[lizbeth4]

Typo: Get and and get dressed.

[lizbeth4]

I don’t think that I value my self worth. Obviously, I don’t think that I deserve a life of financial freedom. Its been a battle trying to find a counselor here that I connect with as there are few. I’m trying to maintain my sanity right now. There are a lot of things I can implement to make it harder to gamble again. I need to follow through. I’m mustering up the energy to get f2f ressef and accomplish some tasks today. I could just stay in bed and sleep. I’m going to pull myself together and do what I can to fix the financial mess. Its day 1 for me.

[lizbeth4]

I’ve done it this time! I’m unable to pay some significant bills. I’ll call, make excuses, and struggle for a few months to catch up. My stomach is churning and the truth be told, I wish I wasn’t here. I briefly thought about ending my life. Its such torment to have this addiction. I can’t talk to anyone in my family or my friends. I would be perceived as weak and stupid. I have to be strong, self reliant and help myself. I’m still in a fog and scared. If I have any type of emergency, I’m screwed. Hanging in there!!!

[lizbeth4]

Last night I gambled! I traveled to the closest town with a casino. The damage was significant. But I can recover from it! I’m very disappointed with myself. I know why I gambled. No excuses! I’m not actively involved in any GA meetings. Something that i feel would benefit me greatly. I’m checking into some about 1 hour from my house as there are none here. I’ve had the gambling hangover all day! I’m depressed, sad and feeling worthless right now. I did pull myself together and donated school supplies to the school today. Things I had purchased before my relapse. It made me feel a little better. Its raining, long overdue. I’m sitting on the porch, thinking and trying to come to terms with myself. Ugh!!!! Not feeling great!!

[lizbeth4]

We never stop worrying about our kids! I’m very proud of both of my Daughters. We’ve all come a long way. Baby Gates- I had them up to block access to the kitchen and keep my Granddaughter contained in the living room. Thank goodness for them! You’ll need them for awhile as your Granddaughter will be arriving soon. Very exciting! It’s unseasonably warm here but cools off in the evening. There’s no place like home and sleeping in your own bed. Glad to be home!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your support! I was able to get through the urges. I’m home now. I cut off my oldest Daughters boyfriend and told him to have facts and not to assume. He was fine after that. I think everyone is concerned, even me. Hanging out with her ex and the father of my Granddaughter is concerning as he is still using drugs. I think my youngest thinks she can get him to stop because of their child. We all know that he will stop when he wants to. She knows my concerns but hasn’t given me a reason to think she has relapsed. I am proud of her and my oldest for being sober. Its not a easy task. My recovery can’t be placed on the back burner. I can’t become complacent. I have to keep working on my goals and bettering myself.

[lizbeth4]

I’m in the city as I have a appointment tomorrow. I’m sstaying with my Daughter and her boyfriend. She had to work tonight so her boyfriend made us a good dinner. I talked about my youngest Daughter and Granddaughter and how we should all get together sometime. I was told it wouldn’t happen because she is associating with druggies. They do not know this for a fact and as my oldest Daughter relapsed many times before being sober, I was shocked! Now that answers why my oldest Daughter hasn’t returned her Sisters texts. My youngest has no family support in the city,. She has a few sober friends who help her. My oldest needs to remember where she’s been and how important it was for her recovery. There’s always been a jealousy issue between them. Basically on my oldest Daughters part. I’m so stressed and upset. After my morning appointment I will be going home. My youngest is working tomorrow so no visit with her. URGES, URGES are brewing.

[lizbeth4]

I stayed home and watched the fireworks from my yard. I decided to not go to my neighbors across the street as she got very belligerent with me as I couldn’t take her to a Dr’s appointment when my Granddaughter and Daughter were here. That was my last straw with her. I’ve decided to just stop being her taxi service. She has a son who lives with her and we have a senior van that will pick you up for ppointments and shopping. I don’t mind helping anyone but when it’s expected and then you’re rude, it’s not going to happen. I didn’t feel well today. I slept a lot. My tummy is feeling better. Tomorrow I have my walk, watering and I need to check in on my Mother. Next week I’m painting the house trim on the back of the house. Plans, goals! These never could happen if I was gambling.

