[marcusmaximus]

Day 108
Absolutely true Kin. Thank you so much for your message. I take each day in turn and will always have to now.
One slip takes me back to zero, takes me back to the downward spiral. This affects my mood, my relationships. It wastes my time and my finances.
Right now I am developing positive routines. More quality time with my partner, with family and friends. Exercise and other interests.
I guess for me a real structure to my life is needed. I have been disciplined in my life before but once I slip I fall far. Gambling, drinking too much and smoking.
The structure I need to develop needs to have some flexibility though. I can’t get obsessive about stuff, if something goes wrong I need to be able to dewl with it better and hit a reset button much sooner.
I am reaching depths of my psyche that I haven’t ever done before. Learning to live my life in a better way.
Yes, I really wish I had done some real deep thinking before but it’s ok I am doing it now. Before it really gets too late.
I want to do more positive things and feel good about that, get the “buzz” from being positive, being “clean”, really enjoying simple pleasures.
More things that involve laughter, proper laughter I mean. Did I ever really laugh when I was gambling? I don’t think so. Maybe there were like sarcastic, “I don’t believe it” type laughs. Nearly always it wasn’t actually enjoyable, just a nerve wracking experience. I don”t need that in my life anymore. I don’t need to chase dreams, I need to be happy with what I do have.
Things are changing for me, yes slowly, but I am getting there. I am moving away from where I was before.
No more chasing fantasies, no more being reckless.
One day at a time. Be strong all and keep working towards a better life.

[marcusmaximus]

Hope you are doing OK CraigMac. Keep up the good work and stay strong.

[marcusmaximus]

I wish you well on your journey Dark Energy. Keep up the good work.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 101
Thank you so much for the messages of support there CraigMac and Dark Energy.
So passed the 100 day mark. A bit of a milestone but guarding against any complacency.
I feel drained and tired but by getting myself in better routines again hopefully my energy will return.
Every day is a new day. To do more positive things, not fall into the old traps.
Some points I would like to make though. If I can do 100 days then anyone can. So keep going all. From a pit of despair I am slowly rebuilding things. I am not going back to where I was. I can do that if I don”t gamble.
If I can do 100 days I can do another 100 days and so on.
Whilst I will always need to take every day in turn, each day I need to keep my guard up. Setting things to work towards will help me.
Shorter term goals are fully concentrating on the relationships in my life. Rebuilding my finances by saving money by being more frugal. Eating healthy, giving up smoking, drinking alcohol in real moderation. Developing a much wider range of interests to occupy myself. Not to divert my obsessions into just one thing, because what happens if I get bored of that, or have to stop doing it? Not to be so hard on myself, sometimes life doesn’t pan out as we would like, sometimes things aren’t perfect. I need to let some things go. Not react negatively – gambling, drinking, smoking!
Maybe in a year or so those things I can be more confident with. Confident but not complacent, to have a good balance in my life.
Longer term I want to look back and say what happened was the real motivation to sort my behaviours and attitude to life out. The motivation to seek inner peace and happiness. I don’t know when and if that will come but that is what I strive for now.
I feel now that the path I was walking is a wider track. I have more confidence to follow it. It is going in the right direction. I am not leaving this track now and I am not going to look back so much. I am going to seek support at times, I am not doing it all on my own.
It is going to be a long journey but I believe it is ACHIEVABLE, it is REALISTIC for me to do this.
Best wishes all, day by day, be strong, be positive,
There is a story about 2 wolves that are inside us, a good and an evil wolf, there is a fight, the wolf that wins is the one we feed.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 96
Getting more level headed now, Knowing more about what I have to do to tackle addiction.
To break free from my addictive, compulsive nature once and for all.
Traded smoking for vaping, now to quit completely. I will feel better for that and save money.
Drink socially ONLY now. Be in control more. Feel better for that and save money.
Use the money saved to pay off the debt I built up. That would be positive.
No more beating myself up. It happened. Now I want to live a good life.
Yes, maybe some of my carefree way of doing things will go. The reckless, excitement seeker will go.
The guy who gambled to escape life needs to go. Replaced by someone who takes life for what it is and turns obstacles into challenges.
Maybe I will find things boring? But I tell you what. I would trade boring everyday for being in a gambling storm.
I trade carefree for responsible. Reckless, excitement seeker for knowing when I can enjoy myself – at the right times with the right people. Trade excitement for simple pleasures.
The fog is lifting, the route ahead looks clearer. Day by day, stay on the path. Don’t deviate, regather my strength, get stronger still, develop my way of thinking.
Be strong, stay strong all. There is a path to follow for all of us. Best wishes.

