[Mark89]

Thanks for the advice and messages. I’ll definitely try Monique as I used to be a good sportsman, but slowly quit everything such as football, golf, snooker as it was getting in the way of my gambling.

Maverick – do you know where I would find the fritz & charlatans posts, on here?

I’ll definitely recommend the help groups for my family, hopefully it will make the atmosphere a little less tense. Thanks for the advice folks, whilst not everything sinks in as I’m up and down recently I do really appreciate it and will keep trying to avoid gambling. Luckily stayed away today, but perhaps more because I have no money…

[Mark89]

Thanks Monique. Yes I use use the helpline but right now I can’t see or think properly. I just can’t see a way out. I even put on a 50p accumulator today in desperation as this was all the money I had spare. Typically I would have bet in 100s or 1000s, not that the amounts are relevant. It’s just madness, I know it’s madness but I can’t stop the madness. I just feel guilty when I sign into the chat groups knowing that I have gambled that day! I feel like I don’t deserve anyone’s time when I can’t even put a day togeather. I continue yo hit lower lows. I hope tomorrow brings a better day and I have some strength

[Mark89]

I can’t even go one day, even whilst typing this message I’m thinking about what to bet on and scheming. I need help but I can’t even help myself

[Mark89]

Two terrible weeks, the thought of Cheltenham made me borrow money and gamble, then I borrowed more money during cheltenham and now I’m back to square one like last month. Well more like square minus one, another backwards step. The impending doom of depression now here.

My salary is supposed to get paid to my mum every month, I’ve self excluded from over 20 bookmakers, but still ive found ways to gamble. Last month I had no money to get to work and my mum bailed me out yet again on the premise that my salary is paid to her. In the meantime ive managed tomorrow £1500 which needs to be paid back with this months salary. I can’t tell my mum ive gambled again, I was already on a last chance. My only thoughts are how to gamble my remaining salary back to win, in order to cover up my error. I know this has only 25% chance of success, but feeling desperate again with no way out. I can feel the impending doom and suicidal thoughts building up. Completely lost in helplessness. This has happened in about 10 of the last 12 months…. The atmosphere at home is horrendous, my mum and stepdad on verge of divorce, my mum stressed everyday about what I’m going to do, this will just too it all over the edge. I just can’t see a way out, yet again and now I’m just waffling on and don’t have the energy to edit this post.

[Mark89]

Some very useful thoughts, so thanks again all. Feeling very restless and useless today. Fortunately avoided a bet all wknd, in part because I have no money. Not sure if it’s boredom or withdrawal symptoms causing restlessness

[Mark89]

Thanks for the comments maverick, they really struck a familiar cord. I’m the same in the respect that I can’t place one bet however big or small as it soon starts to snowball again. Some people seem to go to GA and can just cut down and place the odd small bet. But I know I don’t have thag resolve I need to quit. Not sure if anyone feels the same, but my biggest struggle is the lost years I’ve wasted. I became a gambling recluse for years not going out or speaking to anyone. I’m only 25 and it’s all the small stuff which I missed out on from 15-25 which are supposed to be great times going out with friends, on holiday etc. I know I’ll never have this time back as what few friends I have left are now at different stages of life and settling down. I know I will lose many more yrd if I keep gambling, but it’s those lost years which hurt the most!

Thanks too Andy and sorry to hear what gambling has done to you too. Hopefully get into GM soon to!

[Mark89]

Thanks for the comments Geordie, it does help hearing similar stories and knowing people do read.

Luckily my mum has taken control of my salary and monies, but she’s very frugal and doesn’t believe I should spend on myself until my debts are all cleared. Rightly or wrongly this has made me get more depressed as I can’t organise to go out with friends or do anything I want. Hence not going out for 2 months now. It’s all my own fault and on bad days Ive even found myself still trying to borrow money off friends. Last months borrowed and tried to juggle money to cover my tracks. I’ve asked friends not to lend me, but there’s only so many obstacles I can put in place! It’s all become so embarrassing, practically begging for money from friends to bet with, I’ve managed to isolate myself. one day I’ll bet £1000 on something and then the next I’ll have a 50p accumulator to give me hope (false hope obviously). As we speak I get really anxious about not being able to bet on the Cheltenham festival which had been a big occasion for me. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but it’s very hard.
I’ve tried loads of obstacles, but in desperation I keep finding ways around them, then being disgusted at myself after.

What’s really depressing is I hate the person I’ve become! I hope things get better, but that hope fades day by day.

[Mark89]

Thanks for the welcoming messages. I’ve been really desperate the last few days, but luckily work has been busier and I’ve been ill and managed to keep money out of my hands and avoid temptation. I dread the weekend when I’m left alone to my own devices. Still not feeling overly positive. I wish I was a more positive person rather than a pessimist. Trying to tackle each day I guess

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