[LSA]

Today was much easier. I’m getting used to my current situation. Well, I can’t live in the past so I have what I have.

The evening has been more challenging. If I had enough money I feel tempted to try again. But I’m not stupid, I would not play for 4000 euro…I would never win anything from that starting point….Anyway I don’t have enough money and I truly believes the temptation is gone long before I have saved enough to gamble again.

Overall it’s not as hard anymore. Of course I regret and think about it but not as much as the first 3 days. For the first time I got some urges today but I know they disappears soon and my life is much more important than money. I really don’t need money to be happy.

[LSA]

Thanks for feedback Seanraj. You are right. Your journal, besides some others, inspired me to do it now. You have come a long way in very few days.

I dreamt about gambling last night but today have been easier than yesterday. I haven’t thought too much about it but still feel sad about it all. Still feels I only did this because I was drunk.

My goal this week is to survive…I would like to take action NOW. Work for 16 hours a day or something to make it up but am not able to do that currently.

This week I get over the worst feelings and get an overview of my financial status and find things I want to change in my life. Next week I start to change my life. I change one small thing each week until I get the life I like.

[LSA]

Feels physical sick today…Sometimes it feels like my body is going to collapse.

My mind has been busy too. I feel ashamed. I’m happy I don’t have my own family, it would be too difficult to tell what I have done.

BUT it could be worse. I have my health, I can still pay for food and will survive. And this mistake have sparked something in me: Now I will change my life. It will take longer to change my life than to earn losses back but it’s important to take small steps everyday.

I hope and believe I will never gamble again. If I had withdrawn the money 16000 euro at the right time, I would have felt so good now but I just know I would have started playing again in 1 month or next year…So I can hardly regret my last losses…Just should have ended this long time ago.

[LSA]

Thanks for your support.
Have decided to stop gambling and change my life.
If I don’t change my life I will be here again in 6 months, when I have earned my losses back by hard work. And honestly I can’t see any point in earning any more money if I don’t really enjoy my everyday life…The small things in life.
I will post each day the next week and more rarely for a long time to remember this bad bad feeling I have today.

Day 1:
1. I have realized I have to change many things in my life…Otherwise I will gamble again…And it’s not really funny anymore.

2. Money is gone, hopefully I will earn new money some day but the old is gone, never had them, never will again.

3. I committed myself to this long term process. I’ll do it NOW!

[LSA]

Welcome

Well, don’t do as I did yesterday…Thought about stopping many times but didn’t. Don’t know what you play but I went from 16000 euro to 30 in an hour.

I lost 500…thought “i could have won more”, lost 3000 thought “i could have won more”, lost 8000 thought “i could have won more”, lost it all.

The feeling of “i could have won this amount” will only be many times worse when you lose your 5.8k..Please withdraw your money and enjoy them.

[LSA]

Я читал это несколько раз на этом сайте … Но … Ну, я сделал это … Я отыграл все это и даже больше, но я все испортил и потерял еще 7000 евро. Так глупо … Моя проблема (помимо азартных игр) в том, что я пью и играю одновременно … Так что не мог остановиться, я был королем. Думаю, я смогу отыграть его еще раз … Но это будет очень рискованно и сложно без дополнительных денег … И просто не хочу больше играть. Сегодня я понимаю, что дело не в деньгах. Мне скучно в жизни, мне немного одиноко, я не нашел своей цели в жизни, мне не очень нравится моя работа, много лет нет девушки, я ни в чем не разбираюсь … Я неудачник в жизнь и азартные игры. Вы действительно попали в точку, Стеев. Я не знаю, что мне делать с деньгами, если они вернутся. Согласен и с остальным. Я потерял слишком много, но был недоволен, когда у меня были деньги, поэтому они мне не особо помогли. Мне нужно изменить свою жизнь. Я не наслаждался своей жизнью годами …

[LSA]

I have read it several times on this site…But…
Well, I did it…I won it all back and actually more than that but I blew it all away and lost another 7000 euro. So stupid…
My problem (besides gambling) is that I drink and gamble at the same time…So could not stop, I was a king.

