[Lizzy123]

Thank you for your comments. I have decided that I will firstly offer my son the option of telling his grandparents first. I realised that it also feels like ‘my’ secret too. I do however have concerns about his grandparents level of understanding my dad has worked hard all his life to provide for us all, in a way money has been one of the underlying principles of his life and I’m concerned that they won’t be able to understand this addiction and will think he should just ‘stop’.

Also my son doesn’t seem prepared to undertake any practical tools, such as attending meetings or handing over his finances – which are things he has made half hearted attempts at in the past. – so besides saying ‘just leave me to it, only I can sort it out, I will just stop!’ I’m not sure what his commitment is to stopping!

My sense is that I should let my son know too that I am on this site and taking help, I don’t want to lay heavy blame at his door, but I don’t see any harm in letting him know how is actions are impacting on me.

In response to Velvet, he doesn’t have any siblings, he does have work, but he is freelance and finds it difficult to find a long term position which I think is largely down to his behaviour but More recently coming up to Xmas has been just bad luck.

He has struggled to find his way and his father is an addict of a different kind. I suspect that he (father) also has a personality disorder and has been at times a really destructive influence in my sons life. My son has stopped contact with his father in the last few months, stopped drugs and limited his drinking I think gambling was his last remaining self destructive habit that he could perform un-noticed.

Gosh what a journey!

[Author]

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