[looby loo]

Hi Denise
Just wanted you to know that I have read and you are no longer alone. I can empathise with all you write, but I am not a partner/wife I am the mum of a 27 year old who has been gambling for 10 years now ………………… I am sure the good people here will soon hop on and help you out with support, but I know how hard it is to write that first post and I wanted you to know someone was listening.
All I will say is you will not be judged here, you are understood and heard. Don’t make any decisions you are unable to carry through with, if you say it do it, if you cant carry through the addiction will recognise the weakness.
xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Bye Paul and all good wishes to you in whatever is your next venture, I wish you well xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Well, here is the update you were looking forward to hearing V.
There was no meeting in MK – text late Saturday evening to say he had to work, which he did, but I still had a ‘gut’ feeling.
Didn’t speak to him until Monday at work, couldn’t get him on mobile (know now that it is a certain girly colour and he of course wont answer it ) but did say he had gambled. I didn’t at that point know the extent and have to say was somewhat devoid of what he was saying. Its not my problem…………………..
Finally spoke to him more in depth last night and the gf was also with him. Apparently he gambled all of his wages when he got paid Thursday, didn’t pay rent and now has to move out on Friday – again …………………….. I know exactly how much that was as he had earlier in the year told me how much he was now earning and believe you me its not chicken feed !
So, we had a long conversation about re-committing and getting further support for his problem, by him and for him alone, work, lack of social network/friendships, inability to go out, and it was clear from the conversations that he DOES recognise that the reason he is in this situation again is down to gambling and only gambling. Highlighting to him that earning sh1te loads of money but then throwing it all away is worthless and he might just as well give up the job and get that support instead, but that has to be his decision….
Today I have re-evaluated the conversation and still feel devoid of it. It is not affecting me, there is nothing I can do about it and my life is quite nice thank you (other than a terminally ill family member). The gf text me to say she has told him he has to sort out Easter, as its his family and there is no use her bailing him out ! To which I agreed.
So, we go on holiday next Saturday to celebrate our Wedding Anniversary and what happens, happens.
Stay strong for yourself people, its the only defence against this bl***dy addiction. x
PS: Forgot to say, there are positives this time, 1. He hasn’t gone underground 2. He is talking about things (small consolations I know, but I see these as positives)
Everyone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo– 3/6/2013 1:51:33 PM: post edited by Looby Loo.

[looby loo]

Hi H
Hope it was a birthday to remember, you deserve the best.  Thanks for the help and support you offer to all xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi Vera
Thanks x  It’s up and down, as things often are with such an illness.  He now has a chest infection, which has set him back a bit more, as they did want to discharge him home on Tuesday. One day at a time as they say, but thank you for the prayers.Everyone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi Ready and welcome to GT.  You have had a wonderful response from Monique, and like her, I am also the mum of a CG who has been gambling since his teens and am therefore unable to imagine how I would feel if it were my partner.  You will receive no judgement here Ready, just support and advice from those who understand you, you are no longer alone.
We cannot tell you what do Ready and in the fullness of time, when you have walked a little further down your road, things will become clearer.  Support, but not enabling your partner will be paramount, but the lead to his recovery will definitely have to come from him.  Its definitelya good idea to ensure your money and belongings are safe from any consequences of his gambling.
Our hearts and heads become very mixed when we are dealing with such an addiction.  All I will say is don’t make any idle threats, if you say you are going to do something, then ensure you stick to it.  If not, the addiction sees us as weak and gives our CG’s carte blanche to continue its destruction.
You have done well thus far Ready, and although you perhaps dont feel it now, you will be fine.  The road you walk will have bumps and twists and turns, but you are an intelligent lady and you will soon learn to take each day as it comes and choose the right path for you.
Just wanted you to know that I have read and am listening.  Much love xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

— 10/02/2013 18:25:57: post edited by Looby Loo.

[looby loo]

