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Hawkman, put any message in your head that works to tell you to stop. The road to recovery is different for each one of us, and as @kin has alluded to, perhaps it is best to start by excluding yourself from the casino so that the temptation is not there. Where I live, if you self exclude from the casino then you are banned from being on its premises for any reason and if caught can be arrested for trespass. I know that I certainly don’t want to have to call into work arrested one day so it keeps me away. The biggest part of the battle when you are an addict is saying no in the presence of temptation so why make it harder on yourself? Have yourself banned from the casino and the temptation dissipates easier in the short run, which is the toughest to work through. I am banned from everything land based in my area and although I do have gamban on most of my devices, I can still play on a laptop in my house. The key to not gambling for me is that I had gamban on all devices during the rough patch, the first month, so that I could try to get the bug out of my brain. It has worked for me. That, and being busy all of the time so that I seldom have the “down time” that gets my mind wanting to go back to old habits. We each have what will work for us. Find out what works for you and stick to it. I don’t count the days because then it is keeping relapses and gambling in my head. I dont even think about it anymore until I hit this site, and then the support and posts keep it in check. Keep a diary, a daytimer, see a counselor go to groups. Do whatever keeps recovery working for you, but keep on mind that your mind will not always be cooperating with you so some of the decisions will make you a bit uncomfortable. Fight the discomfort and do what you must to stop yourself any way you can. Have a good, gamble free day today.
Ok we win. Now, what are you going to do about it. It’s not enough to concede. You need a plan. Your system is not unique. I have won tens of thousands at one time on a slot machine. It doesnt mean that I have a system that works. It means that I got lucky. Change that voice in your head from “the system works sometimes” to ” I got lucky this time” and you will be singing a totally different song. Every time you go back you prove that there are lucky and unlucky and that the unlucky will outnumber the lucky every time. The only people that fare well at these kinds of games are the ones who can lose a little and leave or win and leave. You cant do either. Enough with the acknowledgment of what is going on and come up with a plan to stop the cycle. We have all been at this juncture and now it’s time to formulate a plan of action. What are you going to do to stop yourself from going back again?
Maverick, determined is a good state of mind to be in. I find that is helpful to keep a daytimer. I jot down all of the things that I have done and want to do. I account for my time. I keep busy ( mostly by working 2 jobs) but I also keep up.on things around the house and in the yard so that I feel accomplished at the end of my day. It’s not enough to just not gamble everyday as it’s hard to keep defining yourself in terms of gambling and live outside its domain. live in a world that is not necessarily defined only by what you dont do but what you do do as well. Time with your son is a good example. I’m not going to suggest starting a hobby because it always sounds so lame, but think in terms of someone who doesn’t have a gambling problem. What do they do in their spare time? I am catching up on building my backyard and garden in time for summer. I started it years ago but then something else took it away from me and now I want it back. I revel in my progress every day that I do something productive and my daughter sees my attention. I am getting better, a little bit at a time, and although I may falter, I am 100 times better than last year. Next year I can ne 100 times better than today. I’m not expecting to be perfect at this point so dont try to put that on yourself. Do what makes you forget about gambling every day. Get a second job if you must. Just make steps towards something and not just away. If you need a direction, forward is always a good way to go. Good luck today
We win, I am at a loss. The only suggestion that I can offer is that as soon as you lose at a casino, when you are feeling crappy and used up, that you self exclude from that casino as you are leaving. It is what i did years ago and I’ve not been back since. The covid pandemic has helped because they were closed, but I am afraid to go in because there is a risk that I will be arrested. I cant take that chance. It is so very clear that you dont have the ability to abstain on your own. It’s ok. It’s a problem that we all have had at one point in time or another, and if you put me within range of a casino at my lowest point then I may have been exactly in your spot. There is very little you can do other than just hit rock bottom, lose all of your money and maybe end up homeless. Would that be enough to stop you? There has to be a way for you to stop without that being the inevitable course. Have you thought about getting a job? I know that you have stated that you are unemployed and out of work in your field. Have you thought about just getting a job outside your field other than food delivery? You need to have a job that takes your time away from being able to gamble. I am so busy some weeks that I dont even have time to think about it. You need a control in your life. You need restrictions. You need blocks. If and until you do things to disable your trips to the casino the cycle will continue. You have to stop. You seem like you cant. Other than a treatment facility that will do what needs to be done, which is simply stop you from going and treat the disease, there is little you can do that hasnt already been told to you. YOU CANT SEEM TO STOP YOURSELF SO FIND A WAY TO STOP YOURSELF FROM BEING ABLE TO GAMBLE. So many ways have been suggested. Try some of them. Do something other than dig yourself deeper into the hole you’re in. You dont seem to want to stop enough to do anything about it. When will enough be enough for you? I’m not trying to be mean or condescending, its just that you just dont seem to get it. You have to stop. Will it help for you to think of gambling as a drug? You are in so deep that you cant seem to go a day without it. Do something else because what you are doing isnt working.
Well said Charles. We win, you need to put some blocks in place to help you through this period when it is so hard to stop. There is no other way to say it, but you just dont have the control over your addiction at this point and, just as rehab would do, you need to be restricted in access to your source, which is the casino. Please take a step forward and help yourself stop. Have yourself excluded from the casinos and put software on your devices. There is no other advice that would be helpful at this point after reading your pleas. Take this as the gospel. You need help and the first step is to take this seriously.
