[lostsoul24122011]

Dated 6 Jan 2012
Gambling dreams : the feeling was so real
I was not very please when I woke up, I had just experience all the feelings I get from  gambling, they are so real in my dreams, I experience the same disappointment, anger and inconveniences.
I woke up not knowing why it happen, I felt the pain, inconveniences of being broke and I hate this  feelings. It was a nightmare.
 

[lostsoul24122011]

Dated 5 Jan 2012
Today I wanted to experience those feelings I get when gambling. Of cos I wish to win money but I know I never win all the ***** but I really wanted to  do something I love, even at the expense of borrowing and ending up on the losing end. I have never felt like a loser when I walk into a casino.
I doesnt made sense, why am I willing to do it and risk hitting another rock bottom
Today I did not do it, even though I wanted to experience that feeling one more time because I still remember the last painful experience, the ending was very inconvenient and uncomfortable. I don’t want the same thing to happen again.
Look like the pain and suffering it brought me was more than the fun, it was not a difficult decision today,I abandon the plan.
 
 
 — 4/1/2012 8:21:26 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

[lostsoul24122011]

 
 
Dated 2 Jan 2012
Bio real life story…
Someone in the show says
You change your behavior and action
You change your life
The devil was telling me I have resisted the strong temptation to gamble
for many days now, It is ok to gamble
 
 — 4/1/2012 11:16:10 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

[lostsoul24122011]

Dated 1 JAN 2012
Glad there was no strong craving to gamble so far today
But why am I experiencing this feeling when i wake up ? it felt like
a sense of emptiness, like I was missing someone or something
it felt like I lost something that was original there, now I dont have plan what to do next
suddenly I have new found time and freedom
my mind is free from the normal obsessive thoughts
I don’t have to study any upcoming match for long period
I don’t have to made the difficult decision of who to bet
I don’t have to made the difficult decision on how much to bet
I don’t have to worry about the outcome of the bet
I don’t have to rush for the next game
I don’t have to find money for the next game
I do not have to suffer the usual anxiety, impatience, worries and  big disappointments
that comes before, during and after the game
 
 — 4/1/2012 11:23:41 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

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