[mamyth]

Thank you so much for your comments Velvet …. They are not as hard as you may be think they are … Your reassurance about the “light bulb’ has made me feel so much better. I have accepted the situation as it is …. I have my hobbies (building dolls houses lol and others) I am trying to eat well and keep busy. The financial side is hard …. I carry on … I cannot give up on ‘us’ and I look to provide the rock for him when he is ready. My first marriage was to a man who became a narccicistic control freak lol …. 25 years was enough of that … I learnt a lot about my self during and after …. I have slowly found the strengths again and altho the situation is very different I am using knowledge gained about my self again … remembering maybe …. It is a hard row to hoe as they say , good days and sometimes not as good …. I am a very stubin person when I ‘need’ to be … I spoil my self to feel good ($2 shops great for that) and I am smiling about myself and my life .. I have always been a ‘cup half full’ person and find the positives where I can …. This …. lol one bloody giant learning curve …. jus great to have some understanding!!

[mamyth]

Thanks Velvet for your time and coments ….. knowing he had moved from a place that was very bad …. to a place where he is now working etc was such a relief for me that I wasnt even angry about him lieing to me about it …. I have txt him every night since I crawled out of the shock, emotional and physical that I first went through. A simple ‘good night I love you’ It was some thing we always did. He swore at me once about it I replyed that ‘The txt was not for you the gambler …..t but for my …..t’ . ( he could bar me from his ph or change the number … but hasent, so that in itself says something to me) I have a hope that it gives him something to hold on to in his darkest moments as it does for me. I have a friend that traveks to the place he is at and has met up with him … last time about 3 weeks ago …. apparently he always wants to ‘kno’ what is happening here … has said .yeah sure we could get back together easy, but it would only be a matter of time before it happened again’. He dosent say what ‘It’ is lol I asume he is talking about the gambling. Sometimes my txt include info about whats happening, what I have done, or friends. I hope, as I say it gives him a rope to hang on to. The friend is very honest and knows about the situation well … she feels he is still very confused. realises he has made bad choice, regrets this but simply does not know at this point what to do about it ….. even tho he is a long way away I hope that he will see my contacts as a form of support … as you say ‘ a rock’ I realise that unfortunately because of the way he sets things up it is highly unlikely that he will ever hit the bottom as they say and be arrested or what ever …. be forced to face his prob. Love is obviously not enough …. it is depressing but fact … I understand that he does love me but it is overidden by his gamb …. I still refuse to give up lol …. It is against every thing in me and I hang on to my gut feeling, my strength ….. In a weird way my trust in him ..

[mamyth]

I now know he Is safe, working, have no idea wether he is gambling or seeking any help ….I think it called escape gambling by some … I now realise he put stratigies in place to protect me and himself right from day one … ie no bills in his name, no access to my bank acc/no joint acc, transfer nearly all his money across to me .. debt not huge just not huge …but I am unemployed/benifit. He has never said he dosent love me …just that I am better off with out him … I do understand some of the self esteme issues as he has always put himself down .. I support, encourage to build him up …. I know I cannot fix it or him … I understand I need to look after myself and be positive about me …. thank you once again … telling it helps me put things into perpective …. I feel calm and strong , peacefull … just sooo tired … I realise I felt the fear I what I might cause … but I did it any way, for me .. I needed to reach out and touch him with the txt ..offer an opening I no he may or may not take up , no other real expection of him … I cant let his problem stop me from doing what I feel I need to do for me .. I have 2 friends who support me, the rest have vanished lol .. my family think Im nuts lol , councilor Gam anon is very supportive altho not here to talk alot ….

[mamyth]

Thank you Velvet just having a reply is great .. the story …
The suposed perfect relationship of six years 3 married … Iknew he had a gambling problem when I first met him … minor gambling ie weekly lotto, when we went to local pub on pokies. Then ‘wheels would fall off’ as he put it and he would empty his bank acc. Always paid bills first but anything left … gone.Never any fighting or violence in our relationship always working together, surportive very loving and close. Helping each other be safe enough and strong enough to work through any issues. Admitted to me he was ‘hopeless’ with money’ eventually admitting to me apenly he had a problem with his gambling. Aparently had drug addiction in his early life that he sort treatment for. Dec 2013/14 we ended up taking on a young guy (son of a very dear friend) who had got himself in trouble with the law and was on home detention. I didnt have a choice I do not lay blame for that. I do not deal with third party living with us … cg was mentoring, supporting etc giving kid what cg never got. I understood I felt left out, alone etc communication break down …. up to this point no major gambling probs … I dont think cg could understand where I was coming from … felt I pushing him away etc … started gambling, sneaking around, like a spiral … lost money saved for trip to my sons wedding, then part time wages all in about 2 weeks … I not scream hit roof … talk … I feel you need to do some thing constructive about this prob… he rang I heard him I was so proud …’I have a gambling prob and I need help’ … cg went to appmnt few days later .. all good apparently 4 days later ended up gambling again came home I calm, non judgemental … cg suddenly so angry, yelling … I said stop you need to ‘go’ calm down sober up … it was like his brain stopped at the word go , relationship over and he literly ran from house. Hid for 3 months to broke to gamble punishing self. At one point early on screamed at me that councilor had said he was not a prob gambler and I had a fixation. Managed to regain contact cg moving toward me emotionally. Oct I was getting support Gamb Anon I spoke to him about that and gave him number. Gambling counciler tryed to contact him he hit roof at her on ph and has cut off contact with me since … sori long winded … so here I am

[mamyth]

Having an anxiety attack ….. panic, fear …. of what? Just txtd him asking for talk about the bills …. that he will just ignore it …. not ready or able to deal with it … simply is moving away from whole situation and wants nothing more to do with any of it …. I need to do things for me too … offering him an opening is for him also for me too … there is so much I feel I don’t understand …. for me I need to understand, it gives me a kind of control over my situation. Angry? no for some reason that does’nt happen … just a deep sadness …

[Author]

Posts