[manjikot]

Day 64.

Today was the first day I really felt the urge to gamble since my decision to stop.

I love watching tennis, especially now when it’s a Grand Slam. In the past I also love to gamble on tennis so I did consider placing a bet. I did have the opportunity with some extra cash in hand. But yeah, I thought about my progress and didnt wanna ruin it so I put the money in a safe place.

[manjikot]

Yeah man, golden years wasted on gambling. Who knows what the future holds though, I’d like to believe the best is still to come. If you’ve been on the bottom and managed to get up, you hopefully appreciate things more. 

[manjikot]

You said:

“I am nothing but a liar”

That is 100 % not true. Gambling really is the devils trap, in my opinion it’s by far the worst addiction. You are sick, but you are not your disease. 

I think that is one of the worst things with gambling, you sort of became this obsessive animal acting on instinct under the spell/hypnosis that is gambling. Long enough in this state makes you forget who you were and you start thinking that this is who you are. It’s not. 

You are fighting this disease and that takes guts. Respect to you. You can do it, you are strong enough. Just take whatever measures you can take to prevent you from gambling, at all cost.

Wish you the best!

[manjikot]

Day 56

I’m still sober guys. No real urges at all. Still, I’m not letting down my guard. Dont want to get too comfortable, but I feel very confident.

It’s crazy once you have not gambled for a while and think about how obsessed and emotionally invested you were while gambling it’s hard to relate to yourself, feels like a different person. You really go crazy in the bottomless pit that is gambling.

All the best.

[manjikot]

Hey guys,

Still going strong. This is my day 36. I feel confident and strong but most of all grateful. Knowing where the gambling road ends for a lot of people keeps me motivated.

I just wanna say, it all comes down to will power. Yes, setting up barriers is vital of course to give you some time to reflect when the urge kicks in but if I really wanted to gamble like I used to I would easily find a way. There is always a way.

Did I have the urge to gamble? Hard to say, sure it did cross my mind at some point but I just felt too good and happy to want to spoil all my progress. In a sense not gambling is giving me a high and satisfaction that feels way better than gambling.

Guys I just want to say thanks for all the support. There are so many beautiful souls on this forun. So many kind words and so much support. It really makes me think you know, how people who been through some tough shit are the ones with the biggest hearts. Just have a look at your facebook feed and read the comments, so much hate and ridicule. So many unkind words and lack of empathy. This forum is the opposite. All I see here is love and it is a great reminder to myself that there are so many wonderful people out there.

None of you deserve all the shit that happened to you. Sometumes it just comes down to bad luck, life itself is a big gamble. We cant control the past but we have a saying about our future. Our pasts does not define us.

I’m gonna keep going and maybe, just maybe then I can inspire at least one person to do the same and that’s more than enough for me.

[manjikot]

Thanks man that’s really nice of you.

[manjikot]

Wow nice man. That’s really reassuring. Appreciate it, thanks.

I bet you worked hard for it though. You were forced to grow as a person and I guess that’s more important than anything – being willing to change. 

Congrats on your success.

[manjikot]

Hey guys, just want to give you a quick update:

This is my day 27 without gambling and I feel great. No strong urges yet.

Just want to share what has been some key factors for me so far.

• Connection and support. I told my wife about my struggle and asked her to read more about gambling addiction to understand it better.

• Apps like betblocker and gamban did nothing for me, they are way to easy to by pass. Instead my wife is total control of our finances. I am the bread winner in our family but still I had to let go of ego and pride and be real about my problem. So now it’s really hard for me to gamble even if I wanted to. And even if I did she would find out, that’s reason enough for me not to.

• Be sincere in your quest to stop gambling. Do you want to quit? I mean are you really ready to leave gambling behind? Or is quitting just a temporary fix and a way for you to feel better since you already lost it all? For me this was important, I decided to stop while I was ahead and still could gamble a lot if I wanted to.

• Be aware of your thoughts. I realised after so many failures that gambling itself was not the biggest problem. Gambling was my support when I had a fight with my wife, when I was feeling stressed or sad. when I needed to zoom out and forget. If I had money problems gambling was there to offer a solution. It was a coping mechanism, a way to escape reality when things got rough. I think the same mechanics are at play in any kind of addiction, for example drug abuse. We need to find alternate healthy ways to connect and find stress relief.

• This is a life sentence. Never leave your guard down. Don’t get too comfortable. It’s never over. I’m sure it gets easier but this addiction can strike any time and leave you broke in a matter of hours. Never forget the pain and misery.

I’m sorry if a come off or mr knowitall or wannabe gambling addiction expert – I’m not. I’ve had long stretches without gambling before, sometimes as long as a year, but I still relapsed. Today is only day 27 but yeah, I honestly wanted to stop this time. My failed attempts usually wasn’t even me trying to stop, I just lost all my money and forgot about it. This time I made active decision to stop, to really work on it. To take action to stay gambling free is different than just not gamble.

Anyways, I feel great guys. Also I’m more willing to spend money on the kids and wife for a lot of fun stuff nowadays because I feel I already saved so much from not gambling. I was never cheap really just very careful with spending. Not gambling makes me wanna enjoy my money on other things. Like I said before I make good money but gamblling always held me back. Now I can start setting up financial goals and feel confident abour them.

Thanks guys.

[manjikot]

So yeah I thought I should update you guys on my progress.

I managed to stay away from gambling for a few days after this post but then I got back into it. Gambled for a week, I manage to plus another 5k usd but then I lost it. But I managed to hit the breaks and I’m still ahead by a lot even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

The betblocker apps and such didn’t do it for me, those apps are easy to bypass.

But I did something that Im really proud of. I opened up to my wife about my struggle. It’s one thing to do this when you’ve lost it all and dont have any other option, but I managed to do it while I’m still ahead and my life and finances are in order. It feels great Im telling you guys. I asked her to read up on gambling addiction to get a better understanding.

I also gave her total control of our finances because I dont trust myself at the moment.

After our conversation I have not felt the urge to gamble and I feel more connected to my wife than ever. You cant put a price on that.

So yeah I guess the key is connection and communication.

I feel really hopeful, I have a well paid job, my finances are healthy and I dont have to worry about gambling.

This is my Day 7 and I feel awesome.

[manjikot]

Day 3: Like I said this is my first time quitting while I’m ahead and I have to say the urge is stronger than ever. Been thinking a lot about gambling and checking up on results I would have played if I was gambling. Even though I have a lot more money now than before my last episode started I still feel worse now. Is one of the withdrawal symptoms depression? Because I sure didn’t feel like this before I started to gamble last week. It’s like I’m very emotional and very easily irritated. If I didn’t have Betblocker installed on literally every device available I would have gambled for sure. I even considered buying a new cheap phone to be able to gamble. Sick huh? I’m not even chasing losses. Guess my mind really just loves the high. Anyways, I’m not giving in today but I’m telling you it’s not easy.

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