[marcusmaximus]

Keep going Dark Energy, I guess nothing worth having comes easy, you can succeed if you can put your mind to it.

[marcusmaximus]

Thanks for your message Dark Energy.
Another week goes by. Time is moving fast. I can’t believe it is September.
Makes me think that time is SO precious. I really don’t want to lose any more time gambling.
It’s not just the gambling either, it’s the hours, days, weeks, months that I feel bad for after a gambling relapse.
I am starting to choose fulfilling activities again, exercising and socialising for example instead of making excuses to hide away in my own little gambling world.
Hopefully I am starting to finally change for the better. Need to stay on track, stay strong and focussed.
Ultimately it’s down to me. Hopefully I can live an OK life from here. If I mess up again life won’t be OK. Fact.
Take care if you read this post. One day at a time.

[marcusmaximus]

Agreed Dark Energy, money loses it’s value when we gamble. It is about “the action”, the false hope.
Especially if we gamble online as we are not handling actual bundles of notes !
It is pretty depressing to think in terms of handing over bundles of money to gambling companies but that is what I have done and I guess many others.
I now try and use that thought to keep me focussed. Why would I hand over a bundle of my money to a ruthless gambling operator???
One day at a time, stay gamble free.

[marcusmaximus]

Got back from 2 weeks away on a camping trip. Was great to be in the outdoors. Do lots of walking, swimming in the sea. Felt like I have reconnected to things that are positive and beneficial.
Quit smoking, I took a vape that ran out after a few days. When you are staying on a campsite miles from the nearest shop then you kind of deal with it. Yeh, got back and have urges to smoke but going to try and stay strong there.
Been about 5 months gamble free now. It has been tough but I am definitely looking more forwards than backwards now.
To use the whole experience to create a better outlook on life.
A lot of things are in my control so I need to make the right choices.
If things happen that are out of my control I have to be accepting and deal with that positively.
I feel things are starting to click in moving forward. However, complacency has been my downfall in the past. I must be wary of that.
Best wishes all.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi Dark Energy
You will get days when you feel overwhelmed for sure. All the what ifs? Could have beens? How to get out of this mess?
Recovery is very much getting from day to day, taking small steps.
We are never going to fix everything all at once, it’s impossible !! I think we can start to make small changes and just keep on at improving ourselves.
It may take months or years but
there is no point in looking back. I have really struggled with that one. But what is gone is gone. Now is a good time to quit forever and to look at making some positive changes where we can.
The longer we spend in the cycle of gambling – recovery – gambling – recovery the more of life we are wasting. I have finally understood that.
You can do it!

[marcusmaximus]

No problem Kin. You take it easy on yourself.
I am on holiday from work at the moment and have decided to head off on a camping trip with my partner for a couple of weeks.
Looking forward to spending time with her and being out in the open air come rain or shine.
Also thinking about using some of the time to try and “reinvent” myself a little.
Keep what were good chararacteristics but try to rid myself of the bad characteristics such as easily distracted, easily led by the bright lights of gambling, complacent, greedy … maybe you get the picture.
Just been looking at Kin’s post about remaining focussed and positive. So thank you Kin. I want to return after 2 weeks with a very focussed and positive mindset as to leading the rest of my life in a good way.
Take care all.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi Don
Thanks for your post.
Yes, I think the way out revolves around self discipline.
I can show self discipline and patience in some areas of life.
However with gambling I cannot, one bet leads to another. I cannot just walk away.
So to not have that first bet is so important. To be strong and say no, be fully aware of the consequences and not be complacent, to find something else to distract our thoughts.
It’s a bit crazy, we are the masters of our own downfall. But we can be the masters of our recovery and regrowth.
Take care all.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
I know what you mean when you start getting urges for some betting action.
We can be “sober” for a while. Like you said, maybe a month or so but then we get bored. We seek the dopamine rush, the thrill of the chase, chancing a big bet, or playing at big odds. Maybe and foolishly it’s chasing a feeling of being alive.
What I have found has helped is that as soon as I get the urges I have to find something else to do. Not to sit there letting my mind have conflicting thoughts. Even going to have a cold shower!!
The urges will always come and go I guess. I try and avoid reading about sport like I used to as it draws me into thinking about gambling. I will still watch some sport but I tune in at the last minute before the game now.
There probably isn”t anything else quite like gambling for the roller coaster of emotions it can produce. The emotions that strangely make us addicts.
So ultimately it is very tough to stop. We have to override the thoughts of gambling, keep doing other more positive things with our time.
Focus on the things that really matter and help us to REALLY feel alive. Our family and friends, being out in the fresh air, swimming in the sea or in a lake. Simple things that cost nothing.
Gambling is not something that makes is feel alive, infact it is quite the opposite.
You got to really want to quit, 100%. If half of one per cent of you doesn’t want to quit, or is just thinking “maybe” then it’s no good.
Sorry if that had laid things on a bit thick my friend but that way of thinking has helped me so far.
Stay strong, one day at a time.

[marcusmaximus]

Key things to focus on:
Mindfulness
Health is wealth
Self discipline

To take in what is around me without judgement.
Live in the moment, to try and have 5/10 minutes everyday free of distractions.
Look after my lifestyle and diet. This definitely helps with productivity and decision making. When I feel healthy, physically and mentally I feel so much better.
It is impossible to feel healthy as a compulsive gambler. We are distracted mentally and we neglect our physical condition.
Focus on my self discipline. Learn to be more assertive, learn to say no to some things.
I can be in control of my own destiny.
If I gamble then gambling controls me, my decision making, my lifestyle, my mental health, my physical health, my productivity.
Just one bet would allow gambling to start controlling me again.
No thanks. Take care all.

