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I’m sorry that this happened to you again but you need to get your head out of your ass. You dont need to lose everything to realize you have a problem and that you need to stop. There are no people that can play those odds and still live a productive life. You will win and you will lose. That’s the game. You are still focusing on the winning so much that the system in your head seems viable. I know that if I put enough money into a slot machine that I will hit a bonus eventually and probably win some of it back, maybe more, but if I keep playing the slot machine will take it all back. Same with cards. The odds will be with you and then against you at some point. The problem with compulsive behavior is that you cant stop when it’s in your favor. You will play until you can no longer play. It will all be gone. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can move on. I understand thoroughly the feelings that you are dealing with and in your head you keep thinking that “but I do win so if I can just learn to win and quit I can make this work”. You cant learn to just walk away if you are a compulsive gambler and you have to make the decision now if you are going to keep going until you are broke and in a desperate situation or are you going to walk away, pick up the pieces and move on. That’s what I did. I didnt have to lose everything to realize that my situation was getting critical and I am at the point where I have injured my finances but they are not broken. Dont keep punching yourself in the face until you are unrecognizable. You are bloody and beaten, but you will heal. Put all of that energy spent trying to beat the systems to a better use. You cant and wont win in the long run. Hope you are better today.
Well, you are living up to your name. That was brutally honest. I’m not hearing that you are regretting going back into the casino, only that you are regretting losing control. It sounds like you plan on going back if you get more money. You need to face the fact that it doesnt matter if your plan works every time, some of the time or never. You are an addict and you will lose it all. I know how it feels to win. It’s not like I lost all of the time. I Have won some big jackpots and that is what kept me in the hole. The more you win the longer you play until it is all gone. It’s simple. You are addicted to the play, and it will never be enough. I used to play online for 8 to 12 hours straight, get a headache and still be unable to stop until it was all gone. The best advice is to not start. Any money you get is money you dont lose. Stop thinking about the money as a way to win more. It wont be the outcome that your gambling mind sets out. You will lose it all and maybe more. I’m not sure if anything that I can say will seep in when the fog has your brain hostage, but try to shake it out and start over. Perhaps you should go to a GA meeting. Look around the room and see how many rich, well adjusted gambling addicts walk into the room for help. If you are an addict it will be only to your detriment to continue.
I dont know what will work for you that you havent already tried so maybe it is worth talking to the friend that lives close to you and see what help they think they can offer. Telling your family may be a deterrent at first, but if they are not in your life on a daily basis it will be hard to use them as a block. I thought that if I told my sister the shame would be enough to turn me straight but it didnt work. She doesnt know what I do and we are all good at hiding things from others, so it’s easy to hide gambling if we continue. I decided to embrace all of my debt with open eyes and now paying it down is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. For now. I’m not sure how I will feel when it is paid but it is something that I will be keeping an eye on. I find that after the first 33 days gamble free I relapsed but not gambling after that now is easier. It’s like the pattern has been broken and the fog has been lifted. If you can get through 30 days again then perhaps you start something new to distract your brain until the fog lifts. There is no answer that is easy other than starting back at day one and trying harder the next time. Perhaps you focus on debt, keep no money to gamble AT ALL, and if it takes you 4 years then you are gamble free for 4 years! Or if you save money, put it into an investment that you cannot liquidate easily to gamble when the urge hits you. I, for one, keep no money handy at all in the bank since I know I draw from my bank account to gamble. I pay all my Bill’s weekly as soon as the money from work hits the account. I take out cash for groceries so I cant gamble that. I am focusing on living on as little as possible so that my energy is redirected. It is what works for me. A little suffering can go a long way to keep you focused on the long path ahead. Dont give up because you have the answer in your head, you just have to find it.
Hey we win, sorry to have been gone for so long but its spring here, and lots of new things to do. I am present for the first time in a long time. I wake each day feeling like I’ve done something wonderful instead of dealing with guilt and humiliation. I can sleep better and I feel better. I never knew what gambling had done to me until I stopped and took a good look on the mirror. People react to me differently because I am different. I havent been really late for work or missed a day in months. I’m early, refreshed and have a positive attitude every day. I’m tired, yes, but it’s a good tired and not the mental exhaustion that I had from gambling benders. I get things done. I dont just think about getting them done, I do them right away. Its living in the moment because I am physically and mentally present and able to do things and it is wonderful. I am working on getting myself out of the financial hole I am in without anyone’s help by being thrifty and careful with my funds. It gives me a sense of control and responsibility that fuels my feeling of self reliance and that, in turn, helps to combat any need to gamble. Good things will come in time, and it is said that anything worth having is worth working for, so there lies the rub. Work for what you want to have and be thankful when you have it. Hope you are well and gamble free today
Katana, you should start your own thread so that we can respond to you directly. I hear your pain. I am 57 soon and in a mound of trouble myself but it is never too late to heal. Giving up is an option to those who dont want to heal, but you came on looking for help and we are here. We have all been in the situation where it looks grim, but there are so many that have been here, posting over the years, that have risen above this addiction. Did you know that there are over 50 million addicts world wide ( reported ones) so know that there is strength in numbers. All is not lost. Take one day to clearly mark your direction, make a plan and start again. Please start a thread on your own so that we can all follow you.
Craig, it gets easier with time. It’s no lie, when your brain pathways stop the learned behavior and they start to reroute and fix themselves, the thoughts of gambling get weaker and fewer so that it is easier to resist. They say 30 days or more to stop a fixed behavior or habit. I went 33 then relapsed, and in those 33 days I had thought about it a lot. Tried to find ways to beat my blocks all of the time. After those 33 days and the relapse I thought about it less and less. I rarely have an urge to even think about games anymore and I seldom hear the bonus music in my head anymore. ( yeah, I would hear the bonus theme music from my fave slots in my head calling me like a siren song). I guess it’s TRUE, that once you start to disengage your brain for a long enough time from gambling, the effects start to dissipate and it becomes easier to avoid the urges and thoughts. Just keep trying to put the days behind you. There is no other way to do it except time and self healing. Good luck today.
We all know the struggle intimately and can feel your pain and frustration. I know that I had 3 days “off” from work during easter and relapsed on the first one. I am now 10 days in and busy as a bee on purpose. You need to find ways out of the trap that keeps you going back. You need to block access any way you can. You need to give yourself as much help as possible. There is no magic answer for any of us but the best advice is to make sure that you CANT gamble by any means possible until you can stop by choice ( if that ever happens for us) . Keep trying and keep posting.
So sorry for your loss! We just lost our big baby twice- once in the divorce and then he passed two years ago in his sleep. He had a very long and pampered life so it was an easy passing to accept. It’s hard to lose one that is sick for a spell because its both a loss and relief that they are no longer in pain. Use that strength from loss to push yourself forward and not to go back.