[marcusmaximus]

Hey njchoppers
You are not alone. Everybody on here is going through similar feelings to you.
You have made the best first step ever by posting on here.
Use all the support you can get. Get Gamban on all the devices you use, exclude yourself from any casinos, betting shops etc.
You will need those barriers when urges come.
Attend GA, use the support groups on here to get advice.
It is very hard to quit gambling for sure. Like any addiction it has us in its grip. We have to loosen that grip. Then stay away from it. It can be done, there is a much better life out there.
Another good bit of advice I picked up from other people on here is to just take things day by day. Tell yourself you will not gamble, try and recognise the triggers and find other things to occupy your mind.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, just that us gamblers seem to keep making the same mistakes!
So be really committed now. You will need to be 100 % wanting this to be the time to quit.You can do it.
You mentioned on my thread about venting. So go right ahead, feel free to go for it. Get your feelings out there. I might not respond for a day or two but others may well support you too.
Take care of yourself too. Get some rest, eat regular meals, that sort of stuff.
Be strong, there is a way through this. Best wishes.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
Good work in your recovery buddy. You sound very positive about kicking this addiction into touch.
Keep doing the right things, will be looking forward to your next post. Support and best wishes to you.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi Don
Thanks for your message on my thread. Yes, we are all “in the same boat”.
Struggling over control of our thoughts and actions. Struggling over letting go of what has been lost.
Struggling over thoughts of “the big win”.
We have to try and take control of a life WITHOUT gambling.
I have finally admitted to myself that gambling has won. It has got the better of me, no doubt. I am incapable of controlling myself in that environment.
I am an addict and always will be. I am ‘wired up” that way.
Now I am committed to stopping. For my mental and physical health, for my loved ones, for my future.
I have excluded myself as far as possible from all forms of gambling. This has helped no end, as when those urges start to take shape I know I can’t gamble.
This is kind of buying me time to try and get my thoughts in order. To renew old interests, take up some newer interests. To prepare for that life out there without gambling.
Thoughts of what I have lost will hopefully ease over time. Especially if I can become a better man for the whole experience.
At the end of your last post you mentioned you guess it isn’t possible to enjoy gambling as you are an addict.
That is true. It is IMPOSSIBLE. This is one of the first things we must realise and FULLY admit to.
It isn’t easy and never will be. But lots of things in life we have to work hard to get.
I have found taking things day by day that I am forming a new, maintainable mindset. I will not gamble today.
All the best buddy, be strong and stay strong. Keep posting.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 89
Still going. Still have bad days, remorse of course. That will always be there but use it as a reminder of the damage that gambling causes. ALWAYS.
Cut right back on smoking and drinking. Feel better about that.
When I feel bad about myself I have always smoked and drank more. Often triggered by gambling.
Got to find ways to deal with this. Have a much different mindset. Control my actions. Stay positive.
I am definitely feeling like I am back to square one. Back to the start. I have played snakes and ladders and slipped right back to the bottom level.
I can work my way back up. Set myself rules to live my life by and not waver and be weak. Avoid the snakes that have haunted me.
Working on things day by day but can see I am approaching 100 days. That would be an achievement but not something to be complacent about or celebrate. But hopefully I can learn to start to feel good about being “clean”.
I know I need to keep changing for the better. Learn to let it go, move on, be a better man for what has happened.
At 100 days I will set some short term and longer term goals for myself. Use it as a marker to clear the daze in my head.
Learn to take each day in turn but have a clear picture of where I want to be.
To take control and not let other things control me.
Day by day, tread the good path, stay strong. Best wishes to all.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac, lizzy, kin

