[marke]

Nearly a month gamble free. I haven’t posted much lately as I have been trying to reduce my time on the laptop. The internet can obviously be great bit I really wish it had never been invented!!!
I have put a blocker on but am not convinced it covers all the “bases” plus I know it is doesn’t solve the problem of being a compulsive gambler.
I have cut back on alcohol as i know that makes me more reckless and I am thinking about giving it up altogether. I still harbour massive regrets but have been having counselling, it has been helping but I still find it really hard to forgive myself.
I could be in a much better place now without previous gambling as I am sure everyone on here could be. However I am slowly starting to accept what has happened and move on to a more stable future. If others can do it then I can do it, if I can do it, anyone can do it!!
Come on people let’s beat this!!!
Take care all

[marke]

been off the site for a bit. staying away from laptop and gambling urges. installed betblocker but don’t think it covers all the gambling sites.
don’t beat yourself up. i have lost ***** of all the times i should have stopped. keep working on reasons not to gamble, that is what i am trying to do and seems to be working so far, but it is really hard. dust yourself off, try again

[marke]

4 days, well done.
I would have to say that money definitely doesn’t make anybody happy. It can help of course but it is not the be all and end all
I am thinking most of us on here don’t gamble for the money. There are many different reasons why we gamble, so I wouldn’t use the word idiot, it is being too harsh. Yes, we might feel like idiots, I know I often do, but I am looking at the reasons why I gambled and learning about them.
Gambling for me is like self harming (where I feel some sort of control away from “life”) . If someone was self harming by cutting themselves with a knife we would (I hope) offer them help and support, we wouldn’t call them an idiot. Help and support is what we all need to progress.
Ultimately if we continue to gamble it will take everything away from us, including our health. That has no price.
Keep going and keep posting

[marke]

You have made a good start in coming onto this site, tell yourself that for starters.
I don’t think it will ever be easy, but am thinking the bottom line is we don’t want things to get any worse.
In time things can get easier, this will be different for everybody, dependent on how much damage has been caused by gambling.
I have gambled on and off for years and have genuinely felt great when I have not gambled but I get drawn back in by various “triggers”. I am working on this with a counsellor (not related to this site) and it is helping.
I never accessed any help before but am using every bit of help I can get now to finally stop. Keep posting
All the best

[marke]

Would like to add another well done. You have got yourself motivated and are using your time well so keep it up.
I need to regain my motivation to lead a more positive life again and to maintain it. My spare time has been an enemy in the past. I need to do active stuff yes, but I need to be able to learn to relax and switch off sometimes too.
From what I have read in my short time on this site everybody tries to inspire each other. Nobody “fails”, even if there is a lapse back into gambling. We are all working towards the same goal of giving up for good!

[marke]

Have spent some time with my son (he lives a fair way from where I am now). I opened up about my gambling problem. He is 18 and lives with my ex-wife. It felt like part of my burden about my problems has been lifted.
I explained gambling was my escape when things are on my mind. He seemed to be pretty philosophical about it all. Shame I am not as level headed as him! I will keep him updated on my progress and that will help.
Been good to be away from the lap top for a few days. That becomes a bit of a crutch when I feel restless and is part of my overall problem.
No gambling, can’t say I feel good as I still have a lot of remorse. All the times I could have and should have stopped. All the times I did stop for a while but then would get sucked back in. I don’t think that will ever really go away but I have to try and live with it somehow and use it so I don’t make things even worse. I found a story about two wolves (just google storty of two wolves and you will find it) I will be trying to live by that from now on.
Thanks for your posts Monica and Brucey. I know that I have a choice really. Stop gambling and I know in time I will feel better. Continue to be drawn in and repeat and worsen these feelings.
As regards Gamstop I have downloaded Betblocker instead. I have “tested” it against a good few sites and it prevents access (honestly tested it that is!). So I will stick with that.
I understand blocking software is not the answer, that we have to get to the root of the problem, but it will help, particularly in these early days.
Take care all

[marke]

Thanks for your posts Monica and Brucey.
Stayed gamble free today! Have installed betblocker as Gamstop was too much hassle.
Am off to visit my son tomorrow. Will be a long day and won’t post. Hard going but steering clear.
Mark

[marke]