Hi Buckle
Life certainly is not and never will be straightforward, but life certainly has moved on for you.  Firstly, let me say I am sorry to hear about CG’s mums diagnosis and secondly, let me say, how pleased I am to hear he is ‘enjoying life’. 
The training for the walk sounds harsh – hope it all goes well for you both, he certainly sounds determined……..
It is funny to hear him say how he is fed up with members at his GA ‘paying lip service’ lol
Lovely to see an update from you xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi Sosad
Thanks for your post, which I answered on your thread.  We are fine thank you, bumbling along, doing what WE want to do.  Which, over the past couple of weeks has not gone down too well with the other sibling in our lives (daughter)!! Hey ho – can’t live with them, can’t live without them comes to mind ! 
We also have quite a lot on our plates, in that hubby’s brother is currently dying, he is now in a hospice as his disease has progressed quite rapidly over the last couple of weeks and we are visiting quite regularly, he said to us yesterday its not ‘if’ I am going to die, but more ‘when’ now 🙁 – He is only 57 yrs old and it is sad, that his wife and his own children, the same age as ours, are having to go through such an ordeal, certainly puts things into perspective with regards to what IS and IS NOT important in this life.xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi Baseball
Welcome to GT, where you  will find a wealth of non judgemental support and advice. Like your son, ours has been a CG since he was about 16.  Lies, deceit and ‘covering’ go hand in hand with this addiction sadly and often we do not know the extent of the debts incurred.  Sadly YOU, nor anyone else for that matter, will be able to convince your son that he ***** expert help and support.  It has to come from HIM, and recovery has to be for HIM and no amount of US wanting it to happen will work, and that is quite hard to accept as a parent – that we can’t right the wrongs for our kid(s).  Usually CG’s are good workers as they need their income to continue with the gambling.  Our son has also had ‘problems’ in the workplace resulting from the addiction to gamble.
Being united with family and friends against his addiction and not ‘enabling’ (which comes in many different formats) is key to YOUR survival.  Not making threats that you are not prepared to carry through is also important, as the addiction sees a threat not carried out as an ‘in’ to continue its destruction.
Any relationship he has whilst actively gambling will suffer the consequences, as you say, a CG tries to make those closest to them ‘believe’ all is well in their world and often really do want to believe that for themselves too.  It is fair to say that ‘normal’ parenting (whatever normal is !!) does not work with a CG child.
I do not have all the necessary knowledge BB, but all I do know is that I will never give up HOPE that our son is/will be in recovery, for to give up HOPE would be the end of the road.
Just wanted you to know that I read your post and understand you right now.
 Everyone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi So Sad
Get those New Shoes walking down YOUR road, taking you where YOU want to go.  As we know the journey has many twists and turns and they are not always where we want to find ourselves.  You certainly are not dumb, and are not right back where you started,  this addiction is evil, coniving, and manipulative, all things we both know, and IF WE LET IT, will drag us back in so quickly.  You my dear, are always 1 step ahead of that game.
If your CG is reading, and you will have no proof that he is, then whatever he reads into your postings will be down to him.  You can always change you alias should you need to, but Harry is right, this forum is yours, to write what you feel and get it off your chest and it is a given that you should be able to do just that much.
Like you, we have distance between us and our CG and it is so much harder to sometimes ‘just get on with life’ in some ways, but in others it is so much easier !  However, it is also very difficult to ‘gauge’ the temperament of our CG’s and take what they say as ‘real’.  We are much more guarded these days in how much we communicate when son should ring and we keep things very much on a level and we have noticed a great deal of difference by taking this tack 🙂  
We will not know for some time whether our CG’s are in real recovery, as we know they can ‘play the tune’  and without concrete evidence we cannot believe.
I wanted to let you know I am still walking with you. 
Thanks also for the post on my thread, there was no visit this weekend, his employment took over, as the Head Chef left unexpectedly and son was left ‘holding the fort’.  It wasn’t a problem to us, we had plenty to do and although I do want to see him, there is no pressure on him to come.  After all, it was his plan to do so.  I did mention to him about our 30 Wedding Anniversary meal in March and explained that I really wanted to talk to him face-to-face to discuss his attendance, but without hesitation he said ‘I will be there Mum, I will be there, I will transfer the money to you’.  I explained that none of the invitees were paying and there was therefore no requirement to transfer any money and that we would discuss when he had more time.
I will leave it there for now as I feel i have just hijacked your thread xxxxEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi LB
Good to see you here xx I hope you can still access the support, and I suppose the powers that be will be able to tell you if you can/can’t.  But just wanted you to know that I hear you and I am still around too.xx  Hope to be able to read your update soon xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Dear Ell
I wish you a more peaceful life during 2013.  Christmas is hard for many, as you say ‘living a ****, so much pressure to ‘perform and be happy’, but it is YOUR life and if you are unhappy, it is okay to show it sometimes.  Life is not a bed of roses, and anyone who says their life is I believe to be telling fiblets.
Look after you and your family, it will pass, get assistance with sorting the bills, and if you really cannot pay all of them tell the creditors, and usually they can make a payment plan for you – it is better for them to have a little payment often than to have no payments at all.  Try not to take all the burden upon yourself (and I know that is a tough ask).  Sadly, you will be unable to tell truth from lies from your CG, and trusting what he says will take time, but that has to be when and only when he shows he is in true recovery.
Stay close to us, as we walk with you, we really DO understand you Ell.
Sending hugs to you xxEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

I have been reading Bonkers and wish you and your wife a wonderful renewal ceremony tomorrow and a great 2nd honeymoon xx what a LIFE xxxEveryone has a destiny, it’s up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[looby loo]

Hi G, I thought about your dad’s anniversary today, as it is my birthday, but didn’t want to post unless you did. I am glad mum is okay and got through her op and has coped with the ‘day’ very well. She is made of strong stuff – bless *** I am sure your dad would be proud to see how your life is developing these days G. As Vera says, what is in the past is in the past and you can’t change it, the future is there for the taking and that is what matters now. Hope life continues to ‘make you think,question and talk’ as much as possible G, it all seems to be working for you. Anyway just wanted you to know you and your family were in my thoughts today. Much love *********xxEveryone has a destiny, it’s up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

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