[maverick.]

Geordie, Vera, Velvet and Micky thank you all for taking the time to read and post on my thread, all posts and feedback I get is always gratefully received.

Today is day 7 gamble free, I am trying to refocus on everything and also take it back yo basics, have been trying to talk and share with my wife and although she knows I have a problem her opinion at this time is “its my problem and I need to sort it” and I accept that because its right but just wanted her to know about the support that is available for her also, anyway will keep trying.

I owe a small fortune (again) to people you dont want to be oweing and it has been playing on my mind daily and nightly also causing me sleepless nights but I am afraid I only have myself to blame so I just need to live with it and sort it asap, I have a few jobs on the side this week so been working flat out at work and then been trying to squeeze a few other things in between, God only knows the places gambling takes us and the lengths it makes us go, the only way I can really explain it is like being possesed! As I wouldnt have done 99% of the stuff I did when I gambled.

Have to stop as in my works car park and have to start at 8am, just wanted to say thank you to the gambling therapy community and wish you all well, take care and hope you all can have a good day.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Micky well done on getting back here and sharing, I know you want to stop this madness as do I, we just have to keep trying and I know deep down in the end we will succeed, keep posting and keep working on it my friend, as someone once righlty said “we are all a work in progress”

Take care and hope you have a good day.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Geordie thank you for sharing that, you are a very good man and have come along way, you should be proud of yourself my friend, thanks again for posting and sharing, it’s amazing what we go through in life and the scary part is not who really knows us!

Always wish you well Geordie and always will, look after yourself and deep down I know we will both be alright, just have to keep fighting.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Yes Charles it would, thanks for your feedback and I will do everything I can to improve my life and beat this addiction, I know it’s my fault and I am the only one who can make it better, thanks again for the feedback and take care.

Maverick

[maverick.]

I am attending no meetings at all Charles, hope you are keeping well and thanks for your post.

Maverick

[maverick.]

I would like to share and in advance thank you for listening.

I have been gambling for around 25 years (now 40 years old), I never admitted I had a problem until I was around 35 years old (ish) and that’s when I decided I had enough and really wanted to stop gambling. I went to GA meetings and made some really good friends and over the first year or two things were getting better, I didn’t slip very much and had some good recovery time and really worked hard at trying to fix the “bad parts” of me, I was working really hard in my job, attending a couple of GA meets a week and on the other evenings would just sit on my computer attending online recovery groups and sharing on forums until the early hours, I started to grow further apart from my wife and kids, she even said I had replaced one addiction with another, I don’t know and I know I only have myself to blame for all this mess but I just couldn’t get a happy medium and find that right balance.

I eased off the internet a little and dropped down to one meeting a week but it just wasn’t enough for me, I am a compulsive gambler and I cant explain how badly addicted I am, gambling has and still is ruining my life (because I let it), I do want to stop I know that because I try and before I didn’t care and didn’t want to stop, I have been there and therefore know the difference.

I work a full time job and always have (like many of us I am sure), I always look after my family and although I mess up many times I work bloody hard each time putting it right and sorting everything out, I know when I gamble I am a bad man and I see that, the other day when I gambled the regular cashier (a women in her 60s a very nice lady who is always very pleasant) said to me after I had a heavy loss “you are a lovley man I have seen over the years, why do you do this to yourself), I just answered “I don’t know” “I am a compulsive gambler” and left.

Gambling has taken a lot of money from me but even more it has taken a lot of time, I cant say I will never gamble again because I cant seem to get back to where I was around 5 years ago, I was in a zone, a happy place, not gambling but spending every free hour on recovery, I need to get back to spending every other free hour on recovery and the remaining other free hour on my family, I cant stop this addiction and need to spend time on containing it but in doing so I must find that balance.

I still owe loan sharks a lot of money (only because of my gambling) and I know it is my fault and I am weak but they make it too easy for me to lend the money, I will be honest on here and the only reason I share this is because I hope and pray it stops and stronger person than me to not get any deeper than we are as it never gets better if we keep on gambling, so I owe the sharks a lot of money and I am struggling to pay it all back (but was just about managing) haven’t told my wife and I cant not because I am hiding it for my benefit but for hers as she would worry herself to death, so last night I made a payment and all was ok until they told me my balance lets just say the rates are not like the bank of England, I just wanted to clear it all off and not owe them a penny (wish I had never borrowed it in the first place) anyway we were talking and cutting a long story short I borrowed some more and put it all on Barcelona to beat Juventus last night to get myself shot off them, well after the result there is no getting shot of them and in truth only probably going to get shot, sorry poor joke I know but this is how my sick evil compulsive gambling mind works, last night after the chain of events I was nearly suicidal and really didn’t want to face anything at all, had a really bad nights sleep and total depressed, I could have borrowed more again today (as had the option), I didn’t and have worked a payment plan out over the next 6 months, I can sort it and I can do it, just one simple thing I need to do (DONT GAMBLE – DONT PLACE THAT NEXT BET)!

