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Oooh, I wish I could be a fly on the wall tomorrow. I want to see how beautiful you look, watch your eyes sparkle as you get to truly enjoy yourself. Never mind the old bat of a MIL – people who whine all the time don’t get to enjoy one bit of their life. How sad. So, get yourself made up, your hair "fascinatored", have a lovely drink with your lovely Dames,and reflect on how far you have come as a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend. Dance your socks off!
Hey girl, you are doing so great. It is such a pleasure to log on here and read how busy your life is. I have to ask though – what on earth is a hair fascinator? I read that post from you on someone’s thread, and I didn’t have a clue what it was. I’ll cheer for your team, but what kind of team is it? Is it football like we know in North America, or soccer? Or rugby? I know we have different terms for our sports, so I want to make sure I’m sending up a mental cheer for the right kind of sport. In Canada most of us are hockey nuts. I don’t imagine that is such a big sport for you in Australia. The pre-season is on right now, and the regular hockey season will start in about a week. I can hardly wait. I’m a fan of one of the Canadian teams, and game night (on the television of course) is a big deal for me. Nothing is allowed to interfere!
Have a great weekend, I’m proud of you.Sure, I go away for a teeny bit of time, and you reach your 100 milestone! A belated congratulations my dear, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person! I enjoyed your re-telling of your evening with your friends. It makes me think that the Kathryn from 120 days ago wouldn’t have enjoyed herself so much, been so free and happy. Non-gambling has opened the door to let Kathryn shine again!
The only thing I can’t congratulate you on is the weight loss. That’s because I’m a sourpuss and have not go my plans to do the same off the ground! Really, if you do any more self-improvement, I’m going to end up hating you! lol Not true, I will use you as inspiration. Seriously, great job K. Relax and recover this weekend. You certainly deserve it.Happy birthday a day late! I’m not as talented as Nancy, so I can’t send you a fancy card, but I do with the very best for you this year. Think back to you last birthday, you probably blew out your candles and wished for a really big jackpot. Today you can blow out your candles, and wish for health, peace, contentment (and an eensy-beensy bit of bling!). You are doing so great K, cheers to you from that other British colony (Canada) lol!!!
Well, happy birthday and a happy 3 month anniversary! Lots to celebrate in your world. I’m pleased to see that you are relaxing…one thing most of us have never learned is to allow R & R time when we need it. I looked with some yearning in my eyes today at my bed…I could definitely use a good lay-in. I’m trying a sleeping pill now, just desperate to get some uninterrupted sleep. I need to allow myself some time to get back to routine again after that wild August. I’m off on a business trip next week, so I’ll have to snatch what rest I can. Anyways, hope you got your dress on the second go-round. Enjoy your celebration days!
Hi K…first of all, I can imagine you will look very gorgeous in your wedding finery. It’s fun being a girl sometimes, isn’t it? After years of being a pretty plain jane in the way I dressed, I am starting to actually look at real outfits, putting things together, adding jewellry and scarves. Kind of fun…I’ve even actually looked at shoes with heels and pointy toes!
Just wanted to comment on your thoughts about the drama, and how it resembled a gambling "buzz". Think about gambling in terms of the chemical release that you get, and the adrenalin surge that occurs. I think that is why we are compulsive, we keep looking for a greater and greater buzz. When you do anything that creates a chemical rush (exercising, any kind of drama) you are indeed replicating the physiology, or brain chemistry, of gambling. When there is no longer that surge, you actually miss it. If you want to give it to your body in a healthy way, go for a brisk walk, or dance around your living room.
You also have to allow yourself some time to recover from the severe emotional trauma that occurred because of this incident. Be kind to yourself Kathryn…you are a stand-up gal, you kept your family together through this difficult period, and you deserve time to rest.Whew! You can climb off the rollercoaster now. I too feel sorry for the girl, but can’t imagine why her mother put everyone through this if she didn’t know for sure. I hope you and Dames get to have a good talk now, I’m sure his emotions are running everywhere. And through it all…little Kat didn’t gamble! You are fabulous girl. Once your breathing returns to a regular schedule (lol) then I’m sure you’ll get on the with the business of living a gamble-free life. Way more fun "out here" than in the casino.
Kathryn…good morning! Just catching up on your thread and note that there has been no resolution to the saga yet. I can’t imagine how you are holding up under this pressure. If you are able to remain gamble-free through this, there isn’t anything you can’t handle. I won’t offer an opinion, just my warm thoughts and a cross-universe hug!
