[lizbeth4]

I think you are making good progress. Can your Husband take over the finances for awhile? It’s hard to give up our control but sometimes necessary for our recovery. I started back to GA after a relapse and travel 2 hours each way as I live in a very small town. Although it’s a pain traveling that far, I’m happy to say that I feel like I’m back on the right path. I’ve paired counseling sessions also. Remember that you are not alone. You have support here and we are all in this fight together.

[lizbeth4]

My GA Meeting and counseling session went well. I’m feeling good and feel like I’m on the right path. Looking forward to my Sister’s visit.

[lizbeth4]

Am I posting too much? One of my counselors told me that posting here is like journaling. Except that I am sharing my thoughts. I can come back and re-read my thoughts and in fact it is probably a healthy way to follow my progress. Very threputic for me. My life is returning to what I want it to be. A lot of hard work lies ahead. I’m looking forward to my next GA meeting and counseling session. Recovering from gambling for me means not being complacent and working a program and getting counseling. Getting to the core of it. Facing my fears and finding myself. My biggest lesson this week is that it’s alright to put myself first. I had to tell someone no as I already had plans. A very hard thing for me to feel like I’ve disappointed or let someone down. But I did it instead of changing my plans and I was very proud of myself. I have a long way to go but I’m getting there. Peace.

[lizbeth4]

This morning while on my walk, the strangest thing happened to me! I started crying, I mean really crying. I felt like the biggest weight had been released. I felt FREE! I feel like I can live the truth again , as strange as that may sound. No more lies, excuses! I feel good! This my life and I’m going to make it the best possible! I have outside forces right now causing stress But don’t we all. I am responsible on how I react. The fear in me has subsided. I can face my addiction with everything I have.

[lizbeth4]

This morning I did some yard work before it started to get warm. I’ve tackled bills and took inventory of my finances. TRUE INVENTORY! I can get out of my financial hole and be back to my normal budget by December. I have 4 Months of not spending a extra penny and sticking to my strict budget. THIS IS MY MY WAKE UP CALL! MY BACK TAXES ARE INCLUDED. I HAVE A LOT RIDING ON MY ABILITY TO STAY GAMBLE FREE! I OWE IT TO MYSELF TO THE RIGHT THINGS, NOW!!!! GOING BACK TO GA HAS MADE ME REALUZE HOW MUCH DAMAGE WE SELF INFLICT UPON OURSELVES. I’M WORTH A GAMBLE FREE LIFE. NO MORE SELF SABOTAGING!!@ THIS IS AS REAL AS IT GETS.

[lizbeth4]

Awesome news!!! Enjoy your precious Granddaughter!

[lizbeth4]

Kathryn, I was thinking of you today! I’m sure your precious Granddaughter has arrived! Congrats! I’m doing much better since my last relapse. Thge GA meeting definitely helped. I’m looking forward to my next meeting and counseling session on Friday. Today was spent with my Mother. We had lunch together. It’s our rainy season right now. My garden is doing wonderfully. I have many tomatoes and squash. Almost ready for picking. My peaches are almost ripe. I’ve been reading my history books and envisioning how it was to live in those times. I’ve survived without cable and internet. It’s not in my budget for awhile. My Sister is coming next weekend. We have a small fishing trip planned. Yes, fishing is another one of my passions. It will be a fun time. Life seems to be coming back together. My situation could be a lot worse. I’m not gambling and getting help!!!!

[lizbeth4]

A early congratulates on the birth of your Granddaughter. Such a precious moment. I was present for the birth of both my Grandchildren. One of the most happuest moments of my life. My cleaning and purging is done for the day. I’m looking forward to my next GA meeting and counseling session next Friday. Things are getting better. Take care and enjoy your precious Grandchildren.

[lizbeth4]

Taking a break and thought I’d post. I’m thoroughly cleaning my house and purging again. A lot of small items were posted online. Things I don’t use. Many used once. I’ve sold a few things and will donate rest that don’t sell. No big ticket items but a way to clear out things and make a little money. Maybe little symbolical of how I’m cleaning out my life of all the bad behaviors I’ve had. Anyways, it makes me feel good. Have a good weekend everyone!

[lizbeth4]

My GA Meeting went well. I was opened to it! Time to be honest with myself! On my way home, I had a lot of time to reflect. I’ve heard it said that we shouldn’t dwell on the past. We should cut our loses. But I need to remember the ugly so I won’t repeat the same things over and over. My family did try to help me years ago as they loaned me money when i had gambled it away. It took awhile for me to tell them the truth. They just got tired of me repeating old and bad habits. I hirt them deeply. I’ve lied to companies I owe to get payments reduced because I’ve gambled. Racked up major credit card debt. Most importantly, I’ve lied to myself. I continued to gamble and put my assets at risk, which would not only hurt me but the people I love the most!!! Now, since my last relapse, I find myself digging out of a hole again. Struggling financially and having to keep creditors at bay. Knowing that if I don’t stop gambling I’m risking a lot!! I need to remember the shame and self loathing. And I need to remember the hope and work I need to do to stay gamble free. I’m feeling good today but still a little scared of myself. I have to do the right things and move forward in a positive direction! I dont want to be remembered as the gambler.

[lizbeth4]

Sorry about the typos. I’m using my phone. Also, I’m not able to edit!?

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monica, I can’t believe the eater heater stopped working again! Hopefully it won’t take a song as last time to fixed or replaced. I can go days without talking to anyone. You do start feeling isolated. Honestly, I think it is hard to get employment when you are in your 60’s. I don’t understand why? We have a lot of experience to offer, we are responsible. I’m sorry that your Sister is having difficulties. I remember not wanting to open the bills. A lot of anxiety. You will know when the time is right for you to file bankruptcy. It will probably be a relief. Have a good visit with Pete. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Stephen, I’ve been gambling manby years, on and off. My last recent relapse has put me in the position that next month all bills can’t be paid. Important ones first! If we keep gamble free it will get easier in many ways including financially. Stay present like you are for your Son. You can’t make up for the past but you can create a better future. My biggest regret isn’t losing money but losing time with my children who are now grown. I am now present in their lifes and my Grandchildren. Life is short and time flies by so fast. I think you are doing great. Keep going.

[lizbeth4]

Laura, There is some reason we attract the strange and quirky personalities! Maybe they don’t judge us!!! Not taking ownership of other people’s behavior is something that has been the hardest lesson in my rediscovering myself. I think ive had a problem with that because I am a people pleaser. Which u have been able to curb a lot. Self love and care is what we need to put first. I’m doing some cleaning and laundry today. FUN! Laura if I was there I’d help you. Take it easy! Chronic pain is horrible as I’ve seen through family members. I’m off to the library!!! Good day everyone!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn for your post! I’m excited and anxious about my GA meetings on Friday. It’s been awhile since I’ve attended one. Long overdue. It will be a 2 1/2 hour driving trip. Doable! I’m sure people were upset because the casino was shut down for awhile as the FBI investigated. According to the news, no one was hurt. Thank goodness for that. It must have been scary to hear gun shots and for the cashier and vault person. Today, I almost lost it with my Mom. I went to the store to purchase a few things for her. When I returned, she was so upset because I had purchased a brand she didn’t like. No thank you just complaining. I left! So discouraging! Our time together should be precious. I know it’s her problem. So Sad! It didn’t cause any gambling urges. No more self destructive thoughts linked to our relationship. It is what it is!

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