[marke]

Restless night. Up early so came onto site.
Feeling rubbish, remorseful full of regret. Why didn’t I stop when…….
why don’t I go to the gym again……. go cycling again…..
it is hard to pick up motivation….
When I gamble I don’t eat, don’t wash, don’t look after myself, I withdraw from others
There are so many occasions I should have stopped. So many good positions I have been in then I sabotage myself
I know if I carry on this time it won’t end prettily.
Today I have to turn the corner again. Clean myself up, get focussed on keeping what I have got.
I need to access help as I have fought alone and always come back to square one. I am going to get a software blocker sorted this afternoon, it will be a start

[marke]

Hi there
I just read your thread and can empathise with so much you said. I have had a restless night after my latest gambling bender last week.
Reading other threads and chatting to some other people on here over the last couple of days has been a massive help. I came onto the site on Sunday.
Its got to be all about getting a positive mindset and keeping it that way. As hard as it is we have to try and let go of the relationships, time, money lost because whatever position we are in things will only get worse if we carry on.
I am 50 now. If I had stopped gambling in my 30s I would probably still be married and still living near my mates. I got divorced, was broke, moved away to start again.
If I had stopped gambling in my 40s I would still be in another relationship and could be living a good life. I am skint again and had to move back in with my Dad!
From what I read you have so many positive things to focus on. If you carry on you will be endangering all that.
In all of my gambling I have never truly thought of the CONSEQUENCES of my actions. I have always got caught up in the whirlwind of yeh have a bet, go on, click play, click play again…… never understanding at the end I will ALWAYS lose
If we can change our ways, change our mindset. We will AT LEAST keep what we have now, our sanity, our life. For the rest of it then whatever will be, will be.
Take care, keep posting
Mark

[marke]

Day 2 gamble free.
Had a long day at work so was occupied. Urges to gamble to win back some money are still there but to be honest at this moment the mountain I would have to climb to get back where I was approximately a year ago looks massive and I would have to climb out of a deep chasm first.
Gambling does sap you of energy and I am low from my recent relapse but I am more aware now that the feeling to have a crack at that mountain is going to come back soon. I know I need to keep that in mind.

[marke]

Day 1 about to pass and no gambling today. I know I must carry this on everyday for ever now. I have this said to myself about stopping before but I have lapsed back into old ways.
When I have saved a bit of money I am going to get a devil tattoo on my shoulder to help remind me he is always there!!
Been hard, tomorrow will be easier because of work I am accepting it will be a long road and there is no quick fix i.e. gambling again to get back my losses!!

[marke]

Hi thanks for the replies. Was nice to meet you on chat earlier I-did-it and vera! Thanks for the welcome message Velvet.
Today has been a long day but accessing this site has helped big time. I have confessed to my Dad about my relapse, spoken to my ex wife about things and will be talking to my son about my gambling too.
Going to be tough ahead but I am never going back to where I was this morning.
All the best to anybody who is on the site
Mark

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