Hey, I love rollercoasters too! I want to climb on with all of you. Like Meg says, I’ll throw my arms up in the air and just go with the ride. Oh, once I talked my ex-husband into going on one (he hates rides), and the little car chugged to the top of the first hill…..and stopped. We were stuck there for five minutes. At which point it was a good thing it started going again, because one of us was going over the side if it didn’t. He kept saying "are you happy now? are you?" and I kept saying shut up. I love rollercoasters, but I hate heights.
Stay strong my girl. Life will bring what it brings. Just throw your arms up and embrace the ride!So glad the monobrow has now been tamed. Just wait for menopause…hair sprouts where no hair should be. Sorry guys, don’t read the trials and tribulations of being a woman. Just skip this post and go back to wondering why women don’t like guys with socks and sandals. I have tried being at one with all of my “gifts” (extra hair and skin, wrinkles as deep as a topographical map, body parts moving slowly south) but I just can’t give up on trying to lighten, wax, tighten or erase.
Maybe we need to open a GT beauty advise section! We’ll be so busy plucking and pushing that we won’t have time to gamble! lol Glad to see that you are doing so well K, I love to see your sense of humor coming to the forefront!Hi Kathryn…just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you as you and Dames await the results of the paternity test. I can only imagine the turmoil…and you have been incredibly strong throughout this trial and I know you will remain so. Find a reason to laugh and enjoy your life…even if it takes YouTube to do it! If you laughed at that, go back to YouTube and type in Dutch Testicles. I laughed until I thought I would pee my pants! Strange sense of humor I have. Anyways, you are doing so well, I’m proud of you and I know your family is glad to have "Kathryn" back.
Just catching up on the Fester saga (lol). That name just makes me smile, although I know the situation is far from funny. I know what an agonizing time this must be. It has upset your world, regardless of the results. I have a suggestion…don’t know whether it will help or not. I am not a particularly great communicator in intimate relationships – and when my ex and I were going through a stressful time, I suggested that we keep a journal together. I would write what I was feeling, and he would as well. No judgement, just our thoughts laid out for each other to see. It worked out very well, we actually kept it for a couple of years. It may not have solved the real issue (poor communication), but at least we were on the "same page" as it were. You, Dames and Brea are in my thoughts Kathryn, because I believe there is so much love there.
Good morning Kathryn…well, it’s morning here! Just browsing the site, and saw this post from you. I think the efforts we make to differentiate the "gambling us" from the "non-gambling us" are interesting. Like you, I have a story that is riddled with behavior I am ashamed of, lies I can’t believe I told, a secretive life that no one was allowed in to. I have come to think that perhaps our behavior is simply on a continuum, and that each one of us is capable of good and evil. Well, evil is a strong word, but "bad" doesn’t seem to cover it. We really can’t chop our life up into neat segments – the person that was, and the person that is. And so we must always shape our environment and our thoughts to ensure that the "bad" behavior is not expressed. Given free rein – no end of money, no commitments, no responsibilities – I can’t tell you for sure what I would be doing right now. Maybe I would be indulging in all the "bad" things, and maybe I wouldn’t. But all of those behaviors and thoughts are within me, I can only choose to exercise the ones that bring me happiness. That means that I am concentrating on the "good" side of the continuum. I just believe that we can only really understand ourselves if we look at our past and present as a whole.
The neat thing is that once you gain distance from your compulsive behavior, you are actually able to start having this exploration within yourself. You can look at the continuum of your behavior, and make rational choices about how you want to live. You are doing so well, you are justly proud of yourself. I think my magic number today is 169, and I can tell you for sure that 170 days ago I could not know that my life would be as good as it is today. Very simply, because I got up for 169 days and said "today I will not gamble". The simple act – the profound outcome. Keep going strong girl, you deserve a life well lived.Holy smokes! I missed a few days, and logged on to find this bombshell. I’ve read and re-read the posts about your current situation. I do not want to cause you any distress beyond what you are currently feeling, but I do want to post my thoughts. First of all, please remember that all of us offer our support through our own eyes and experiences. It often colors how we respond, how we see a situation. No one has exactly your experience, and so comments may be a little off base. If that is the case with my post, please know that I do not intend to hurt you.
