[lj50]

I’m sorry to hear about your setback. You’re right. You can’t ever go back. Just like a recovering alcoholic can’t have “just one” drink. My husband asked me if he could do some squares at work for basketball this year like he did last year and won a lot of money. I told him absolutely not. It could end up triggering a full on relapse. You should check into finding an addiction counselor. My husband has a wonderful one that he talks to every Thursday. I have talked to her, too. It has been very helpful for us both. You don’t have to go this alone. Accountability is very important and I hope you have made your partner part of your recovery.

[lj50]

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve had some issues with passwords trying to get back on here and got frustrated and let it go for awhile. I hope you are still doing well. Please let me know either way.

My husband is doing well. He sees a gambling addiction therapist weekly which has saved him and us so far. I had my first session with her today which is why I felt compelled to try harder to get back on here and let you know. There’s still a long road ahead to repair the destruction, but I’m doing my best and feel he is working hard at it, too.

If you are struggling, don’t try to go this alone. His therapist encouraged me to keep up with this. I wish there was more “traffic” here.

[lj50]

Thank you again for your help. It’s important to note that my eyes are wide open and I still don’t have an ounce of trust in him. I’m being very cautious, indeed.

His first therapy session went very well. He really likes this therapist and actually spent over an hour telling me about the session. I’m not surprised that everything she told him is what you’ve told me. He has another appointment next Thursday. He will go weekly for now. He is very excited about this and has shown me all his bank transactions since last Friday when he agreed again to “be done”. It’s day by day right now for me. I will keep you updated on his progress. Thank you for everything. You saved me from giving up at the start. Your perspective seems to be right on in comparison with his therapist. The things you have told me are not things I could have figured out on my own. I knew nothing of the way the brain of a compulsive gambler works until you told me. I was taking it so personally that he would sabotage us like that. I see it in a completely different light now thanks to you.

[lj50]

I really appreciate your time and putting things in a different perspective for me. I’m leaning toward feeling some sympathy for him. I know him and there’s no way he would have done this to us on purpose. The things you say are starting to make sense. I have no experience with this. Nobody in my family ever gambled and I’ve never even bought a lottery ticket in my life. It’s a waste of money in my opinion.

I informed his family that he was still gambling after they gave him money to help pay off some of his debts. They will absolutely no longer give him any money whatsoever. So, there’s no worries there.

He has told me I can now check his bank transactions anytime I want starting from last Friday. He has a large bonus coming in February that I told him needs to immediately be transferred to my bank account when it arrives so I can pay off his brother and parents, plus the 600% interest payday loan. We won’t be able to pay his aunt the $13,000 so will continue to make weekly payments to her. Plus, we’ll still have about $35,000 worth of high interest credit cards and loans he took out to deal with. He agreed to transfer that bonus to me. We’ll see…

Another issue I need to address is the gambling advertisements. My husband told me that was the single factor of why he couldn’t quit last week after he promised me he would. These advertisements are all over television and social media in-your-face offering “free money” to get started and “free money” if you lose. He said he would be scrolling through Facebook and they were EVERYWHERE and he couldn’t resist. I believe him because I see them everywhere, too. It is prohibited in the United States to advertise cigarettes and I think it should be the same for these ridiculous gambling apps. I’m going to contact my local state representative, do some research, and go from there. This needs to end the way they trick and lure people into their scams and hoaxes.

Thank you again for all your help.

[lj50]

Thank you so much for reaching back out to me. I found out after I made the post that he was still gambling and took out two more loans. I found out because I demanded to see his recent bank transactions and he refused to show me. After an hour of of negotiating for the truth, it came out. I was so disappointed since his family (aunt, brother, parents), recently gave him almost $18,000 total to get rid of the 600% interest payday loans. He used their money to gamble more. He said as of Friday night he is done and from here on out, I can see his bank transactions whenever I want as long as I don’t look at anything before last Friday. He has FINALLY (after since I caught him) is out of denial, admitted he has a problem, and has an appointment with a gambling addiction counselor on Thursday at 4pm.

I may need some counseling of my own though, to get over the pure aggression I have toward him now. I’m so angry, offended, disappointed, and broken. I’m taking it personally, etc. I would never do anything to hurt our family, so why is he? How could he not think about us when he was doing this? He knows we don’t have that kind of money. I’m in an incredible amount of pain over this and I’m trying really hard to understand that he is, too. It’s hard, though. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge through experience. It’s just what I needed right now.

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