[lizbeth4]

Happy July 4th everyone. My Daughter and Granddaughter went back to the city last night. We took my Granddaughter for her 15 month check up and immunizations yesterday as her primary DR who delivered her is here. She has meet every milestone and is perfect. She has a personality that doesn’t stop. LOL! She reminds me a lot of my Grandson at that age. I’m so blessed and proud of both of my Daughters. My Mom is who she is. I do have to distance myself sometimes for my own sanity and that’s okay. I’m just happy that gambling isn’t in the picture. My mind is clear and free from the urges so I can enjoy life!

[lizbeth4]

I spent 1/2 the day with my Daughter and Granddaughter. Tomorrow, I will have most of the day with them before they return to the city. My Granddaughter has really gotten a lot taller and runs everywhere. My Daughter looks great. She stopped smoking 11 days ago. She had a lot of her dental work done and I can see that she has more confidence. She’s doing So good. The day was great except my Mother took a couple of mean jabs at me. She was in a bad mood so she has to try to attack someone. I ignored her and thought, how sad to behave that way. She made herself look bad. I’m going to the city for 2 days to take care of some business and will stay with my Oldest Daughter and her boyfriend. I’m going to need that time away from my Mother so I can regroup. Tomorrow will be a good day and gamble free!

[lizbeth4]

Maverick, I’m so sorry that you are going through so much in your life. Through this, you posted on my thread. It shows you have great character and are a good friend. I’m sad that you have no family support. It’s not a good feeling as I’ve experienced in the past. Just do your best. I’m sure it’s overwhelming at times. Sometimes it can feel like nothing is working in your favor. Just keep going. In the end your Wife and Children are your life. Can you find time for a walk? It’s good exercise and refreshes your brain also. Remember, you have to take care of yourself also! You always have my support. Please vent here if you need to. Don’t keep it bottled up! Take care friend.

[lizbeth4]

Привет, Кэтрин, мне так жаль, что кто-то украл могилу твоей матери. Люди невероятные! Так грустно! Ваш салон звучит потрясающе. Это было бы отличным уголком для чтения! Мне нравится менять одеяла, набрасывать подушки и т. Д. На разное время года. Летом более красочно. Я люблю слышать о твоих поездках. Планирование – это половина удовольствия. Я читаю книги по истории штата, в котором живу, и я создал доску идей. Сначала я собираюсь начать свой странствующий квест в моем штате. Я так многого не видел. Захватывающе. Надеюсь, у вас будет отличная неделя. Я рада, что ты вернулся. Заботиться.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Kathryn, I’m so sorry that someone stole from your Mother’s grave. People are unbelievable! So sad! Your lounge sounds awesome. That would make a great reading nook! I like changing out my comforters, throw pillows, ect…for the different seasons. More colorful during the summer. I love hearing about your trips. Planning is half of the fun. I’m reading history books about the state I live in and I’ve started a vision board. I’m going to start my traveling quest in my state first. There’s so much I haven’t seen. Exciting. I hope you have a great week. I’m happy that you’re back. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post Maverick ! I’m very excited as my youngest Daughter and Granddaughter will be here tomorr ow and the next day. The baby is 16 months now. Time flies! I’m feeling good about life in general. I keep trying to improve myself, that’s the hard part. LOL! My Sister called yesterday and we had a long talk. We’ve become a,lot closer and I just love it! I’ve been invited to a July 4th party by the lake across the street from my house. I can see the firework display from the near by park! Should be fun! My Grandson is still in Alaska with his Dad on vacation. I won’t see him till August. He’s going into 6th grade and getting all grown up but not too grow. Up not to like Grandma’s cuddling. I have many things to be grateful for and I don’t take anything for granted. Everything happens for a reason. I believe my gambling addiction showed me what is important in life. I’m a happy, content and grateful person!

[lizbeth4]

You’re here. The first step is the hardest. Put all barriers up to help you from gambling. You want to stop but your brain will keep telling you to. Stop now before you are in financial ruin and maybe don’t have a,job. Isn’t your family suspicious that something is wrong? You can recover from this but it will take hard work and your commitment. Keep posting. We are in this together. You are not alone.

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