Thanks Vera and Henno. I need to keep your words in mind over the weekend. I got paid today and will have that deadly thing for me – spare time – over the weekend.
Thoughts of the magic football accumulator to pull me out of the mire are in my head but I am not going to throw more money away now.
It will be a few years before I am debt free. Paying the debt doesn’t leave me with much but I can still live an ok life. This last week my head has been all over the place and I basically lived off a block of cheese and a loaf I bought last weekend!!
It has been the lowest low in the roller coaster ride that gambling brings. I am going to step off the ride now and never go back.
All the best everybody

[marke]

Hello Dave
Just like you I got to a point where it doesn’t matter about the winning or losing. It is about the gambling.
I am on my 5th day since a gambling bender. Feeling pretty rubbish but was feeling suicidal on Sunday morning so am moving in the right direction.
As everyone says it is about small steps. Thinking of when you might gamble and avoiding those situations is very important and taking action like blocking software, self exclusions, handing over your finances.
This site is good and over the last 5 days it has really helped me to put down my thoughts so keep posting. I will keep an eye on your thread

[marke]

Hi Lizbeth, thanks for those words. I am very hard on myself sometimes and when I don’t meet my own expectations I am realising I am then vulnerable to escaping into the world of the compulsive gambler.
I know that I need to deal with the fact that life isn’t perfect from time to time, well a lot of the time!
Sometimes I am out and about and I see a happy couple, a happy family on an outing, people with a nice car and/or nice house I think to myself that I could have that IF I never gambled.
It is hard to deal with and plays on my mind. I am trying to focus on what I have got. To use what has happened this time to become the man I know I can be.
It is hard going. I have had thoughts today that maybe if I gamble again I can get at least some of the money back that I have lost. Maybe I would feel a bit better.
But I will stay strong this time and start to work towards a contented life, where I am happy in my skin and don’t really care about how much money I have or haven’t got
Take care all

[marke]

Hi Velvet

Many thanks for your message. It is hard to stop beating myself up but I do have to try and accept I can’t change anything now. That I do have to move forward and not slip up again.
When I don’t gamble I actually feel great but when I feel great I think I let my guard down, then fall back into a vicious cycle.
Feeling positive that I have done 4 days. I would stay up for the chat but I have early starts at work.
Take it easy out there

[marke]

Hi
I just logged on and was looking at new posts.
You do sound like a very strong person who can come through all of this. I think everybody who has bounced back time and time again must be strong – like everybody on this site!!
To balance relationships, work, everything else and a gambling habit is pretty immense when you think about it!!
Imagine if we can finally get rid of the gambling habit!!
I would think you are drained by telling your story but I hope in some way it helped you. Sounds like you have had really tough times, have you been able to share this with anybody else because it is a lot to keep hold of?
Take care of yourself

[marke]

Thanks for your words of support Henno. Was good to meet you the other day too. All the best to you in this fight to stop once and for all. Will definitely be using this site to offload my feelings, rather than bottle them all up as I have done in the past, or “pretend” that I don’t really need help.
Feeling bad and regretful. I suppose part of me will always feel that way. I don’t even feel like gambling right now because I feel washed out, but I know those feelings could return anytime.
Just need to keep to small steps, day by day, slowly fight my way back.
BUT THIS TIME NO FALLING BACK INTO THE GAMBLING TRAP

All the best to everyone fighting this. There is a better life out there.

[marke]

Thanks for your comments Drat88. Yep trying to take small but positive steps.
Contacted Gamstop. They said they require 2 proofs of address to proceed to confirm my identity.
As I have recently moved, because of gambling problems, I cannot provide that!!!! aaaaaaggggggghhh!!!!!!
Its enough to make me want to gamble again!!! but I won’t!!!
Installed betblocker. Has anybody else used that????

[marke]

Hi Vera
I am thinking anything that we do or anything that happens to cause us mental anguish in life makes us vulnerable to start gambling.
I am learning that I gamble as an escape from problems. That it is my own world that I “escape” to. I think for me gambling comes from relationship and self-esteem issues.
For yourself you are caused anguish my loaning to people, you may feel used and confused, you may try and exit that vicious circle by entering another one, i.e. gambling.
I am thinking we have to try and exit our problems to a “safe place” somewhere other than gambling
Take care

[Author]

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