Thanks for your posts. I can sense we are all the same journey. We are on here because we want to stop gambling.
It is good to know that others are going through the same thoughts and have had similar experiences.
Kin, you have said to me before on this thread that everyday we are all at the same starting point, we must not gamble today. I have followed that and it has helped me so much in my recovery. Other stories like the monkey and the banana – where the monkey is trapped because it won’t let go of the banana – have inspired me greatly. I have a little monkey on my keyring now to remind me. I thank you and wish you well on your journey.
lizzy, stay strong and stay committed to the reasons to stop gambling. We are so much better off without it. Each day is a new day on the path to recovery and as you say to regain our sanity. Rediscover the things that make you happy inside and keep you grounded. Hugs to you too.
CraigMac, you don’t have to apologise for ranting! What you said makes a lot of sense. I believe the greatest success CAN come from the worst of times.
Let’s make the most of everyday. Gamble free, with clearer minds, focus on the important things in our lives.
Have no more regrets only positive memories.
As a gambler sometimes, well quite often, I would have a losing bet, then wager more on my next bet to make up for it and so on and so on. You maybe know how that story goes.
Can we kind of use that mentality now? We have had losing bets but instead of continuing to up the stakes we are going to invest the next bet on ourselves to make up for it. Make up for it by overcoming the gambling addiction. To create a better version of ourselves. Do things we never did before. To really listen to and care for others that we couldn’t do before because we were distracted most of the time. To take in each day, live in the moment. Learn to be just glad to be alive, REALLY just appreciate simple things.
I have had times before, when I have been gamble free, when I have appreciated those around me and life in general. They were good times. But soon enough I have been drawn back into my inner world of gambling. Of the “just a fun bet’, or for the thrill of the chase.
This time I have to keep to the path. Never deviate, stay strong when the urges come. I like your saying “I will not gamble today as it impacts my life negatively”.
Too many times I have gambled before and ignored the consequences.
There has to be a new version of us. A rebirth if you like, a new chapter. It uses all our experiences – both positive and negative – to create the best version of ourselves.
What has happened has happened. There is a saying that things happen for a reason. Yes, unfortunately we have had a real kicking to reach this point. But now is the time for change. All the best buddy.
Day by day, it can be done, stay strong, stay positive. I look forward to hearing about all your journeys. All the best wishes.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
Glad my post helped you. Guess that is what it is all about on here. That reading other posts and online chats can definitely help us to stop. I have found inspiration from that.
About letting go. That is hard for sure. I guess I will always carry a scar from gambling.
I am trying to tell myself I will need to learn to live with that scar. Tell myself I got scammed, blew the money on a reckless purchase. It happens.
What happened has gone now. I will not get the money and time wasted back. But what I can do is to live a better life now.
Yes. Not being too hard on ourselves is important. We got sucked in. It happens to some people, usually addicts of course. We can break the cycle. Then maintain what we do using the day by day mantras.
If I continue to gamble the same things are going to keep happening.
Invest my time into positive things. Relationships, personal interests, etc.
Imagine fulfilling our real potential. As gamblers we are going through life so distracted by our own thoughts. So if we could get rid of that imagine who we could really become.
Ultimately in the future I would want to look back at this time and think. Yes it was a terrible time, but I found a way through and now I am a much better person for that experience.
This time I am totally committed to stop. I have put all the barriers I can in place and will always need those barriers. I recognise the triggers so much more and try and find other things to do.
Yes, I find myself staring into space sometimes wondering what have I done but I then try and use positive self talk to come round. I can be a better person for what has happened.
All the best. Keep going day by day. No more gambling. Repeat, stay strong.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 80
Starting to get some positive things going. Returned to doing physical exercise, other old hobbies I neglected, doing more tasks around the house, cooking decent food.
Simple things to take my mind, my actions away from gambling.
Feeling more positive that I can change and STAY changed this time.
Learning to take things day by day. Each day I am more aware of trigger points.
For example today was a tough old day at work. Previously I would have come home, surfed the internet for 5 minutes but would have ended up playing roulette.
So today I am posting on here then will find something positive to do.
It’s not easy and I guess things never really will be easy but by repeating mantras like “today I will not gamble” and “I can’t change the past but I can change the future” do help.
I am feeling that reaching 80 days is a bit of an achievement but I so know one slip takes me back to zero.
I am a gambling addict, I am in recovery, the path ahead is long but achievable in small steps.
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
All the best everybody, stay strong.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
I read your posts. I feel a similar way that it is very hard to let go for sure, but we must otherwise gambling will drag us further down.
We must recognise the triggers, try and deal with them in other ways. Try and find positive distractions to stop your thoughts leading to gambling.
The things I have found most useful so far are putting a gambling block on my phone, excluding myself from bookmaker shops and I have also blocked my bank card from gambling transactions. So if I have an urge there is a barrier to stop me.
Getting on the chat rooms here helps sort your mindset out too.
Good luck buddy. Tell yourself you can do this.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 73
Feel good that I managed to get through the Epsom Derby weekend gamble free. I was tempted for sure and found myself on my phone flicking through sports pages. I stayed strong and found other things to do.
Sometimes I still find myself staring into space thinking what have I done, how did I manage to be so stupid?
Thoughts still torment me that I should be so much better off if I had never gambled.
Bottom line is that gambling had a big hold on me. A hold I couldn’t break without help.
I gambled when I looked for excitement, when I felt low, when something had happened that wound me up.
Now I need to deal with those times in a better way. Do things that make me feel better. Do more things for others, go for a walk, do exercise, learn something new, meet or phone someone, post on here, feel good about gamble free days. Learn to just have a bit of time to relax away from distractions. I need to be less hard on myself at times.
To be fully aware, always, my thoughts about gambling are the start of a slippery slope.
Finally learn that gambling is not an answer to anything. It doesn’t help, it only makes things even worse.
I feel I have 2 clear choices:
1. Continue gambling, waste more money and time, have a poor state of mind.
2. Stay away from gambling, rebuild myself and my finances. Have a better state of mind and be the best version of myself.
I will take choice 2. Good luck if you read my post, take care of yourself.

[marcusmaximus]

Day 65
Checking in. Know what I have to do so got to get on and do it.
Sunny weather has helped and been outside in the fresh air a lot.
This has helped me with the those times when I fiddle about on my phone and have been drawn towards temptation. Might not have been as the same if I spent more time indoors.
I know that when I get a bit bored, a bit complacent that leads to trouble. I know that if I am looking for a rush then gambling is NOT the answer.
Looking to Live my life and find other things to fill my time, learn the times when I just need to chill out. Recognise that even if I feel a bit bored it is better than blowing loads of money!
Gambling is not living, it is more the opposite, it sucks life out of you.
65 days done, keep going, repeat the mindset each day. I will not gamble.

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