I am holding onto life by the skin of my teeth and really fighting hard to stay in this world, I don’t share this for pity, I know I have brought all this (everything) on all by myself and I am the only person to blame, I except that and take all responsibility, I share this in the hope that it may possibly help just one person in the world and if it does then I am so happy I have taken the time to share.

Thank you for listening and letting me share, just for today I didn’t gamble because if I had it would have killed me.

Finding Laura and Micky as always thank you for your kind posts, your ongoing help and support is always greatly received and thank you for being such good friends, I wish you both well and hope life is treating you fair.

My wife has just called through the kitchen saying we have ran out of milk when just trying to poor milk for the kids and give them a couple of biscuits as we do every night, I am just going to pop to the shops and get some (with money out of her purse that she has given me as I haven’t got a copper coin) I promise you when I don’t gamble I am not a bad man!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Vera and Geordie thanks for your posts and thank you for thinking of me.

Just for today life is messed up in more ways than one, just for today I dont have words to describe my feelings, I will try and share tomorrow but just for today life has me beat.

Maverick

[maverick.]

A very wise man once said to me “if nothing changes, nothing changes” how very true.

I am a compulsive gambler but just for today I will not gamble.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks for the post Johnny and you are so right my friend, hope you are keeping well.

So I am still fighting this addiction and I am positive I will overcome it, my gambling now is limited to betting shops (bookies) a while back I self excluded from many but eventually found 4 more (further to travel) but I did and gamble in them when I slip up, I don’t gamble online at all anymore as have closed and blocked everything that way.

So have been thinking all weekend and my wife has gone away with the children ( half term break) to see her family down south (I have to work), so tonight I finished work and had a plan and real solid plan that I am was so very happy about that even the thought of it made me feel really positive, I went and got 5 passport photos taken (for the bargin cost of £5) and headed to the only 4 places I gamble (ok I know I could find places further a field but I am trying to build as many barriers as I possibly can) because this addiction is killing me!

I wont go on but you would not believe me when I say I went into each one (sounds silly but plucking up the courage to do it) and 3 of the shops after talking and asking to self exclude turned me away as informed me they didn’t have the right form!!!!!

What a f***ing joke the 4th one I filled it in handed over a photo and self excluded job done (also the one I self excluded from and filled the form in) because another shop I used was the same chain they excluded me from both so 50% of the job done.

I cannot really believe the other shops as I have since come home and logged on to my computer and within 10 mins I have found self exclusion forms for those shops online and downloaded them ready to print (I don’t have a working printer but by God I will find one by tomorrow)

Just wanted to share because I know I am a compulsive gambler and also a totally arsehole but this is what we are up against when trying to help ourselves, I honestly believe those shops had the forms but just didn’t want to help me help myself – disgrace.

Rant over – just for today I didn’t gamble but went into four betting shops for the right reason.

Maverick

[maverick.]

My name is Lee and I am a compulsive gamble, last day gambled 5th April 2017 (today), I am going to start again and work harder than I have been working at becoming gamble free, I haven’t been doing all I can and that’s just not good enough.

I have been gambling since I was 14 years old and now 40, after 26 years I know what I need to do and I need to do it, I keep walking down the same street and I am sick and tired of seeing the same thing, message to myself “next time take a different road”

All I can do is try again tomorrow.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Just for today I will not gamble, 2 days gamble free and working hard to keep it that way, it’s amazing how quick things get better when we don’t gamble!

Maverick

[maverick.]

Thanks Laura for your post it means a lot, hope you are keeping well and be sure to look after yourself, take care.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Vera and Geordie, always great to hear from both of you and thanks for your ongoing support, I will write more when in a better frame of mind.

I am afraid to say I am the main event in the circus at the moment doing all sorts of stuip and silly things, the monkey Geordie! Well at the moment my friend I have a dozen!

Hope you are well mate and keep fighting, Vera look after yourself and speak soon.

Last day gambled 25th March 2017.

Maverick

[maverick.]

Wise words Vera my friend, I hope this finds you well, only a very quick post because as always I am in the tom tit yet again (all my own doing and no one else to blame), so working every minuite possible for the forseable to lift me out.

I hate life at times but when I really think about it I should really be sorry very grateful as its a gift………..I just seem to be wasting mine and that is just selfish……message to myself – sort yourself out Lee!

Thanks for listening.

[maverick.]

Great to read your posts Micky, stay strong, keep fighting and as always one day at a time my friend, wish you well and speak soon.

Maverick

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