When I read the story, I see two very strong things. One, the affair happened at a time when you were not together with your husband, and you do not in fact blame him for this situation. Secondly, this woman is now married. Your fears seem to be that hubby will walk into a situation, see doves fly and angels sing, and run away to have a wonderful "family" life with this woman and the girl. In fact, your fear is that this will happen the moment the door opens. But here are some things that you don’t know yet:
When the door opens, will the woman and her husband be standing there? Do they have a strong relationship? Why did she keep the child a secret? Has he always known the child wasn’t his? Has the child always known this man wasn’t her father? How long have they been married? Was the child raised as theirs? Would the woman have been content to keep this a secret all of her life except that her child needs to know who her father is? Does the child have medical issues where it is important for her and her family to understand your husband’s background? Have the family been through many things to get to this stage? Have they had long late night conversations about what the "right" thing to do was? Have they been to counselling? Are they prepared for the impact of this meeting? Is she an only child, and wants desperately to have a sibling (Brea)?
You are feeling tremendously threatened right now. That is evident in your description of the child’s mother as a slut. You obsess about what she looks like. I understand that when you feel so out of control, you need to focus your anger and anxiety on a target. But you don’t know what this woman went through 15 years ago. Perhaps she let your husband go because she knew his heart lay with you and your daughter. Perhaps it was a one night stand, and she had many…and truly did not know who the father was. Perhaps she was ashamed of the liaison. Did she have to tell her parents and friends…was she shunned, cut off, left to raise the child on her own? I am NOT trying to paint a sympathetic portrait of her, I am just trying to point out that right now you have only the bare facts – there is a child that was likely fathered by your husband.
Finally, I want to comment about your husband and your daughter. I am glad to see that you and your husband are discussing this, and you must be very proud of the maturity your daughter is showing. If you strip everything away Kathryn, what do you really fear? Losing your husband? Sharing your husband? Being cut out of a life of laughter and merriment that your husband and daughter will share with this child (at least in your imagination?) A wise friend once told me that if I can’t change my reality, I must change my perception, because that is the only thing I can control. What if you thought about welcoming this child into YOUR family. About what she might bring to you, your husband and your daughter? There is room in your heart for many, perhaps there is room for her too. You have shown repeatedly on this site that you are a lovely, humorous woman who has so much to offer others.
I will think about your tomorrow Kathryn, and I will also think about a 15 year old girl who won’t sleep tonight, so great her anxiety and fear about meeting her biological parent. I will think about your husband, anguished over this turn of events. I will think about your daughter, wondering if she has to share her father now. I will think about the mother, wanting nothing but her daughter’s happiness. I will think of you all Kathryn. Mostly I will send up a prayer that there be kindness, acceptance and love in everyone’s heart for the sake of the girl.Just reading through your thread Kathryn, and I’m so happy that you are finding is possible to enjoy life. I’ve been on this site for about 8 months now, and one thing I see is that if we let regret keep us down, we are still letting gambling control our lives. Shame, regret and fear are the three negative emotions that attract negative energy. You know, we’ve done things we are not proud of, treated others in a poor way, lost material things along the way. But we didn’t kill anyone, we just got lost to a disease for a while. In a way, I see finding this site as my re-birth. The chance to become again a person I thought was lost forever. So scream your lungs out at a game, laugh until you wet yourself, embrace the day and the people who surround you. Recovery is hard, but it’s a little miracle too. Stay strong girl, life on the recovery road is fun!
Exactly! When I try to post about my days, I wonder how I found time to gamble. Because gambling isn’t just the act of sitting on my ever-expanding butt, mindlessly pressing a germ-filled button. It is scrambling to find money, short-cutting all of the "mandatory" things (like work or laundry), post-gamble scrambling to cover up the money you borrowed and lost, and now can’t pay back. It’s calling bill collectors (or avoiding them), trying to decide if you will get evicted if you don’t pay your rent on time again, or lose your car because you haven’t made a payment in two months. It’s making up lies to your family and friends about where you have been, it’s spending hours in quiet desperation, wondering if today should be your last day on earth.
Now I find that the days aren’t long enough, there is so much to do! There is so much life to LIVE. I don’t know whether positive things started happening after I stopped gambling, or whether I didn’t allow anything positive to happen while I was gambling. But I am in love with my life right now. Sure, things could be better, but they are still good enough. The "better" part is what I strive for, while not losing sight of the fact that I need to live in the present. I lost enough time to gambling, I don’t want to lose any more to regret. Glad to see that your 17 days have arrived, you really are doing great (and sorry for not posting more to you earlier, just too busy!lol).