[marcusmaximus]

I am not counting the days any more. Everyday is a new day, bringing new challenges. That is how I am looking at it.
Maybe if I keep on the road to recovery I might be able to look back and say that’s about 6 months done. We will see.
It is so easy to relapse as I have seen in other posts. I have relapsed many times. It is when I get complacent, when I have a bit of money in my account that are very dangerous times for me.
This time I am trying to do things differently. Learn from all my previous mistakes.
Life is better without gambling. Stay strong.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
Forgive yourself the relapse. It is a hard road to recovery. It’s just another bump in the scheme of things.
You mentioned putting money in your sportsbook. Try and make it basically impossible for you to gamble any more.
From what you have said in your posts I believe you want to stop buddy. You can do it. Stay strong, stay committed. Best wishes.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi Don
From my experiences I think the cravings are very strong in the first few weeks. Combined with the feelings of guilt, stupidity etc it is a terrible time.
After that the feelings, urges come more in waves. I think it is about learning to distract ourselves with positive thoughts and actions when we get those feelings that is vital.
I guess we will always get the urges, it is the way we are wired up.
Over the years I have had many a relapse. It is when I forget about the pain gambling can cause, when I relax a bit and get complacent that is REALLY dangerous.
For me now I think about “living with the scar”. Remembering on a daily basis that I won’t gamble today. Remembering that feeling of hurt.
So I don’t think things will ever be easy really. That is pretty hard to think about at times.
I believe things can get better for sure but the guard always has to up.
I have decided I would rather lead a more sober life and not get caught up in the spin cycle of gambling.
That is what I want to commit to. I tell myself nothing in life really comes easy.
Best wishes, it is tough to break any addiction and to keep away from it. If you are 100% committed I believe it can be done.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac
Like you I have struggled for many years with an addictive personality.
What I have lost is huge, but I am recognising a point where I don’t want to lose any more.
What is gone is gone. Now is the time to “fight back”. Not by gambling but by living a more fulfilling life.
To be able to look back one day and say what I went through changed me as a person for the better is something to fight for.
Best wishes. You are doing great.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi CraigMac and Kin
Thanks for your posts. Best wishes to you both and anybody else who is fighting a gambling addiction.
We are all in this together, one day at a time, no one is leading, as I believe you have said Kin “everyday we start at the same point”. That is what we need to remember. Keep taking small steps, be aware of the triggers and CHOOSE other things to do.
It is in our control, if we place the first bet we are not in control.
I had a good weekend thanks, spending time with my partner and family.
Thoughts about the destruction I caused in my latest gambling episode are slowly getting less. I am more focussed on the future.
At the moment I recognise I am in a position that could actually be far worse.
I have been careful with my spending over the last 3 months or so and also received a bit of money back from the taxman so I have paid off credit cards that I stacked up a fair bit when I emptied my bank account. I am not in debt like I have been before.
It is amazing how much further money goes when you don’t gamble and are a bit thrifty.
However I am more aware than ever that it is when I have money in my account that I am far more likely to get involved in gambling.
This time gamban is in place, I am keeping the block on my bank card, I will be putting money into a savings account when I can that I cannot access instantly.
I feel different this time, I am committed to quitting once and for all.
Before I was never FULLY committed I always thought one day I can go back and control things.
I can’t control gambling, it controls me. End of.
Time to bite the bullet. No more sports betting, no roulette.
There is a better life out there. Gambling does not make me a happy person, maybe for a while I feel the high, but then chasing the next high consumes me. Overall I am not taking life in, life is passing me by.
One day at a time, be strong, stay strong.

[marcusmaximus]

Hi Mutley
I get absolutely what you are going through. How are you doing? Please keep posting, it definitely helps in processing your thoughts.
It is a heck of a battle, but it is possible to live a life without gambling. Others are doing it. We all have to find a way that works for us.
One of the best pieces of advice I have received is to just take things day by day. Tell yourself I will not gamble today. Then repeat the next day. Avoid certain situations or distract yourself when the urges come.
They do come for sure, I guess that is normal in recovery, our minds are almost programmed to gamble after years of “training”.
We have to try and break the cycle. Do other things and start to rebuild.
Yes we can put barriers in place. That is good it helps so much to stop us on our “devices”. But as you said temptation lurks at a day at the seaside.
Keep enough money in your pocket to only cover what you need for the day. Leave your card where you are staying or with someone else.
Think ahead to avoid the traps.
It is bad and troublesome to have to do these things I guess but our brains are so wired to seek that gambling buzz that it is just something we must always do now.
I admit to people I am a compulsive gambler now. I turn down invites to days at the races. Other places where I know opportunity my arise.
I would rather do this than go back to where I was.
You can do it mutley, day by day. You have stopped before. You can do it again, forgive yourself that you have slipped. That is so important, I am learning to not be so hard on myself.
We are always learning how to do things better. I guess some of us need more attempts to stop than others. I certainly do! This time, believe you can do it. Stay committed. Best wishes to you.

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