We all are “had” . We would not go back unless we thought we could win. There was always a slot, it changed over the years, but there was always one where I would win big on a few times and I figured that that was “my game”. I would play it endlessly until I lost every penny of my money. The music from the game bonus rounds would play in my head while I tried to sleep, like a siren song, and I was helpless. The only time I was able to stop was when I banned myself from one casino or another and I could not play it. It’s the only thing that worked for me ( until I found another game on another casino) so that’s why I say that putting blocks in place will go a long way to helping you get the monkey off your back in the first few weeks. I am now able to stay away on my own because the cycle has been broken. The fog in my head, the dependency, like one to drugs or alcohol, has been broken and it is much easier now. Break the cycle. Either blocks or self control but one way or another you have to stop the fog. Have you tried looking for more work? Keeping myself busy is a great help on the first few weeks and it could be helpful on so many fronts for you as well (money for debt especially, ) Keep fighting and hope that strength finds you today
Jwill, welcome. Gambling addiction takes on all forms and the fact that you are admitting that you have a serious problem of any form is great. Relapses happen intermittently and while you may feel discouraged and regret your actions it’s easy to get back up off the proverbial floor and start again. If you like new things them find some new things. The world is full of sources of knowledge and entertainment and the simple act of trying to find some will engage your mind and take some time. I think that you need to challenge yourself to stay away completely for a period of time that makes sense to you. We all need challenges and goals. Make this yours. It is easier to do this after a big loss like this. It is fuel. There must be something that you can interject into your day/weekend that would be more constructive and personally fulfilling than poker. Find something that will build your will, confidence and give you something to feel good about. All is not lost. Rise to the challenge and take back your personal power. It can be done, you just have to get your feet on the path.
We win, if I’m on point it’s because I speak from experience. My gambling was a slow build, starting from just playing little bits of free money that the casinos would give you to gradually spending my bank limits of $1000 per day when I had the cash. I’ve lost lots over the last decade and am at a point where I really cant lose more or it will be my home next. I HAVE TO stop and it’s time for me to take a good look at myself and what I’ve done and fix it. That’s it. When I talk about punching yourself in the face until unrecognizable (metaphorically speaking) I had been doing the same to myself for the last few years. The end result was that I had become an unreliable mother and employee who was missing days and days of work due to gambling and my professional reputation was in ruins. I had spent over 30 years building my career and reputation only to have my vice tear it to shreds. Even my family suffered at the hands of my addiction as I would not show up to family functions or if I did it was unshowered and in pajamas. It was not me. I had transformed into something unrecognizable. I am getting better now in all fields and it is because the fog has cleared and my focus has returned. It’s not that I dont think about gambling ever, it’s that its hold on me has lessened and the pull is just not there. I can make decisions whether I want to or not based on a number of factors and not just based on an urge that is all consuming. It happens, but only after you abstain for long enough to release its grip, and you have to white knuckle it if possible until that time. If you dont break its hold on you then you will never be able to use that part of your brain that it has taken over. Think of it as a drug. Or alcohol. Whatever necessary so that you gain the perspective that it’s got a hold on you. It’s not a system that you have, it’s a system that has you. You are at its mercy every time you try it because it takes over. Do whatever you need to shake the monkey.
Charles is right yet once again. Have you looked into bankruptcy? It is a harsh road to take but it could be the fresh start that you are looking for. I dont know what your living situation is but if you dont own your home then it is easier to declare bankruptcy. It does stay on your record for 5 years here, but with your current credit and debt level, would it be much worse than defaulting on debt? Look into alternatives other than simply trying to pay it off and there may be other counselling options offered when you do. It is a long road that you must travel and you should get your feet on the road as soon as possible. No one can make this journey but you.
Do you not have gamban for your devices? It’s an electronic block that you cant get around on your phone. It costs a bit to begin with but you will recoup that money in one day of not gambling. If you can self exclude then do it and dont deactivate it. You have to put some effort in on your part as well and this attempt may be the one that works. Put all the blocks in place and DONT TELL YOURSELF YOU DONT NEED THEM. Its clear that you do and you must not let you talk yourself into not using what ever is out there because it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Just make the decision to do it and then follow through. I self excluded at the gaming center and the casino the last time I went in and lost control. It was embarrassing but it was a moment in time that i never regret and neither will you. If you cant self exclude on your devices then the next best thing ( probably the better thing actually ) is to download software that prevents you from playing at the casinos on your phone. Please dont just leave this to your self control to stop because it is exponentially harder to do so this way. Stay strong.
Richv, sounds like a very bumpy ride to get where you are today and it sounds like you are wanting to get off of the ride. Good. The best way to start addressing recovery is to admit that you have a problem, which you have and then remove the problem substance from your life. I am a big fan of blocks – not building blocks but blocks that stop you from gambling. If you play online then get gamban on your devices. If you go to the casino have yourself excluded from their premises so that if you are caught there, you can be arrested. Do what you can to help yourself out in the first weeks by restricting your behaviour any way you can. Remove immediate access to funds so that it is harder to act rashly. I’m sure you can think of a number of ways to block your behavior but be aware of the discomfort that you will feel. Your brain will try to stop at least one way to block so that it has an out. It’s too hard for it to quit right now so it will try to stop you from doing af least one. It will have good reasons, it always does. Do yourself a favor and dont listen to it. Stop your ability to gamble and the rest will come later. Hope that you heed this and have a good day.
Hey dark,
You must do what will work for you but dont think that telling them will be the end. Many of the posts you see online tell of how people have confided to their loved ones and they still continue to gamble in secret. It makes it even more shameful but somehow we learn to live with that as well!!! You will come to a point when you can no longer do it. Mine was when I had to really face all of my debt. I was a frugal, fiscally responsible person for my whole life and when I took a good, scary look at what I had done to myself financially, and when I had to borrow money from my sister to try to get back up to par, that was enough for me (eventually, not right away,) There will be a point that will push you to your brink. It will happen and if it happens when you tell your family, great. I hope that you find your way to be gamble free and start all over again.