God knows why after the pain and suffering but all I know is I did, I dont want the want to gamble and will work hard at getting shot of it.

Today is 33 days gamble free and I am so very grateful for that, thank you all for reading and listening, as always I wish you all well, I will share again tonight when finished work, I have read alot of posts this week and have seen the struggles and also success and all I can say is if you are here, reading and sharing then you have hope!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Everyday may not be good but there is something good in everyday!

Hope you are keeping well Kin, look after yourself and take care.

Maverick

[maverick.]

I did it,

Great post and keep staying strong!

Remember “you only fail when you stop trying”, take care my friend and hope you have a good day.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Bee,

Really well done on sharing and finding this website, please read and post as much as you can, it is frightening how some peoples stories are very similar, keep fighting and keep working hard, this addiction takes everything as I am sure we both well know, I am really sorry to hear of your troubled life and loss, I do understand how you would seek (peace/release) via gambling but it is only a short term fix (as we both also know) and after we have done what we have done the situation is 10 x worse!!!!

Wish you well and keep posting, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Lees,

Hope you are doing ok?, keep fighting and stay strong, really well done on your gamble free time its great to hear, try and keep it heading in the right direction, look after yourself and as always one day at a time.

Maverick

[maverick.]

I did it, I just love reading your posts………and a saint you are I am sure, thanks for your post and kind words it means alot to me.

Really hope you are keeping well, take care of yourself and hope you have a great weekend.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks Charles you are a good man, thankyou for all you do, take care my friend.

[maverick.]

Thanks Kin, you are a very kind person with a kind heart, I hope this finds you well.

Someone said something today (not to my face but behind my back) and it has upset/played on my mind all day and even now, that’s the sort of person I am……….soft and sensitive!

There are a lot of hurtful, nasty, bitter, lazy people out there but that is just life, If I let it these people will hinder my recovery and I must always remember “what people think about me is there problem not mine”

Just for today I did not gamble and that for me is 25 days gamble free (haven’t managed to string that sort of recovery time together for well over a year), life is busy, life is tiring, life is hard, feeling pretty down and low at this point in time but cant quite work out why.

Wish you all well, take care and look after yourselves.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Hi Rs,

Well done on sharing how you feel, thats a massive step in the right direction, I understand how you feel and can relate to many things you share, all I can say to you is “there is hope” and I can promise you that.

I have been fighting this addiction for many years and have lost more than I could possibly share but I still have my wife and kids that alone is pricless………..you can change like I know I can we just have to work hard at it, keep fighting and please keep sharing, stay strong and start getting some barriers in place, hope to hear an update from you soon and browes around this site, there are very many helpful people and features around.

I hope this finds you well and wish you and your wife all the very best, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Lees and steven thanks very much for your kind posts and support, I hope you are both keeping well and both staying strong, keep doing what works for you both and as always one day at a time.

19 days gamble free, got through payday today, paid off many many things and now on a very tight budget again for the next month…………..it is what it is and just for today I did not gamble.

Wish each and everyone of you all the very best in your recovery and life.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the post i did it, really hope you are keeping well.

I have been really busy with work and in fairness I have been staying out of trouble, I have been thinking alot about the recent sad news and I have come to the conclusion it happens everyday for many people (we just dont know them) its not until a family member or friend or even a friend of a friend becomes ill that we then think, care, help and support in anyway way we can, people become ill everyday and many people depart from the world everyday and I know and understand thats life, so it is even more important that we understand that the only thing that really maters is what we do while we are in the world.

Take care everyone and wish you all well.

Today is 18 days gamble free, tomorrow I get paid and I owe a fortune, I will stay strong and work everthing out, in the end I know all will be good.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Lizbeth you are so very welcome, you have been there and helped me many times, be sure to look after yourself and hope things inprove as I know they will.

Well just for today its been one bit of bad news after another, seems like cancer is taking everyone I know………and alot of the time it seems to be creeping upon them with no warning and they are left with nothing they can do about it, today I find life so very sad but what can we do “we are born, we bring nothing into the world and in the end we die, we can take nothing out of the world” I suppose the only thing that maters is what we do we our lives while we are in the world……………from the words of a song I used to listen to so very often that sad “we came to this world with nothing and we leave with nothing but love, everything else is just borrowed”

Take care all and wish you all well, just for today my heart is sad but thats just life and I cant change that, 16 days gamble free today and I dont think I have managed that for more than a year……….life is like a rollercoaster we just have to ride it.

Maverick

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