I think I could win it back once more…But it will be very risky and difficult without more cash….And just don’t want to play anymore.

Today I realize that it isn’t about money. I feel bored in life, I’m kind of lonely, haven’t really found my purpose in life, doesn’t really like my job, no girlfriend for many years, not really good at anything…I am a loser in life and gambling.

You really hit the nail on the head Steev. I hardly knows what to do with my money if I got it back. Agree with the other things too.

I lost too much but I was unhappy when I had the money so they didn’t really help me. I need to change my life. I haven’t enjoyed my life for years…

[LSA]

Спасибо за вашу поддержку … У меня рецидив … Вернусь, когда я все потеряю … Печально, но это так …

[LSA]

Thank you for all your support…Got a relapse…Will return when I lose it all…Sad but it’s how it is…

[LSA]

Сегодня кажется вполне разумным сыграть еще в одну игру. Что, если 2k станет 10k? Неужели каждый раз не везет? Желание такое сильное. Не знаю, сопротивляюсь ли я. Интересно, как мало меня волнуют мои прошлогодние проигрыши. Это забыто. Но я всегда думаю о своих недавних потерях. Пока я не верну то, что потерял, мне грустно и хочется преследовать.

[LSA]

Today it just seems like a reasonable idea to play one more game. What if 2k becomes 10k? Can one be unlucky every time? The urge is so strong. Do not know whether I will resist it. It’s interesting how little I care about my losses last year. It’s forgotten. But it’s always my recent losses I think about. Until I have earned back what I lost, I feel sad and want to chase.

[LSA]

Я всегда терял свои деньги в конце … Но (в основном) только небольшие суммы, пока я не потерял 10 000 евро за месяц в прошлом году (и 3 000 за несколько месяцев до этого). Было весело, но я бы предпочел путешествовать по миру или еще что-нибудь. Решил больше никогда не играть … Но в июне играл однажды вечером. Выиграли немного, вроде 40 евро или около того. В октябре я снова играл, выиграл 200 евро. Теперь я вернулся к работе! Немного проиграл и выиграл в ноябре и декабре, не играл слишком много и слишком часто … До вчерашнего дня!

[LSA]

I have always lost my money in the end…But (mostly) only small amounts until I lost 10.000 euro in a month last year (and 3.000 a few months before). Had fun but would rather have travelled the world or something else. Decided never to play again…But in June I played one evening. Won a bit, like 40 euro or so. In October I played again, won 200 euro. Now I was back in business! Lost and won a bit in November and December, didn’t play for too much or too often…Until yesterday!

[LSA]

Спасибо, Шонрадж. Вчера я потерял 3.500 евро … Я заработаю эти деньги обратно через 2-3 месяца, если я буду покупать только еду и оплачивать счета, так что у меня все будет в порядке с финансовой точки зрения. Это так удручает, потому что это не в первый раз … Я слишком много раз терял 2-5 месяцев тяжелой работы. Начиная заново. Но я знаю, как справиться с этой катастрофой: я ставлю личные цели и много работаю, чтобы двигаться вперед в жизни, я читаю книгу каждый день – я занимаюсь ценными вещами, чтобы исправить свою ошибку. Но когда я снова буду играть? Всего одним прошлым вечером, поставил на кон мой дом? Можно ли просто остановиться, не отыгрывая (погоня)?

[LSA]

Thanks Seanraj.

I lost 3.500 euro yesterday…I will earn these money back in 2-3 months if I only buy food and pay my bills so I should be fine financially.
It’s just so depressing because it isn’t the first time…I have lost 2-5 months of hard work too many times. Starting over again.

But I know how to cope with this disaster: I set personal goals and work hard to move forward in life, I read a book every day – I occupy myself with valuable things to make it up for my mistake.

But when will I play again? Just one last evening, betting my house away? Can one just stop without winning it back (chasing)?

[Author]

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